All He Wanted
by HHr4life
Summary: Canon to Deathly Hallows,except for the epilogue but with R/Hr together. Starts off at the tent scene after Ron let, but picks up mostly a few months after the battle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I've been getting some grief about this story being a Ron and Hermione story because I actually have them together. Now while I'm a bit offended by that I'll state very clearly here that when I say CANON I mean that Ron and Hermione will be substantially together for a couple of chapters in this fic. Hermione did choose to be with him in the book and I wanted to explore that idea where she truly did love Ron. If you can't stomach reading about them together, then please hit the back button. While I appreciate constructive criticism, flaming me is not the way to help me improve my writing or give me inspiration to write other fics. If you don't read any form of relationship between Ron and Hermione, don't read. **

Hey guys, I know I still need to finish Turmoils Within, and I will but i needed to get this out before it drove me crazy. Feedback will be very much appreciated because then I will know if I should continue. So please let me know if I should.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Prologue **

Harry lay in his bunk staring up at the canvas of the tent. The drumming pitter patter of the rain on the cover provided the only sound between the friends. He could still here Hermione sobbing in the chair and he sighed miserably.

This was probably one of the worst moments of his life. He didn't mean to shout at Ron but at the time he couldn't control his anger. It was like he was on one side and the two of them of the other.

_We thought you knew what you were doing?_ The words kept replaying in his head as Ron's angry expression along with Hermione's defending tone pierced his heart. They had no fate in him. Hermione had no faith in him and that hurt more than he was willing to admit. Her opinion of him was one of the most treasured things in his life.

Harry knew that his behavior tonight knocked every respect she had of him as a friend and a leader out the door. But Ron was right; Dumbledore had left him with nothing. One Horcrux, that was all they had and he was leading them into a death trap.

He turned his head as Hermione sobs turned into sniffs. She was still wet from the downpour and he saw her shiver slightly in the shadow before pulling the blanket tighter around her small frame. He wanted so much to go to her but he knew she wouldn't welcome his comfort.

She didn't want his comforting but that of their mutual best friend. His anger simmered as he thought of Ron abandoning them but not at him leaving the hunt but for leaving Hermione. Didn't he know how much leaving would hurt her since they were in a relationship? The knots in his stomach tightened as he thought of them together and all the tiny moments he had seen between them since he had joined them at the Burrow.

He wasn't jealous Harry tried to convince himself for the second time. He just wanted what they had together but he failed miserably and pushed the whole thought out of his mind. Ginny was the one he wanted, he missed her that's why he was looking at her dot on the dame map.

Harry had no idea if Ron was going to return but he knew that everything had changed. He had lost Ron and his friendship but he wasn't going to lose Hermione. Flashes of her being hit by Dolohov's curse and her falling to the ground bombarded him as his hands fisted almost painfully at his sides.

Jumping off the bunk Harry made his way to Hermione and knelt before her, willing her to look at him. To offer some sort of indication that she knew he was there for her. That she wasn't going to leave him too. That she was always going to be there for him no matter what happened in the future.

"Hermione", his voice was a hoarse whisper. She gave no sign that she heard him.

"Hermione you need to get out of these wet clothes before you get sick", he said and his heart dropped to his stomach as she tuned a tear stained face and puffy red eyes towards his. The pain and anger he witness in her eyes would have knocked him over if he wasn't already sitting. She had never looked at him like that before.

"I can take care of myself Harry", she said with so much anger that he back away slightly, "I don't need your help".

Harry dropped his eyes to the dusty floor and nodded. He could feel her eyes burning into him but like a coward he refused to meet her gaze. His hands gripped the edge of her chair, barricading her and he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry", he said raggedly, remorse filling his apology, "I didn't – I never meant to make him leave and hurt you like this Hermione".

"You are the only person who has ever stood by me and I can't loose you too. I would do anything to change it, to make you have faith in me again. Please", he begged finally meeting her stoic expression, "please don't leave me too. I wouldn't be able to do this alone knowing that you didn't believe I could".

Harry would have given anything to know what she was thinking at this very moment. He could have always read her, but this was like she was an entirely different person. He knew she wanted to go with Ron.

He also knew that by choosing to stay with him she had caused a rift between them, but he just needed her to say she was always going to be there for him as well. No matter how selfish that sounded. The uncomfortable silence expanded as she kept staring at him, eyes void of emotion.

"I promised to help you Harry", she responded throwing the blanket on the floor beside him and twisted out of his arms cadging her, "and I will". She stepped away from his kneeling form and made her way to her bunk. He could see the tension in her shoulders as his eyes followed her progression and Harry knew in that moment he had lost her as well.

When Harry woke the following morning it took a while before events of the previous night rushed back to him. He prayed for it to be dream but as he looked across to Ron's bunk, it was solidified; it wasn't a dream but hard cold reality. He averted his eyes from Ron's empty bunk and leaped off his seeing Hermione bustling in the kitchen.

She didn't wish him good morning or anything else for that matter but turned her face away and Harry swiftly walked by her to go get cleaned up. _It's not use Potter. She hates you for what you did, for driving away Ron and for not having a better plan. He is not coming back and she will never forgive you, no matter how hard you try to fix this._ He knew that once they left Ron had no chance of finding them if he chose to return.

Harry and Hermione ate breakfast in a tense filled silence. Her eyes were still red and puffy and she had bags under her them. Proof that she had no sleep the night before. After they were finished they began packing. He had never seen Hermione move so leisurely but he knew why she was anxious for Ron's return as she sometimes looked eagerly over her shoulders at the quietest moment or ruffle.

Harry dialed down on his hope. Ron wasn't coming back and he wasn't going to loose thoughts over it. Harry looked around the muddy bank once more before he caught her crestfallen expression as they grasped hands and disapparated, reappearing on windswept heather covered hillside.

The instant they arrive Harry lost the warm hold of Hermione's hands. His gaze fell on her wild hair as she walked away and settled on a large rock placing her face in her knees, her body rocking with what he knew was sobs. He forced himself to look away and began setting up the wards around her quietly as to not draw attention to himself. The silence was killing him. He didn't want to push her but he needed some sort of feedback. If she wanted to leave he would let her, no matter how much it hurt.

"Do you want to leave", he asked calmly not betraying the mountain of emotions whirling inside him. For a moment the silence ensued.

"Does it matter what I want", she responded and each words was like a knife to his already wounded heart.

"It matters to me Hermione and I wouldn't want you to sacrifice more than you already have for a lost cause like me", he continued solemnly turning towards her hunched figure and he tried to keep his face neutral, "you know where he is. If you want to leave, go ahead because it makes no sense for all of us to be miserable. I can do this on my own just like how I planned to from the start".

"So because the great Harry Potter has decided to release me from my promise I am free to leave", she said angrily as she stood facing him, "after everything I had done to be here. My parents have no idea they have a daughter. I nearly died on so many occasions helping you and with Ron thinking I have chosen you over him yet again".

"Well that's just grand Harry", she laughed humorlessly and walked over to her bunk, "I guess I should just start packing my thing and leave you to figure things out just like you always do".

Harry fumed silently in anger, "I never asked you to accompany me Hermione", he said coolly, "you were the one who wanted to come. You were the one who wanted to be here and I tried to tell you how it would be. I may be at lost at what to do and yes you have kept me alive more times than I can count but you could have left anytime you wanted. And you still can".

"I don't need you or Ron", he continued knowing it was all a lie. He needed her like he never needed anybody else, "so you can pack your stuff and join Ron at the Burrow. Forget you ever knew me, find your parents and you and Ron can get married and have little red head babies and be one big bloody happy Weasley family like you always wanted!"

He felt the sting of her slap long after he stepped out of the tent and into the cold winds. He angrily punched the nearest tree and regretted it instantly as pain shot up his arm. He felt so angry at her for making him say those things and angry at himself for saying them. She was the one person he could always count on but now Harry knew he had no one. She wanted to leave and he wasn't going to stop her.

She was right. All the years she had known him he had brought nothing but danger and pain into her life. Knowing that on some level she has regret of ever becoming his friend just fueled his anger. _Fine! He didn't need her or anybody else_. Dumbledore had left him with this mission. Voldemort was his responsibility and he was going to finish it no matter what he had to do. Harry began walking away from the tent.

His hand still stung and he realized he never did ask Hermione how to fix a wound. He sighed and continued, not wanting to face an empty tent. Harry knew she was going to leave. He gave her no reason to stay.

Harry tugged his coat tighter around his freezing body as he approached the tent. There was no light coming from the inside. It looked dark and desolated. Just the way he felt inside. She was gone. Hermione left him; just like Ron did. Just like his parents, Sirius and Dumbledore. He inhaled the cool air as the feeling of dread settled over him. _Guess you are on your own Potter._

He lifted the flaps of the tent and entered waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He scanned the interior looking for any clue of Hermione's presence and found none. There weren't any books lying around or her backpack by her bunk. Her blankets were not crumbled and there wasn't any supper in the kitchen.

Harry walked over to her bunk and sat down. Her subtle lavender scent filled his nostrils. It was funny he never noticed that before. He sunk his head in his hands willing the desperation to not take over. _"You will loose everything Harry Potter". _The cold voice of Voldemort filled his mind. The bastard was right. He did loose everything and now he was cold and alone.

His knuckles still ached but he welcome the pain as oppose to emptiness simmering inside him. He couldn't believe she left. How could she leave him? Did she want her relationship with Ron to work that much that she would sacrifice her friendship with him? Did he mean so little to her?

Harry fought the tears blinding his eyes. He thought he knew her but he was wrong. Ever since the beginning of their sixth year his relationship with Hermione was never the same. He was obsessed with the Prince's book and she was infatuated with Ron. He had felt so disconnected from everyone and especially Hermione but he never dwelled on it.

It was after he saw how much she wanted to be with Ron that he opened his mind to a relationship with Ginny. This was the first time she allowed himself to think about his sudden interest in Ginny. His fear of being alone and not being loved got the best of him and so he sought what was handed to him.

He cared for Ginny; there was no question about that. But he cared more for Hermione and it was time he stopped deluding himself. He tried to picture if Ginny was the one who had abandoned him and he knew it wouldn't have hurt this much.

The silence in surrounding him was taunting. Harry raised his head and swept the empty tent once again wishing Hermione would appear and say that the joke was over. But she didn't. The ache in his chest deepened and his eyes caught the simmering surface of something at the end of the bed.

It was a picture of the two of them taken at the wedding. Ron was grinning broadly and Hermione was smiling almost shyly at the camera with Ron's arms wrapped around her waist. They looked so happy together. The unpleasant knot he always got when he saw them together constricted almost painfully and Harry folded the picture and hid it under her pillow. _What was the matter with him? _

He sat in the darkness willing his mind to shut down. The memories of his time at Hogwarts flashed through his mind and he realized Hermione was present in nearly all of it. He was an idiot. Why did he have to push her away? She was willing to stay with him no matter the consequences but he had to open his mouth and push her away. He needed her and her abandonment made his realize just how much he loved her.

_Love her! Where did that come from Potter?_

_Admit it. You have always loved her but you were too much of coward to tell her._

"_No I wasn't!_

_So you do love her._

_No I don't. I just meant that-_

_She was always supposed to be with Ron and me with Ginny. _

_It was always suppose to be like that._

_Who said it had to be?_

_She wants to be with him. She loves him that why she left remember._

_Are you sure or is it because you said you didn't need her._

_Hush..._

_That was a dumb ass thing to say Potter._

_Merlin I'm in love with Hermione._

That was when the panic set in. His heart stammered widely in his chest. He was in love with Hermione. He had always loved her that was why he was so hurt that she left. He began to sweat and nearly jumped out of his skin when the flap of the tent opened allowing a gush of wind to blow through. The chill eased his hot body but his heart galloped as he saw Hermione standing at the entrance.

To him she never looked more beautiful. Her wild hair was tied in a sloppy ponytail and her face was flushed from the cold. His eyes now adjusted to the darkness and he stood up slowly as if terrified she was going to disappear. He hoped to Merlin this wasn't a trick his mind was playing on him.

Trapped in a trance Harry walked, dawdling towards her as Hermione dropped her backpack on the ground. His green eyes never left her glistening brown ones as he closed the distanced between them with each step he took. He stopped a heartbeat away from her. The heat radiating from her body warmth him from the inside out, she came back. She came back to him and that was all that mattered.

Harry gently palmed her face and his felt her breath quicken as his pulse raced. A bolt of electricity shocked every fiber of his being. He tilted her head bringing her lips inches away from his. Her mint breath played over his face as he stared in to her eyes so intensity he felt as he was seeing her loving soul. Her hands grabbed the lapels of his coat.

"I'm sorry Mione", he whispered raggedly as his lips came down tenderly on hers. He felt her shocked response all the way to his bone and he pressed harder, willing her to let him have at least this moment. One he would cherish forever.

Her hands slipped inside his coat and around his waist pulling his against her body. Her lips opened beneath his and Harry cupped the nape of her neck fusing them together. His hands tangles themselves in her hair twisting, slanting her head as her tongue touched his shyly then more bravely as he ran his over hers. He gave a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl as Hermione dug her nails in the base of his back.

Harry released her lips and slid his hands down to wrap them around her waist. Her eyes were still closed and her lips swollen from his kiss. He didn't know what was going to happen now but he knew his had to tell her how he felt.

"I love you Hermione", he said kissing the tip of her nose and her astonished eyes met his, "I don't how I never realized it but I do need you more than anything in the world". She smiled making his heat flutter before he kissed him lightly and whispered, "I love you too Harry".

_That was what happened in his mind._ There was no where he could tell her how he felt about her. That might just send her really running to Ron. Hermione didn't feel that way about him; she never did and never will. Harry let out a soft moan and pulled her in his arms and buried his face in her neck.

"I'm sorry Mione", he said, his voice muffled, "I didn't mean to yell at you. I need you more than anything and I was an idiot to say that I didn't".

"Please don't leave me again", he continued pleadingly as she wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"It's ok Harry", she whispered consolingly. Her soft voice washed over him, calming him but he didn't let go. After a moment Harry felt her fingers threading gently in his hair and he took a deep breath and released her before he embarrassed himself but kept his arms around her waist.

"What made you come back?" He asked and unconsciously drew circles at her lower back, "Merlin knows I didn't give you any reason".

"Because you are my best friend Harry", his heart dropped at her words, "and we all have our moment of weakness. I was just angry at Ron for leaving not at you and I'm sorry for what I said".

"Don't worry about it", he said and moved completely away from her.

"Ron will come around Harry and we will win", she continued not noticing his unease about her mention Ron, "after all he is your best friend and if he really wants us to work he will come back, not that I will make it easy for him".

Harry managed a small smile which she returned. As she moved passed him to her bunk Harry snagged her wrist. He just looked at her for a moment, relishing her presence. He must have held on for longer than usually for she kinked her eyebrows in question.

"Thank you", he said hoarsely and her expression softened, "thank you for coming back to me". _She didn't Potter, she was never yours._

She smiled and brushed a tender kiss against his cheek. His closed his eyes and leaned in wanting the moment to go on forever but it ended too quickly, "anytime Harry".

And so after that Harry pretended to be nothing more than a best friend. When Ron came back he pretended that Hermione was like a sister to him. When her screams fill his head as she was being attacked at the Malfoy Manor he blocked them. He did everything to create façade, one that no one could break.

When Hermione planted a big one on Ron right in front of him, Harry buried the thought of wishing he was in Ron's place. In the final battle Harry forced himself of think of his final moment without his ex-girlfriend than that of his brown eye best friend. It was what was expected of him and so he filed that role to perfection. They were supposed to be one big happy Weasley family, Ron and Hermione and Ginny and him. It was would have worked but there is only so much that one can take.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

'I can't do this anymore Harry', Ginny said to him as he was removing their roast from the oven. After the war ended a few months ago Harry had moved in to Grimmaul Place. It wasn't his first choice of resident but at the time it provided the escape he needed. His relationship with Ginny had somewhat escalated but not to the point she had wanted.

'What do you mean?' he asked nonchalantly taking off his mitts. A question he already knew the answer to. He had been expecting this for weeks now but Harry knew Ginny was trying to make things better. Down to the last resort and she failed, he failed her.

'This', she motioned between them, 'I tried to make it work. I have given space. I offered an ear for you to unload. I tried to do things that would exert some form of the boy I fell in love with. I then realized that he wasn't there. That I don't really know who you are. I may never understand what you really went through during the war but that wasn't my fault. You have become so closed off with your emotions that I don't know how to act around you anymore'.

'Ginny that's not true', he replied feebly unable to meet his eyes.

'Yes it is and you know it', she said. He could hear the truth and the anger in her voice and he winced, 'You never let me in. Even when we first start dating there was always a part of you that was kept hidden. A part no one had ever gotten close to except Hermione'.

At the mention of her name Harry eyes collided with Ginny's and he couldn't read anything in them.

'Hermione was the only one you turned too after the war for whatever brief healing time you needed', Ginny rambled on her eyes boring into his, 'it was when you were ready to move on that you came to me. Harry I was the one you were supposed to come to in the first place. You told me you wanted me but you lied. It was Hermione. It didn't matter how hard I tried I could never be her'.

'Ginny I never meant for you to feel that way', Harry said taking her cold hands, 'I want to be with you. Things have just been weird lately but I promise I'll make it up to you'.

'Don't make promises you can't keep Harry', she replied and watched as her shoulder slumped in exhaustion, 'you made those same promises before and I just ended up getting hurt. I have to protect my self and find someone who truly loves me Harry'.

'Ginny I'm-'

'Do you love me Harry?' the question caught him off guard, He had never said those words to anyone before and his heart hitched as he thought of Hermione, 'can you honestly stand there and tell me you love me and only me, that you can't picture your life without me'.

He wanted to say he did love her. That there was no one in the world for him but her and that his life meant nothing without her in it but it would all be a lie. A lie that would hurt both of them in the future but before he could say anything she whispered.

'That's what I thought and maybe it's because I never truly loved you as well', her words hurt but they were the truth, 'I didn't know anything about you other that you were the Boy Who Lived and I guess I felt in love with that boy. The one who everyone would talk so much about'.

'And then you rescued me in the chambers and I was so happy', Harry released her hand and stepped away, 'I knew the Boy Who Lived not Harry and you didn't do anything to rectify that'.

'I'm sorry Harry', she said tearfully, 'but I can't do this anymore. One day you will open your heart and she will be a vey lucky woman to have you. I just hope that you won't let her get away by not letting her in'.

Ginny placed a kissed on his forehead, opposite side of his scar and left him standing alone in the kitchen. For a moment he couldn't comprehend what just happened and then reality sunk in. She broke up with him because of his inability to let her in. He had tired but the truth he was that she wasn't one he needed. With a sigh of exhaustion Harry made his way up the creaking stairs, dinner forgotten. Tomorrow was going to be a long day and he hoped he had the strength to get through it.

------

By the time Harry arrived at the Burrow the following mid morning to say it was chaotic would have been an understatement. Invitees were already taking their place under the huge white tent that covered most of the garden. If they weren't trying to find seats, they were mulling around grabbing a snack before the ceremony. As he made his way towards the house he caught Ginny's eyes briefly. He offered a tense smile which she returned no hostility in her actions. _Maybe breaking up was the best idea after all._

'Harry dear, so glad you are hear', Mrs. Weasley rambled on quickly and gave him a hug, 'Ron is in his room, go on up I know he would really like to see you'. Harry nodded but before he could answer she was already half way down to the garden yelling instructions at George who pretended not to hear by placing his damaged ear in her direction.

Harry smiled and made his way up the creaking stares to the room he and Ron had shared so many times in the past. He paused in from of Ginny's room as muffled laughter and words sounded through the thin door. His heart jumped as he heard hers loud and clear. She sounded so happy and contented.

Harry forced his feet to move on. Listening to them wasn't going to help him in any way. He lost his chance and now there was nothing he could do but carry on with his façade. He took a deep breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his robes and managed a happy smile before stepping into Ron's room.

'Ready to get married mate', he asked with forged cheerfulness and Ron nearly jumped out of his skin.

'Merlin pants Harry', he gasped capping the tiny bottle of fire whiskey, are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack?'

'Sorry Ron', Harry said and closed the door behind him, 'isn't it a little early to start the fun?' He pointed at the bottle.

'I'm not getting pissed if that s what you mean', he said defensively and Harry held up in hand in agreement, 'it just helps with the nerves. It is a big day for me you know'.

'Yeah', Harry nodded and wondered if he will ever have such a day, 'but you are ready thought because there is no backing out after today is done'.

Ron grinned bashfully and walked over to the mirror to fix his black dress robes similar to Harry's, 'I am Harry. I never thought I could be this happy and to be marrying her, I feel like the luckiness bloke alive'.

'Well you are one lucky bloke Ron and to make sure you don't mess this up I'm going to take this', he slipped the bottle of liquor into his pocket knowing he is going to need it later.

'So have you seen Hermione?' the anxiousness in his voice called to Harry.

'No I haven't. I came straight here but I'm sure she is doing fine', he supplied not wanting to really talk about it, 'I mean it is Hermione'.

'Yeah', Ron was still smiling like an idiot. _Or probably a man in love, _'she's is probably wondering if I'm going to be late. So how do I look?'

'You look great mate', Ron nodded on agreement and they shared a laugh.

'I can safely say I do', he smiled to himself at his words and they boys shared a hug, 'now lets go get married my best man'.

-------

Harry stood beside Ron under the white arc adorn with flowers facing the crowd. Everything was in place and everyone was ready. The only thing missing was the bride. He inhaled deeply and tugged at his collar. The warm summer day was getting to him. The tent didn't quite reach where he was standing so he would have to stand through it.

He straightened and cupped Ron shoulder in way to appease his nerves as Ginny began walking down the aisle holding her a tiny bouquet of white roses. She did look beautiful in her green strap dress and flowing red hair but it did nothing for him. There weren't many people in the wedding party on the request on the bride and so as Ginny took her place opposite him the bridal theme began.

His heart galloped in his chest as he took a step back and everyone in the crown stood. There she was. With her wild hair sleeked back and her beautiful smile framing her face, Harry felt his heart literally drop to the bottom of his stomach. He couldn't form any coherent thoughts as she slowly made her way down the aisle with her dad; her smile never leaving her face as her gaze latched onto Ron's

Her dress clung to every curve on her body with the back flowing behind her as she grasped her green and white bouquet. Merlin she looked beautiful with her hair flowing over her shoulders. Her eyes never wavered to his and the ache in his chest tightened along with the knot in his stomach. Harry thought he was going to be sick. After what seemed like eternity they finally reached the priest. He watched on like everyone else as her father kissed her cheek lovingly and handed her over to the man he trusted to protect his little girl for the rest of her life.

Harry swallowed hard as Ron accepted her hand and they faced the priest before tuning to each other. This brought her in his unobstructed vision. _This was going to long. _He didn't know how long they stood there but all that he could see was her face as she looked unto her future husband with such love and devotion Harry felt his heart crumble little by little as the ceremony went on. It wasn't before long the rings were exchanged and their first kiss as man and wife was shared. It was then he knew he lost Hermione forever. He looked away and found Ginny staring at him, understating shining for her damp eyes.

He looked away onto the happy couple as they walked down the aisle as he and Ginny followed arm in arm. Applause followed them and Harry could see many of the women drying the eyes. He wondered what he missed.

Harry pulled Ginny closer to him lessening the space between them. No one knew they had broken up ad he didn't think now was the appropriate time to disclose that little fact. They had spent most of the evening in silence but not for her lack of trying to strike of a conversation, he just wasn't in the mood for small talk. He had a distinct feeling Ginny knew the reason too.

The speeches and toast were all over and they dance floor was filled with everyone from the bride and groom waltzing the corner to the proud parents. He sighed as another song came on and he heard Ginny's as well.

'I was right wasn't I', she asked and looked up at him, 'you are in love with Hermione. That's why you never totally let me in'.

He couldn't lie and nodded in agreement, 'there's nothing I can do now so it doesn't matter Gin'. He could hear the sadness in his voice and could have hexed himself. This was no time to show any weakness. He just had to get through the night and then things were going to get easier.

'I'll be fine Gin', he said seeing her pitiful expression. He didn't want her pity. 'I have been through worst haven't I?' Harry managed a smile but she still looked doubtful.

'I hope so Harry', she whispered and rested her head on his shoulder, 'I really hope so'.

_So do I Gin, so do I._

'Hey no snogging on the dance floor', Harry released Ginny as Ron and Hermione joined. Both of them were flushed and Ron was sweating a little. Hermione smiled at him and said teasingly.

'Ron right'.

'Well I guess that applies to the two of you as well', Harry replied jokingly completely stepping a way from Ginny, 'or you are an exception'.

'What do you think love', Ron said consulting his wife in mock seriousness, 'are we an exception to that rule'.

'I think we are Ron', and they proceeded to prove their point, 'but I would like a dance with my little sister if you don't mind Mr. Potter but I trade you my wife'.

Harry heart rate increased and his palm began sweating as Ron twirled away with Ginny. He didn't want to dance with Hermione. Having her pressed against him wasn't a good idea but he couldn't leave her standing there. _Suck it up Potter! _

'May I have this dance Mrs. Weasley?' he asked bending a little and extending his hand. She laughed and placed her had in his and Harry had to work not to react to her touch. He smiled and pulled her aligned with his body keeping as much distance without looking awkward. Her skin was heated to his touch.

'It does sound weird doest it?' she said and rested her head over his heart. He was sure she could its rapid beating, 'but I kind of like it'.

'Well you can't take it back now Mione', he said quietly trying to get his emotion under control.

Harry closed his eyes and rested his cheek on her head. Her soft curls tickled his face but he didn't mind, if this was all he could have with her, this perfect moment he was going to take. Harry kissed her hair gently and she snuggled close to him eliminating the space between them. His pulse rocketed and his arms tightened around her.

'You looked beautiful today Hermione', he muttered hoarsely in her ear, 'more so than at the Yule ball fourth year'.

'Really?' she asked without raising her head. He wanted to laugh at the earnestness in her voice.

'Yeah and I'm positive Ron has told you that a million times tonight', he said relaxing a bit, 'if I was him I would tell you as often as I can'.

She did look at him this time and her smile was breathtaking, 'I know but that is his duty now that he is my husband'. His smile faded slightly and he nodded. _Ron, her husband._

'What?' she asked noticing his less than enthused behavior, 'What's wrong Harry?'

'Nothing Mione', he said far too quickly and her eyes narrowed. _Dame! _

'Don't lie to me Harry', he said straightening in his arms, 'I know I haven't been around too much lately and we haven't talked much-'

'Maybe that's why you don't know what going on', he said a little too harshly than he meant to, 'because you have been spending all your bloody free time with Ron'.

He grimaced when her features flashed her hurt before she hid it. _You are an ass Potter. _He didn't want to cause a scene but from the resilient look in her eyes that was exactly what he was going to get.

'Look Hermione I'm sorry', he said frantically hoping Ron wouldn't glance over to them arguing, 'I didn't mean to shout. I just have a lot going on and I just-'

'Just what Harry?' her anger had lessened at all so he settled for the half truth, 'I just don't want to loose you'.

Hermione's eyes softened and she stepped back into his arms. They stood there for what seemed forever not moving with gazes locked on each others. Everything disappeared around him. There wasn't any wedding, no people dancing around them. Nothing but the pulsing heat consuming her body as she gently palmed his face. His eyes teared up as he thought of how his life was different without her. How empty he felt

'Harry you will never loose me', her voice was smooth like satin. The feel of her warm breath teased his lips, 'I told you that already'.

'Then why does it feel like I have already lost you Mione'. He said raggedly and he could feel her body stiffened in shock as he stared into her eyes. He wanted so much to tell her.

'Harry-'

'I just mean that', he cleared his throat trying to find the right words, 'with the last couple of months and you going on your honeymoon. We haven't really spent any time together since after the war'.

Her confused expression cleared and she nodded, 'yeah I know sorry. I just thought-'.

_Say it Hermione, save me from spelling it out. _

'Never mind what I thought', she covered up, 'it's silly anyways'.

'No tell me what you were thinking', he urge and then telling himself to shut up. This was asking for trouble with a capital T.

'Oh Harry it doesn't matter trust me'.

'Come on Hermione', he insisted wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Maybe that little bottle was finally working, 'you always told me everything'.

_Lay on the guilt huh?_

'Fine', she said exasperatedly, 'I thought you meant in caring for me in amore than a friend way. But that just ridiculous right?'

'Why is it ridiculous for you to believe I may have feelings for you?' The defensive tone in his voice had a hard edge, 'why do you think so?'

'Well for one you never indicated anything of such thing', she was on her guard again but it still irked him that she did think he wasn't capable of loving her.

'Would it have made a difference if I did Hermione', he asked as he simultaneously moved them on the floor, 'you wouldn't have cared because all you wanted was Ron right?'

'Yeah but-', she stammered and got the far away look in her eyes as if remember something. When her eyes clashed with his the emotions and understanding he saw in them made his heart stopped.

'Harry, are saying that you are in love with me?' the disbelief in her voice astounded him. She relay thought he could never feel that way about her.

'No Hermione', her relief was so apparent; he had to control his anger from erupting, 'I just meant that you shouldn't judge someone by how they behave. Even if I did it wouldn't have mattered because you wanted Ron. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy'.

'I don't think I can happier Harry', he nodded and he pecked her gently on the lips as if it did nothing to him and saw her eyes widened, 'for good luck. It looks like Ron wants to leave and get you all to himself'.

He handed her over to Ron when he approached them feeling as if he was giving his heart away. And he was. Everyone said their goodbyes and well wishes and eventually left the winding down party. He remained looking longingly at their appration spot willing the pain to ease.

Not wanting to re-join the celebration Harry discreetly nicked a bottle of fire whiskey and dissaparated to the dark, desolated living room of Grimmaul Place. 'Looks like it just you and me bud', he said and took a swig of the liquid welcoming the burn as he swallowed.

**A/N Bare with me guys, this will eventually end up Harry and Hermione. If you read please please review, I would like to hear what you thought of the fic so far.**


	3. Annoucement: Feedback needed

It has come to my attention through my reviews that this story has not really lived up to the Harry and Hermione standards because I write where Ron and Hermione actually have a relationship before she and Harry actually get together. I understand that most of what I write at the beginning of my fics is a little hard to read, but it all helps fit the plot together. I concede that I am not as good at writhing fiction that others don't see as good Harry and Hermione situations.

I am truly sorry if I offended anyone and I will stop writing if it's what the readers prefer. These fics are ways and different scenarios of how I try to explore what would happen if the situations really occur. For those of you who are reading my other fanfic Turmoil's Within, let me know if you feel the same way before I finish that fic as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys I just wanted to say thanks for all the encouragement you have given me these past few days, it really meant a lot. So here is the next installment of my fic and I hope you enjoy. **

**Chapter 2**

Harry stepped in to the empty lift on his floor. It had been a long day, better yet a long couple of weeks. The illegal activities of those with the power to control were increasing and it was basically becoming a pain in the butt. It has gotten easier since his partner, Ron Weasley had returned to work little ever a week ago.

Ron and Harry had started their training right after the war, but given the fact that they had destroyed the most evil wizard of all time, the training was more so a formality. As they had pursued their dream Hermione had began her training to become a Healer but switched to the research and regulation department, calling to her inner thirst for knowledge.

Since they had gotten back from their honeymoon Harry had tried not to cringe at their display of affection whenever he was in their company. It was getting harder to see them together and so he gradually began distancing himself telling himself it will get easier. It didn't because he ended up missing his friends but he got stuck with the happy couple so in love. Harry was happy for them but he also wanted to be happy as well. Was that so much to ask for?

His relationship with Ginny had developed into a really great friendship. She got how he felt and provided that ear she offered when they were together. It helped to an extent, and then he would feel guilty after unloading on her. The days after the wedding was the hardest however having her there as a friend had helped him tremendously from drowning in fire whiskey.

He was so lost in his musing that he didn't realized the lift stopped and someone had entered. He didn't need to look at her face to know who it was, he scent infiltrated his nostril and every nerve in his body came alive. Hermione Granger now Weasley smiled up at him in greeting as she stood beside him.

'Harry', she murmured appreciatively and pulled him into a one arms hug, 'it so good to see you'.

'Hey Hermione', he replied smiling down at her, 'it's great to see you as well. You looked great, guess the tan is really working for you huh?'

Her golden brown tan gave her a look of healthiness. She looked just that she did every time she came back from her summer vacation with her parents and more beautiful if possible. She was practically glowing and he really didn't want to think of the real reason why.

'Yeah', she said sheepishly, 'but I love it'.

'So I haven't seen you in while', Hermione said, 'I mean you haven't really come around since we got back'. Her laughter filled the tiny lift as he looked at her incredulously.

'Giving the phase your relationship is in now I didn't think my presence would have been welcome'.

Before she could have responded the lift jerk violently and Hermione instantly grabbed his arm to balance herself. Heat spread throughout his body at her touch. The lift shook again before coming to an abrupt standstill. A moment later all lights were off except for the emergency button casting its red glow around the lift.

_This was not good. Here alone with Hermione in this tiny space. _

'What just happened?' she asked shakily and Harry pried her hands off his arms and moved towards the buttons. He pressed the up down button continuously but nothing happened. He groaned in frustration. It looked like they were stuck for a while since it was late and most of the personnel had left.

'Looks like we are stuck Mione', he said to her, barely making out her form except for her bushy hair. He could have laughed at the situation but being in suck close quarter made his feel very claustrophobic.

Harry pressed the emergency button a few time before a female operator filled he air, '_Sorry for the inconvenience, if anyone is in the lift press HELP', _Harry did and waited for a response. He couldn't use magic to get out, '_please sit tight help is on the way and may be up to hour or longer. Testing is being down on all lifts'. _Yeah that's what his memo said a week ago.

'Yep guess we are going to be here for long time', he grumbled and took a seat on the floor opposite her. He was going to keep as much distance as possible the lift provided; which wasn't much because up to their mid calf touched when he stretched out his feet and Hermione took the initiative and placed both of her legs between his.

'They said an hour', she said conversationally adjusting her robes, 'which is so bad because we haven spent longer in worst places'.

'Yeah', he muttered_. But there was always a place to get away from you. _The sat in silence for most of the time since he sat down and he thought she fell asleep. He didn't really know how to talk to her anymore but as usual things weren't going in his luck.

'Is that the real reason you don't drop by Harry', her soft voice filled with question pierced the silence and he sighed wearily.

'No Hermione', he forced the words out trying to appease her, 'I have just been busy with work stuff and spending time with Teddy. I figured you guys could use the time alone before turning out back to work'.

'Oh so what's your excuse as to before the wedding', she asked, 'I know I was busy but you were practically scare. The only time I had heard from you was through Ginny and she wasn't really saying much either'.

'I don't know Mione', Harry stated in exhaustion, 'why does it really matter anyways?'

'It matters Harry', he said in her usual no nonsense voice, 'because this is the only time we have been in the same place for such a long time. This is probably the longest conversation had since the war was over'. _Guess the lie of talking to her after the war finally catching up to you Potter._

'What the bloody do you want me to talk to you about Hermione', he said aggravatingly. Why did she always have to turn things on him, 'do you want me to come running every time I have a nightmare? Do you want me to come running to talk to you every time I have a situation at work or when my day hadn't gone well at all?'

'How about when you and Ron are enjoying time alone and if just burst in telling you about another failed relationship?' He was breathing heavily now her with her silence he knew he had hurt her. Harry was thankful for the darkness around them.

'I didn't know that talking to me was such a hardship for you Harry', there he could tell she was crying from her voice. All he did was get angry at her. Every time they were alone they ended up arguing that was one of the reasons he stayed away.

'Oh man', he got up and sat next to her taking her in his arms, 'I'm sorry Mione. Please stop crying, I didn't mean it ok. I just – you know I was never good at talking about how I feel'.

'Then why are you always arguing with me', she whispered into his chest, 'we used to never argue. We never had a disagreement until what happened in the tent when we were horcrux hunting'.

'I guess I'm an idiot and I'm sorry', he said as kissed her forehead, 'it won't happen again I promise. Are we ok now?' He pulled back and a couple of inches, his eyes locking with hers.

'Yeah we are, even though I should slug you', she said teasingly, 'but I could never stay angry at you for long'.

Harry smiled and removed his hand from around her, missing the feel of her body and settled for holding her hand. Her soft tiny ones melted in his callous ones and he played with her fingers. His thumb ran her wedding rings and the ache returned in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

'So how's married life treating you?' He asked.

'Oh it's great', he could hear the smile in her voice, 'Ron has really grown up. I mean we still fight but he has been really good to me and just when I thought it can't get better something happens and it does'.

'Well that's good to hear because I will kick his ass if he didn't treat you right'.

She laughed at his response and grasped his hands tighter while she rested her head in his shoulder. His pulse quickened and his breathing became ragged. As much as his body relished the feel of her it rejected it as well. He checked his watch; a little over forty five minutes had passed. He hoped they would get them out of hear soon.

'Harry are you ok?' she asked raising her head to look up at him. Leave it to her to know him to so well, 'you're shaking'.

'Well I'm feeling a little light head being in here', he gestured to the lift not really lying because he was feeling a little claustrophobic, 'kind of reminds me of the cupboard I use to stay in'.

'Oh Harry', she cried moving closer to him, 'I hate those people for what they did to you. Making you feel so unloved and worthless. But you aren't Harry', she grasped his face in her hands making her look at him. Her lips were so close to his he could practically taste the mint on them.

'You have the Weasleys and Ron who love you very much', the certainty in her voice would have convinced him if he didn't already know that, 'and you have me. Above everything else you have me'. Harry swallowed and nodded. He knew he had her but not the way he wanted to.

'I know Hermione', he murmured quietly, 'all that missing now is a family I have always wanted'. One he knew he may never have because he wanted that with her and she couldn't give him a family he always wanted.

'Yeah and you would have had that if you hadn't broken up with Ginny', she scolded and he exhaled. He knew this was coming sooner or later. The news of Ginny's breakup with him had gotten around. Ron had already given him an earful.

'I think that's one of the things that falls under none of your business', he said clasping her wrist and pulling it from his face, 'but if you must know it was her choice'.

'Because you gave her no reason to stay Harry', she stated as if it was obvious as was settling herself beside him again.

'I know', he mumbled, 'but it's for the best and we are friends now'.

'Ok Harry if that's what you want', she said knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of him and he nodded and the silence surrounded them again. The lift was becoming cooler with every passing second and his tolerance for the tiny space was running thin. It was now a few minutes pass the one hour stamp.

'Ron and I are trying for a baby', she said quietly playing with his fingers nervously. Harry felt his heart skipped a beat and maybe more because of her words. Having the two of them married was one thing but kids. That sealed the deal, not that he was hoping they would break up. _Yeah right Potter keep telling yourself that! _

'Wow a baby, that's-'

'Fast I know', she rushed in, 'but I realized there never will be a perfect time to have a baby and I know Ron really wants one and so do I. I guess I'm guess scared you now, a baby is a big commitment'.

'Unlike a marriage', he joked trying to get the imaged of her baby out of his head; a baby with his messy black hair not red or her brown hair and her brown eyes.

'I'm being serious here Harry', she swatted his arm and he faked being hurt, 'what do you think'.

'I think you will make a great mom Hermione', he said seriously believing every word, 'you have helped me so much and it shows how loving and caring you are. Your baby girl will be one lucky kid having you and Ron as her parents'.

'How do you know it will be a girl', she asked a smile gracing her lips and he stuttered intelligently feeling his face grew hot, 'its ok. She or he will be lucky to have you in their life as well'.

'How many kids do you want? I mean when you do get married', the question caught him a little off guard but he already knew.

'I want two maybe three', he said lost in his thoughts, 'a girl first just like her mother down to every freckle and maybe a boy like me and the third a boy or a girl. It doesn't matter but a mixture of both of us'. Harry chuckled as he got an image of his kids trying to deal with his uncontrollable hair gene.

'I think that's great Harry', her voice was considerably quiet but he couldn't place her tone of voice; wistfulness? Regret? 'But I think that she may want all her kids with you to have you beautiful eyes'.

'Would you?' the question slipped out and he could have bitten his tongue in retribution as silence followed.

'Yeah I would', her eyes latched on to his and he had to fight the urge to close the distance between them and taste her. The feel of her lips against his however briefly at the wedding still tortured him. It left him craving for more.

She opened her mouth to say something but the lift jerked and the lights flickered on breaking the spell. Hermione jumped to her feet leaving him to adjust to the sudden brightness as the doors opened. She stepped out and he quickly followed her nodding to the man in work uniforms holding the door, 'sorry about that guys'.

'I guess I'll see you around then', Hermione said wrapping her arms around him, 'on second thought, why don't you come over for dinner this weakened? I know Ron would love to spent time with you out of work and you can test my cooking abilities'.

'Are you sure that's a good idea Mione', he said with bogus disgust and earned a slap over the head, 'jeeze the abuse'.

'Fine', he raised his hands in surrender and she grinned, 'I will see you then ya little witch?'

'You will be eating your words Mr. Potter', she said sternly but her eyes twinkled with humor, 'see you tomorrow night then'. Harry nodded and watched her longingly as she disappeared through the floo as he followed as well.

-------

Harry spent most of the Saturday at Godric's Hallow. He hadn't told anyone but he was repairing it. When he had seen it during the war something has called out to him. This was his home, a place he would have grown up in if his parents hadn't died. Now he could with a little – ok maybe a lot of repair before he could actually stay in it.

It was a slow gruesome process because he wasn't using magic. Maybe that as why the place was actually looking more like his childhood home. Magic had destroyed it so maybe magic wouldn't rebuild it. Harry didn't mind the labor. It made him feel as if he was accomplishing something and he had done much manual labor for the Dursley's so this wasn't so bad.

Well other than the aches and pain along with the flashes of memories when he entered a certain room or touched something, it wasn't so bad. The kitchen was finished and today he was working on the living room. It hadn't had the courage to venture upstairs to his parents room or his room yet. Harry had a feeling those rooms were going to be the hardest.

Wiping the sweat dripping down his face Harry heaved his soaked white t-shirt over his head, tucking it in his back pocket letting it hang long. It was probably about five in the afternoon when he was apparated home.

Harry took a much needed shower and stopped by Andromenda to see spend some time with his Godson before going over to Ron and Hermione. He connected with the little boy more than anyone could have imagined and the guilt that was still there but Harry worked passed it.

Ron answered the door by Harry's second knocked. They boys hugged each other and Ron clamped him on the back in good nature, 'great to see you out of work mate. I really hate having you as my boss'.

'Well that's not my problem Ron', Harry had recently gotten promoted the past week and was now one step ahead of Ron, not that it caused any friction between them. As they walked toward the kitchen a slight burning smell came for it. He looked questioningly at Ron who grimaced and said, 'suck it up she made a lot of effort to make this one'.

Harry could do nothing more than nod as Ron pushed the door open. Hermione stood by the table wearing a light brown apron over her clothes while setting the plates on the. She smiled tucking her loose hair behind her hair and kissed his cheek in greeting.

'You are right on time Harry', she said excitedly, 'we are about ready to eat'.

'Everything looks great love', Ron said as he sat down and Harry took the seat beside him as Hermione sat in the middle on the opposite side.

'Yeah Hermione', he said eying the chicken and the mashed potato with corn.

Hermione sat watching the two of them and Harry glanced at Ron who hadn't touched his dinner yet. _She couldn't be that bad, could she? _But she was. Harry nearly choked as he cut into chicken, he couldn't tell what exactly was wrong with it; too salty, not enough salt or just plain bad. He couldn't tell her and judging from Ron's expression of not trying to cringe as he took once more bite, he hadn't told her as well.

'So how is it?' he didn't have the heart to tell her the truth but he couldn't lie to her as well. He looked at Ron for help but Ron was waiting for him to answer. _Oh no you don't Ron I'm not going to burst her bubble! _Ron raised his eyebrow in frustration and Harry kicked him under the table.

'Love', he stared and Harry discretely ejected his mouthful in his tissue, 'you are great at a lot of things you know that but cooking isn't one of them'.

Harry wanted the ground to open and swallow him at Hermione's crestfallen expression. She looked did look hurt but more disappointed.

'Hermione', his words got stuck in his throat when her eyes clashed with his. They were filled with tears of frustration and embarrassment before she masked it and dug in. He really didn't know what to say but her expression said it all. She got up and immediately emptied her mouthful in the skin. Harry and Ron shared a tiny smiled.

'How about take out?' she asked her voice uncharacteristically high and Ron got up volunteering to go get it. He gave her a peck and whispered something in her ear and she laughed before telling them he will be back as fast as he can. As soon as Ron left Hermione began cleaning after what remained of their meal in silence. She didn't meet his eyes or even looked at him and he knew she was still humiliated.

He got up and began helping her but still she wouldn't look at him and start doing the dishes manually, 'you ok?'

He knew how she felt. There were many times were she felt the same emotions and just wanted to hide.

'Yeah', her voice was barely audible, 'I don't even know why I'm upset. It was just a ruin meal not the end of the world'.

'Hermione we both know you never like to fail at anything', he said gently testing the waters, 'and you see this as a failure, besides you know practice makes perfect'.

Harry felt relieved when she turned to him and offered a smile, 'when did you get so wise'.

'I always was you just never listened to me', he jested pulling another smile at her, 'no one expects you to know everything and you shouldn't. If you did then you weren't be as perfect as you are now and then there would be nothing I could beat you at'.

Harry rambled on trying to get her relaxed again, 'Merlin Hermione you have to leave something for me other than Quidditch and DADA. How selfish can you be?'

'OK Harry I get it', she was now wiping her tears away at his antics, 'you can stop now before I start bawling'.

'That's better isn't it?' he said thumbing her tears away. He loved her laugh.

'Thanks Harry you always know how to make me feel better'. Harry wrapped his arms around her glad that he could help. The feel of her against him was incredible and he was pleased to know he could comfort her without feeling weird about it. Maybe he was beginning to get over her after all. But then he felt her breath on his neck and Harry knew he was back at square one.

That was how Ron found them, wrapped up in each other. Guilt bubbled up inside him before he swashed it. He wasn't doing anything wrong, well if you didn't include what was going through his brain. With a raised eyebrow Ron gestured silently at them.

'A little therapy session', Harry said over her head and Hermione immediately pulled away from him, 'but she's ok now'.

'Oh come on Hermione you'll get better', Ron said soothingly and placed the food on the table, 'eventually anyways'. And Harry joined in the laughter. It actually felt like normal, the three of them just hanging out.

'Ha ha very funny Ron', she admonished teasingly, 'now how about we have something actually edible for dinner'.

Dinner passed somewhat pleasantly as they all got caught up with each other lives. The night ended with a friendly game of chess with Ron which he of course lost but didn't mind that much. It night was nearly perfect until Ron said he would like a word with him as he was preparing to leave.

He glanced at Hermione but caught her exchanging knowing looks with Ron. She knew what he wanted to ask her, 'is everything alright Ron?'

'Yeah mate things are great', he said, 'but I wanted to ask you something. Well Hermione and I were wondering if you met someone. I know you didn't really love Ginny and she isn't too broken up about it. Actually I have never seen her so happy?'

'Ron what is your point?' he said reigning in his growing anger. He didn't ask them to meddle in his life?

'We just thought that we could help you out mate', Ron said sensing Harry's anger, 'we are just looking out for you'.

'Well I don't need you to look out for me Ron', Harry said tightly, 'just because you found your happy ending doesn't mean that I want mine OK. I never asked you for your help and frankly I don't want it'.

-------

**PS. if you read please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys thanks for all the review. This chapter is more of a filler for me; nothing too dramatic happens but nevertheless I do hope you still enjoy it. As always review are welcomed just go easy in me if you don't like something that I wrote.**

**Chapter 3**

The following Monday morning Harry was already having a head start on his day when Ron came in. He knew he over reacted when Ron, in a few words had suggested he get a love life. He had fumed all of the few seconds it took him to get home and then he realized he was acting like prat. Once again he let his emotions and his pride dictate his life and so he had gone out and tried to have some fun. He had met a really nice girl but after a few drinks he realized it wasn't going to go anywhere and so he left.

'Hey Harry', Ron hesitant voice broke into his thoughts, 'sorry about the other night. We didn't mean to pry mate'.

'It OK Ron', Harry said, 'I wasn't expecting that from you and I just overacted. The truth is I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't know whether they are in it for me or the man who defeated Voldemort you know'.

Ron shivered at the Dark Lord's name, 'dame I can't believe I still can't say that bastards name. I totally understand where you are coming from', Harry raised his eyebrows, 'or maybe I don't but you shouldn't let that control the rest of your life'.

'You deserve to be happy Harry', Ron continued, 'isn't that what you had always wanted; to have a great life. You can have everything you ever wanted now. I'm not saying you have to get married even thought its great but just open yourself up to the possibility of actually being happy mate'.

'You're right Ron', Harry stated. It actually made a lot of sense, 'it's time to stop hiding but I'm not promising anything besides it's my life right', he added jokingly.

And so for the next few months Harry went on a small number of dates. Some went well others were just plain weird. He had a great with most of them but there just wasn't any spark. Many times he found himself comparing the girls with Hermione and that had just made him angry with his inability to move and actually give the other girls a fair chance.

'I had a great time tonight Harry', the brunette dressed in a slinky red dress said as they stood by her flat.

'So did I Sarah', he replied and it was true. She was beautiful, intelligent and she made good conversation. In the end he felt as if he made another friend.

'But not enough for another one right', his face flushed with embarrassment and she smiled, 'it's ok. I hope the girl that has your heart knows she is one lucky woman. But maybe you need a night to let go of everything and just enjoy yourself'.

She took his hand and stepped closer to him. Her expensive perfumed filled his nose and he grimaced. It was nothing like – _don't go there Potter. _'Maybe you are right', Harry said and he made no objection as she lead him into her darkened flat towards her room. For once he wasn't going to think about Hermione and his feelings for her but more about his needs.

'So I guess it really was only one night you wanted huh?' Harry paused almost guiltily as he was pulling on his shirt when the rasping voice filled the air. Dawn was barely breaking when he had woken up and he wanted to slip away unnoticed hoping to avoid the weird morning after. _Better luck next time mate._

'I didn't want to wake you', he supplied turning around to face her. He didn't regret what happened last night but he wasn't excited over the fact either. Being with Sarah had helped him forget, if only for a night but this morning, nothing had changed. He still felt the same way about Hermione and a one night stand wasn't going to make that go away.

'And I need to get to work', Harry felt almost foolish as the words came out his mouth but he really didn't know what to say. Thank you for being a substitute didn't quite sound right but he didn't want her to think he wasn't grateful, 'but um thanks for last night', he ended up saying and Harry began scratching the back of his neck nervously.

'Don't worry about it Harry'. She drawled sweetly smiling flirtatiously up at him, 'I had fun as well and besides it's not everyday a girl can say she shagged the great Harry Potter right?'

'Right', he mumbled feeling worst than ever. This was one of the reasons he didn't like dating, they all wanted a piece of the 'Chosen One', 'well I guess I'll see you around then'.

The cool morning air greeted him as he pulled the door shut behind him. Harry drew his coat around his lean body as he began walking down the street. It would have taken him a few seconds to reach the confines of his home but Harry felt a walk would do him better. He didn't need to be at work for another two hours so there was no harm in indulging himself in some fresh air.

She only went out with him because of who he was. Harry didn't know why that bothered him so much, it wasn't like he didn't expect that but having Sarah say that only made it more real. No one cared about the man beneath the name, no one saw who he really was or cared for that part of him. All they wanted was the part of his life he detested, the part of him life that had given him nothing but pain and grief.

Well that was just fine by him. He might as well get some pleasure out of all the madness he had been through. They wanted the great Harry Potter well he had no qualms in taking the enjoyment that came along with his name. In the back of his mind Harry ignored the condemning voice that sounded very much like Hermione.

Harry didn't know for how long he had been walking but as he glanced at his watch it had been over an hour. 'Time flies when you're having fun', he muttered ruefully under his breath and apparated home. He showered and got prepared for work.

A beautiful grey owl greeted him as he approached his desk. He didn't have to think twice about whose it belonged to; Ron and Hermione. Ron wouldn't be sending him a note so that only left his other half. Guilt simmered inside him as what he did last night came back but Harry blocked it out. He didn't do anything wrong.

_Hey Harry,_

_How are you? Just wanted to remind you of tonight; Ron's surprise birthday party, he knows we are having dinner at The Burrow but that's it so don't give it away ok. So I'll see you tonight and don't be late!_

_Love always _

_Hermione._

Harry didn't quite forget about the bash but he did forget to get a present for his mate. It was the he remembered the tickets he got to the Cudley Cannons game coming up. Ron would make better use of them since most of the girls he met didn't want to spend a day watching men on brooms. Harry folded the note but not before his eyes ran over her ending words; if only that were through Mione. He tucked the note in his pocket and got started in his work for the cases he had covered. This was the only part he hated about being an Auror.

'Morning mate', Ron greeted not long after and harry was glad for the company. Even thought he was a head of Ron Harry declined the move to another office. It was much better feeling like you have a partner than being in a room by yourself.

'Hey Ron', he replied walking over to him and they shared a brotherly hug and gave him the tickets that were in his drawers, 'Happy Birthday'.

'Thanks', Ron said grinning broadly as he took the tickets, 'it bloody sucks that I have to work thought but I heard by boss is a slave driver'.

'Well I'll make sure to have a word with him about that', Harry said coyly and once again took his position behind his cluttered desk, 'but I don't think you should complain since you got really great seat to a game and the weakened is upon us'.

'Yeah yeah whatever', Ron said and he his coat up, 'where were you last night? I came over and you weren't home?'

'Oh well I was out ', he said evasively and heard Ron snort loudly at his response, 'what you asked where I was so there is your answer'.

'Well I gathered that much Harry', his best friend replied smugly and Harry knew he was going to dig until he got something concrete, 'what I wanted to know was with who. I know you have been dating a fair number of girls but you never spend the whole night out'.

'Yeah well how do you know that?' Harry asked harshly and saw Ron's candid expression drop, 'it's not like I live as a monk Ron, not like I a pinning for someone who I can't have. I'm just taking your advice'.

'Wow mate I never suggested that', Ron said submissively, 'I'm jus glad that you are actually going out and not begin cooped up Harry and Hermione maybe asking as well so'. _Oh bloody hell why couldn't they just let it go!_

'Sorry Ron', he said dejectedly, 'I know you mean no harm. I just hate doing paperwork'. Harry knew he succeeded in steering the topic away from his when Ron face contorted into pure disgust.

'Oh bloody hell', he said going over to his stacked desk, 'that thing never ends and I have so many piles to do'. Harry exhaled in relief as Ron became occupied with his own work. He knew he needed to be less touchy with the subject of his love life if he wanted to move on.

------

After grabbing a butterbeers and the occasional fire whiskey at the Three Broomsticks Harry accompanied Ron to the Burrow. He wasn't really in the party mood but it was Ron's birthday and he had promised Hermione he would be there. Harry had thought about going back to see Sarah and invite to come along with him but then he re thought that wise idea and said one night with her was good enough. He didn't need to start a club for all the fan girls he dated.

'So should I act surprise when I go in or do you want me to save you from getting yelled at?' Ron asked quirking and eyebrow at him as they made their way to the Burrow.

'You know about the surprised party? Harry asked a little shocked; Ron didn't usually catch on these things.

'Well I didn't until you just told me', the birthday boy replied laughing pleased with his tactics and Harry could have kicked himself, 'thanks a lot mate'.

'We should stick to you acting surprise then Ron', Harry said with a smile of his own. And Ron did. His reaction was that out of a movie as he played the role to perfection. All the Weasleys were present including their friend s from Hogwarts; Seamus, Dean, Neville, the Patils twins, Luna and much to his surprise Lavender Brown.

As the wore on night he tried his best to hold in his laughter when he saw just how much Hermione appreciated the latter of the friends' presence at the party. Ron however acted as if nothing was out of the order as he basked in the moment. The laughter rumbling in his throat died however when Hermione shifted the glare to him, as if she knew what he was thinking.

'Should I look out for her well being tonight Mione', Harry breathed in her ear since the air was filled with chatter as they observed the festivities. Neither of them cared much for an active role unless it was necessary, 'if looks could kill tut tut poor Lavender'.

'Oh hush it Harry', she scolded but he could see her expression soften, 'I would never hurt her just because she and Ron had a fling. It was Mrs. Weasley who unknowingly invited her and I didn't think she would show'.

'Ok then if you say so but maybe I should go say hi to her or something since you aren't going to', Harry said amusedly and made a move to go but was stopped as Hermione hand clamped on his upper arm.

'You will do no such thing', she shrieked pulling him back next to her, 'besides she looks comfortable with Seamus, don't you think'.

Harry eyes followed her gaze as the two mentioned were dancing together. Everyone else was having a great time, talking and dancing but Harry and Hermione. He wasn't much of a dancer and so he sat most of out it throughout the evening but Hermione had taken pity and came to keep him company after she and Ron had a go.

'So how have you been?' she asked quietly as they took a seat at the far end of the make shift dancing are, 'I mean since I last saw you?'

He knew exactly what she was asking since Ron had told him but Harry was reluctant to divulge any, 'it didn't work out Hermione. I don't think any of them will and it won't change no matter how may times you ask the same question'.

'I don't understand why Harry', she said almost frustratingly, 'I mean you are not a bad looking bloke and you rid the world of evil'.

'There in lies the problem Mione', he responded and took a swig of his bottle, 'they don't see me, all they see is Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived'.

'I'm sorry', she said and placed a hand over his and she looked up at him with those eyes that always undid him. Harry felt the heat of her palm shoot up his arm as the pulse at the base of his neck began beating rapidly. He was doing so well, it was like nothing had changed, that the single touch from her wouldn't send his blood ablaze. That her scent wouldn't have him unconsciously leaning in so that he could imbed it in his mind. That he wasn't in love with her. But he was wrong.

'Don't be', he managed and broke their gaze as reached for another bottle so as to shake her hands off, 'besides I am beginning to enjoy the pleasure my name brings'.

He forced a smile and looked back at her expecting her to share the joke but she wasn't. Hermione wore an expression he was having a hard time deciphering and it unnerved him a little. He had no time to figure it out as a slightly drunk Ron dropped himself next to her and draped and arm around her shoulder.

'Well hello my beautiful wife', he said smiling up at Hermione and Harry suddenly felt out of place, 'why have you been angry with me all night. It isn't because of Lavender is it?'

Harry slowly moved away from the couple and took refuge at the kitchen door as Hermione answered his question. His stomach felt queasy and it had nothing to do with what he eaten earlier. The familiar pain was back, the feelings came back, all in a rush as Harry watched the two of them in his peripheral vision. He couldn't look away fully; it was like he would know why Hermione chose Ron over him if he saw how they interacted. But in the end all it did was cause him more pain.

'Watching them isn't going to make it easier for you, you know?' Harry didn't have to turn around to know that it was Ginny who spoke to him. She was the only one who knew how he felt, 'you have to move on Harry; this isn't healthy for you'.

'I know that Ginny', he said quietly as his eyes followed them dancing. He cringed inwardly as they shared a kiss and Ron wrapped her in his arms. What he wouldn't give to be in Ron's position, 'but how am I supposed to do that. I have tried but I just can't let her go'.

He chanced a glanced at her and he grimace at the compassion shining in her eyes. He knew she was right but he couldn't bring himself to just stop loving her. Hermione had a hold on him; on his heart that no one could break. She was it for him and it didn't matter that he couldn't have her. Maybe some where down the road he would find that somebody but then he would only be settling.

'If you don't let Hermione go Harry it will slowly kill you; eating away from the inside', she whispered and squeezed his arm gently before joining the others as they began cutting the cake.

'Who says it isn't killing me now Gin', he muttered quietly and raised his bottle in a toast as he painted the perfect smile on his face when Ron shouted for him. And as he moved away from the swing door, he never realized that Mrs. Weasley was standing just inside the kitchen the whole time he was talking to Ginny with a slightly shocked expression marring her face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 4**

_It was nothing short of an explosion as their lips met. Harry pulled her pliant body closer, molding her soft curves into the lean length of his. All the time he had imagined kissing her soft lips, having them in sweet surrender to the passion he guarded so much; the passion he tired so much to ignore was nothing like he thought it would be but so much more in reality. _

_Harry felt the heat of their connected body spread to every cell in his as her lips opened beneath his and granted the entrance he greatly desire. The first brush of her tongue against his had him hard and ready for her yielding body. In this perfect moment; with her wrapped in his arms as he was in hers Harry knew she wouldn't deny him. _

_His hands moved down her body, caressing her shoulders, the underside of her breast swollen with arousal to the curve of her hip. He gasped almost painfully as her hot hands traveled from the hollow of his neck, resting briefly on the rapidly beating pulse there, to the waistband of his jeans leaving a trail of fire in its wake._

_His breathing became ragged when her lips took another heated path along the firmness of his jaw as the reached their destination before playfully nibbling on his ears, 'do you want me Harry?' she whispered heatedly against the tender organ. His body sagged momentarily as he tried to catch his breath and his grip on her hips tightened for support._

_He kissed her hard leaving her breathless before murmuring intensely, his voice deep with desire for the woman in his arms, 'you know I do Mione'. He lifted her effortlessly in his arms and placed her on the bed that seem to appear out of no where. Harry wasted no time in claiming her lips again as he simultaneously rid her of her clothing, kissing every inch of creamy skin as he went along._

_Harry jeans vanished along with hers and their body succumbed to the passion and desire that seemed to take over their entire surrounding and not just their body. Their sounds of combined pleasure filled the air and it wasn't long before her named was ripped hoarsely from his throat when he followed her over the abyss that led only to fulfillment as their body found each others' rhythm._

'Hermione!' Harry jerked away at the sound of his own voice to total darkness. He was breathing harshly and his sweaty body was tangled in a torrent of twisted sheets around his waist. It happened again, that dream had been tormenting him for the better part of the week and it was really starting to become one real pain. The ache in his pants was proof of that fact.

As his breath became longer and steadier Harry twisted out of the sheets but didn't get up. He swiped the sweat for his brows and laid back down willing the last remnants of the dream to vanish. _Merlin it felt so real._ He could still taste her, feel her under his fingertips and it was driving his mental, for a lack of a better word. Wasn't it enough she was married? Wasn't it enough she was married to his best friend to stop this madness; this unquenchable thirst that he seem to have her, to make her _his_.

He eyes found the muggle clock on his night stand; 5am. He was going to have one hell of a miserable days since he knew there was no way he was going to fall asleep again. Harry propped one hand behind his head and placed the other on his naked chest as he stared up at the old ceiling since his mind was determine not to shut down. Ginny was right this was becoming unhealthy for him. He sighed and got up, it made no sense staying in bed; with his body still reeling from his dream and aching for the physical release he didn't want to seek elsewhere. The shower in the other room was definitely calling his name.

The sudden burst of cool water from the spray instantly brought him warm body release. He groaned in satisfaction, leaning his hand on the wall of the shower as he let the water cascade over his body. With his eyes closed Harry could clearly see Hermione before him; he could feel her lips skimming along his jaw as her tiny hands made their own journey, similar to that in his dreams but further.

His fist slammed into the wall and pain instantly shot through his arm. He cursed under his breath and curled his aching hand into a fist. _She is not yours Potter. She will never be yours. Get that through you thick head and move on! _He softly hit his head with head word spoken. It didn't matter how many times he repeated them, he always went back to stage one; wanting her.

Harry angrily tuned off the spray as the water became cooler and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. Harry swiftly dried off not bothering to shave the dusky shadowed on his face and donned on his clothes for work. He might as well make good use of his time rather that drowning his emotions in a bottle of fire whiskey.

He was finishing his bowl of half eating oatmeal when Ron made his way onto the kitchen. Harry was more than surprise to see his mate so early in the morning and wondered if he had somehow forgotten a planned meeting or something.

'Morning mate', Ron said less hyper than he usually was and Harry became suddenly alerted. _Hermione!_ 'I took a chance you were still home instead of sending an owl'.

'Is everything OK Ron', Harry asked his meal now ancient history, 'is Hermione alright?'

'Yeah, yeah she's fine', Ron added with a wave of his hand, 'I just wanted to know if I could have the morning off. I'm taking Hermione to see a Healer to-'

'I thought you said she was fine', Harry interrupted him harshly. The thought if he hurt didn't sit well with him at all.

'…be checked out', Ron rambled on after Harry' exclamation, 'she's fine mate we just want to make sure everything is fine'.

Harry's furrowed brows relaxed as his friends' meaning and almost instantly his stomach turned nauseous, 'a Healer you said, so that means she's pregnant'. His breath snagged at his own words.

'She's not, that's why we are going, to make sure everything is ok with her and me as well', Harry's relief was so prominent he had to work so that Ron wouldn't take it the wrong way. Hermione had told him about her desire to have a baby but he really didn't dwell on that little but if information. _Some friend you are. _

'Oh, that's not a problem mate', Harry said referring to his request since he really had no idea what to say, 'take the entire day if you have to'.

'Thanks mate', Ron said, 'I'll keep you update when we're finish in case – well in case things don't go well, you know how Hermione gets'. Harry nodded in agreement as Ron took his leave. He knew how much she wanted to start a family and it would kill her if something stood in the way. He cleared away his uneaten breakfast and left as well, knowing he had a busy day ahead of him.

------

Ron didn't turn in to work for the rest of the day. Harry wanted to know what happened but he also didn't want to interfere in Ron and Hermione's life and so he bury the urge to drop by their flat and find out what happened. But then hr realized that he couldn't even if he wanted to because he promised Andromeda he would take Teddy for a while this evening. Harry didn't quite trust himself to have the little minx for a whole night but he was willing to see what happened.

It didn't take long for Harry to collect Teddy and his baby bag from Andromeda after work before he went home. He shrugged out of his coat and placed Teddy who was in his infant basket on the table in the living room. Harry sat down opposite him and couldn't help but smile as Teddy was constantly changing his hair color and grinning toothily up at his Godfather. His heart warm as the little's guy antics.

'Looks like it me and you little man', Harry said to him and Teddy looked up at him with eyes so similar to his father as if understanding what Harry was saying, 'but you don't mind do you? I mean you have been spending all your time with your Grandma and I think it's time you had your Godfather and Godson relationship, don't you?'

Harry laughed as Teddy just gurgles intelligently at his words before having fun with his hair color again; he kept going from purple to blue and hot pink. Harry felt as ease for the first time throughout his entire day. Having someone, even if it was a baby to share the empty house with was a reprieve, 'so since you have been a bad boy, not wanting your bottle earlier. How about we try it again umm?'

Harry accioed a bottle from the bag and warmed it before giving it to the boy. His chubby hands reached out instantly trying to grab to the milk but Harry playfully kept it out if his reach, 'now you want it huh? You just like giving your Grandma a hard time don't you. Maybe I should make you work for this one'.

'Picking on a little baby Harry, I thought you were better than that', Harry nearly jumped out of his skin as the teasing voice of Hermione filled the hair. He wiped his head around so fast that it nearly snapped.

'Merlin Hermione', he said breathlessly as his heart raced, 'what did I ever do to you?'

'Nothing that left any lasting injuries', she said smiling as she took a seat next to him. Teddy hair turn to bright pink showing his excitement to someone other that his teasing Godfather, 'but I think you should stop picking on the little guy', she rubbed Teddy's stomach drawing another giggle from him, 'and give Teddy his bottle, don't you?'

'Yeah', he mumbled as his cheeks turn red with mortification, 'I was just ah-um having a little fun with him'. He looked back at the gurgling baby and gave him his bottle, magicing it to stay just the right way. Teddy automatically latched on with such vigor that it few a few chuckles from the adults.

'So where's Ron?' He asked casually and his hands gravitated to rubbing Teddy's feet. They were so soft and smooth much like Hermione skin. Harry didn't ever try to block out the thought since it wouldn't have made ant difference.

'He went over to the Burrow and I thought I would come see how you were', at the mention of the Weasley's home made Harry sat a little straighter. Ever since Ron's birthday party Mrs. Weasley had been giving him weird looks; they weren't harsh or anything but more of mixture of admonition and sympathy. He felt a number of times she was about to say something to him but held back.

'…I think it's great that you are having a relationship with Teddy', he had totally zoned out of what Hermione was saying but barely managed to get her last few words.

'Well I am his Godfather after all', he joked sending her a similar glance and she rolled her eyes, 'but I understand what you mean. Remus was the last Marauder left after Sirius and then Dumbledore died and in a way he was the last father figure I had. Besides I don't mind at all, it makes me feel close to Tonks and Lupin'.

'You don't need Teddy for that Harry', she responded softly and Harry had to fight the urge to look at her. He knew her eyes would be warm with understanding, so he nodded at he words, 'they will always be in your heart and your thoughts'.

'I know', he whispered and smile slightly at her. Teddy was now lying quietly looking up at them wide eyed, his bottle forgotten and Harry was thankful for the distraction.

'He needs to be burped', Hermione said and they both reached for his at the time. At the brush of her hands over his Harry breath caught in his throat and flashes of his dream bombarded his mind. That made his heart start hammering in is chest. He pulled away as if he was burn and stumbled up. Hermione looked curiously at him.

'Sorry', he stammered and managed a small smile, 'you go head. I'll get something for us to drink'.

Harry took refuge in the kitchen and braced himself up against the counter. He swiped his hands over his face after he removed his glasses and sighed. _Get a hold of yourself mate, if you don't she will think something is wrong and we wouldn't want that. _He took a deep breath and made some tea, better than the liquor he had now that a baby was present.

He moved towards living room and was stopped short with the sight of Teddy cradled in Hermione's arms; she was holding him gently and gently running her fingers over his chubby legs. Teddy was obviously showing off as he had Hermione's full attention and Harry wondered if it was wrong to be jealous of a baby. He was right she would make a great mom. Hermione was smiling but there was a hint of sadness radiating for her eyes as well. Harry knew it had something to do with her appointment today.

'Looks like you have a new admirer Mione', he suggested placing their cups on the table as he watched two of his favorite people interact.

'Well at least he is better than Gawp', her laughter made drew one of his own, 'and I don't have to worry about Teddy squeezing me to dead'.

'Yeah', he could keep his eyes from roaming her face. She practically lit up with the little guy in her arms. It was the look of excitant she always got when she was talking about something great she read in a book; it made her eyes sparkle.

'So you gonna tell me what happened today or do you want to play the guessing game', he saw her flinch slightly but relaxed almost instantly, 'sorry didn't mean to spring that on you'.

'No it's OK', she replied and placed a sleepy Teddy back into his pram, 'well the good news is we are both healthy but it's just going to take a while before the baby comes'.

The wistfulness in her voice tore at his heart and he couldn't resist placing his hand on her lower back, gently rubbing circles, 'well that's good news right? I mean you guys have all the time in the world. But we both know that's not all the Healer told you'.

She turned towards him; bringing their bodies' closer together and Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. Her eyes shone bright with unshed tears, 'Hermione?'

'Its Ron', she whispered not meeting his eyes and his hand tightened around her waist, 'the doctor said most of the problem lies with him. It's not impossible for us to have kids but it will just take longer and he suggested we just keep trying and eventually I will become pregnant'.

'Does Ron know that, is that why he went to the Burrow?' Harry asked, testing the waters. He knew how Ron got when he received a blow to his pride.

'No he doesn't know', she replied, twirling her hands nervously together, 'you know how he gets so I told him it was me and he was really understanding about it'.

'Hermione', he began rolling his eyes and tilting his head a little.

'I know Harry', she said quickly, 'I should have told him but it's best this way'.

'How is it best Hermione?' he could feel his anger growing, 'you guys should work this out together and Ron shouldn't be angry at you for something that is coming from his side'.

'He's not angry Harry', she said defensively, 'just a little put out that's all and the Healer said it would just take some time'.

Harry could see the conviction blazing in her chocolate depths and nodded. He really didn't want to get into another argument with her and he really shouldn't pry. She smiled in appreciation that he wasn't pushing the topic and wrapped her arms around him. Tension filled his body before he loosened his muscles and leaned into the hug. She just needed some support and he was more and willing to be there for her.

But that didn't stop his body from reacting and his breathing to escalate. Before he could embarrass himself Hermione pulled away and her eyes fell on the sleeping baby. They shared a small smile as Teddy curled into a ball and sucked onto his thumb, slurping a little.

'I think it's time for someone to go to bed', he said and picked up Teddy needing to put some distance between him and Hermione.

'Yeah I should get going as well', Hermione said taking a sip of her tea and standing as well, 'thanks for listening Harry, you really are a great friend'. He nodded and offered her a tiny smile and watched as she kissed Teddy affectionately on the forehead before bracing herself on his shoulders and kissing him lightly on the cheek. Before he could retaliate in any way she was out the door.

'Guess it's just you and me bud', he whispered again as he climbed the stairs knowing he was not going to sleep at that night and it wouldn't be just because of the baby in his arms.

**A/N: I know those of you who have read Turmoil's Within will think this is similar to Hermione's problem in that fic but I promise you that is not the case. And Ron and Hermione will not break up because of there situation; just wanted to make that clear. As always reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Two or is it three update in a week, yay me lol. **

**Chapter 5**

It had been a few weeks since Hermione had drop by his place. Ron had somewhat filled him in; they hadn't really talked about the situation with him and Hermione but Ron really wasn't saying much and he didn't push his mate on it. Harry really didn't see any change in their relationship; looks like Ron had really grown up but he also had a feeling that Hermione didn't tell Ron she had dropped by and told Harry the entire story.

'Potter we have a lead on dark magic brewing', the new head of the Auror department; Vincent Creswell said as he walked into Harry's office. He was a balding medium built man in his late fifties.

'Sir', Harry instantly said and stood up. This was the dark magic that has been causing a stir all over the region. Harry had exhausted every measure but he had nothing on the person behind it thus this information was like gold, 'where was the recent report?'

'A little village west of Hogsmeade', his boss replied authoritatively, 'witness said he causing a little more fright that usual, wrap it up. Take Weasley if you want but he shouldn't be too dangerous. This lunatic has been given too much reign'.

'Yes sir', Harry complied and motioned for Ron to get his things. He didn't really need the help but maybe he and Ron can put this maniac out faster. 'This shouldn't take too long should it', Ron asked nervously, 'because I'm taking Hermione out for our twelfth month anniversary'.

Harry laughed, 'you actually remembered this time', he said but cringed on the inside.

'Well after what happened the last time I forgot I didn't take any chances and made it as a reminder', He said as they appeared in Hogsmeade and began walking. The town was unusually silent and Harry thought that maybe they had misjudged the situation after all.

He and Ron exchanged cautioned looks and pulled out their wands simultaneously as they stepped in the enclose ground. Harry's eyes roamed the area taking in the stone pillars. The air was damp and grey; it looks like rain was on the way. The tiny hair on his neck stood up as they circled the perimeter.

'Got my back mate?' he asked Ron quietly.

'Always Harry '. He said seriously.

A crunching footstep sounded behind Harry but before he could react a disarming spell knocked him off his feet and he crashed into one of the pillars. He got up shakily and saw Ron fall to the ground as well. He scanned the area looking fro an indication where the spell cam from.

'Come out and face us you coward', he yelled after he helped Ron up.

'Bloody hell', he muttered rubbing his head, 'he's got a good aim'.

Harry and Ron continued looking around and then at the opposite corner of a man dressed raggedly stepped put from behind a female statue pointing at the sky. Harry couldn't see his face clearly but his gut told him he knew this person.

He squinted and raised his wand along with Ron. Goosebumps covered his skin and the as the man stepped closer and closer he got the more Harry remember him. It was Rodolphus Lestrange, oh bloody hell talk about blast form the past.

'Its Bellatrix husband', he whispered to Ron.

'Guess he's out for revenge', Ron said sarcastically.

'Well well well if it isn't the hero's of the war?' Rodolphus said in mock amusement, 'or should I say murderers?' He was smiling dangerously at them twirling his wand in manner that reminded Harry of Voldermort.

'What do you want Lestrange?' Harry asked tightly his wand never wavering from his sunken face. Time hadn't been kind to him at all.

'That's a loaded question Potter', he said stopping a feet away from them, 'but I will settle for retribution. The two of you dead and then I will finish off the mudblood'.

A muscle twitched in Harry's jaw at the thought of that bastard anywhere Hermione and without thinking he and Ron yelled together, '_Stupefy!_' sending him flying across the grassy field.

'You won't get the chance to go anywhere near her', Ron said angrily, his face flaming red.

'Really', was all he said before he struggled to his feet, 'I was tempted to take her out first just so you could feel what its like to loose the person you love', he rambled on and Harry and Ron exchanged looks. Harry knew what it was like to loose the person you love but just not physically.

'She may have not love me but I loved her', he said referring to his late wife 'I couldn't stop her for wanting the Dark Lord. I was rooting for you to kill him just so I could have my wife back but you just had to kill her'.

'I didn't kill you wife Rodolphus, neither of us did', Harry said hoping he would just buy it. It was the truth because it was Mrs. Weasley but he wasn't about to divulge that fact.

"Potter you may have not said the spell but you did point the wand and now you will pay', he raised his wand as Harry and Ron prepared to disarm him but Harry was thinking in Hermione's safety as he sure was Ron and they weren't fast enough.

'_Sectumsempra!' _Harry ducked behind the nearest pillar breathing heavily. He looked around for Ron and didn't see him anywhere. Why the hell did he use that spell; that was Snape's specialty. Rodolphus shouted something else making the air dusty as one by one the pillars fell.

'Ron!' He yelled again trying to see through the haze. His heart hitched he barely made out Ron's twitching figure on the floor. Without thinking Harry jumped out of his hiding place and he raced over to Ron. There was blood everywhere.

'Ron!' he yelled as he yelled healing spelled over and over again. Draco had survived when he was hit. Ron could as well. 'Come on Ron-'

Harry totally forgot about Lestrange and was caught off guard as his body rocked with spasm of the crucio, 'you are going to die Potter and then I'm going after your little mudblood'.

Anger raged through his veins and he go up unsteadily, 'you will never touch her. 'Reducto!' he shouted and watched him fall to the ground.

Harry didn't waste any time rushed over to Ron who was barely breathing. The effects of the torture spell making his body ache painfully. 'Ron', his voice hoarse, 'Ron can you hear me. Hold on mate, you are going to be OK. You have to hang on. Think about Hermione OK, thing about Hermione and the family you are going to have with her in the future'.

Harry was sweating and dirty as he tried to lift Ron. His movements were stopped as Ron held on to his arm almost painfully, 'Harry', his voice barely audibly and filled with pain.

'Don't you dare Ron', Harry shouted, they didn't have enough time. As he walked through the village to get a broom, apparating now would be a good idea. His spells didn't work well, 'don't you dare give up! You hear me. She needs you!'

'Tell her I love her Harry', he was loosing so much blood, 'and take care of her for me. I know you will'.

Harry ignored him as he reached the new broom in the window of the shop, 'you will tell her yourself Ron'. The people shopping the store gasped in shock at him, 'I need the fastest broom you have right now!' he cried in desperation.

'Harry promise me', He tried to clear his blurred vision as he sat Ron gently in the floor, 'promise me you will take care of her'.

He wasn't going to make it Harry knew that from the sagging of his body and the way he could barely keep his eyes hold on Harry's sleeve tightened briefly and Harry had no choice but to nod as to appease him, 'I promise I will take care of Hermione'. Ron nodded and his eyes drooped as his hands fell to the ground lifelessly but not before Harry heard him say, 'sorry for missing dinner'.

The silence in the shop was deafening as the tears he tried to hold back flowed freely. Flashes of their friendship through out the years played in his mind. The first time they met, his first time vacationing at the Burrow, their fights; all the good time and the bad they had shared. It was his entire fault, if he had just done it by himself, Ron would be alive. He didn't know how long he knelt before Ron body but he jerked up when the man he assumed was the owner laid a comforting hand in his shoulder.

'It's going to be ok son', he said soothingly, 'he has gone to a better place. Do you still need the broom?'

Harry shook his head and stood, cradling Ron large body the best he could and apparated to St. Mungo's Hospital. He was too late but Harry didn't know what else to do. The dread made his body feel like lead and he ignored the whispers and gasped as he walked down the hallway. How was he going to tell the Weasley's? How was he going to face them and Hermione knowing he took another from their life?

Harry placed Ron's unmoving body on the bed. The white sheets in sharp contrast to the crimson color tainting the bedding and murmured he will be back with the family if they could do what they can to clean him up. He healer nodded and Harry apparated to the Burrow bracing himself for their emotions. Harry didn't know how he got to Ron and Hermione's flat. After the breakdown of emotions at the Burrow he had to get out of there. The guilt he felt when he looked into their faces knocked all the air out of his lungs making his breathless. He didn't stick around, knowing that they had each other but the alternative of telling Hermione caused him greater pain.

She was going to hate him. He took Ron away from her. He was the one who was going to cause her pain at he lost of her husband. Harry knew he would never be able to look her in the eyes again knowing he was the one that brought the emptiness there. Harry wiped his over his smudged robes; he had cleaned up as much as possible but there were still smudges of blood and dirt on his robes and face.

He took a deep breath and inhaled deeply looking for the courage somewhere deep down and knocked. He heard her shuffling on the other end before she opened the door smiling brightly. She looked beautiful in her light blue dress with her hair in a bun exposing the expanse of her neck. Her subtle scent teased his nostrils as he stepped past her when she moved aside.

He couldn't look her in the eyes and he nearly jumped out of his skin when her tanned slim fingers wrapped around his arm. God she was going to hate him, 'Harry what is it? Is this blood?' he could hear the unease in her voice and could only nod.

'Hermione I'm so sorry', his voiced cracked with emotion, 'it wasn't suppose to be any trouble. We didn't anticipate anything and I failed to my job. I tired', he cried grasping both of her elbows and still didn't meet her eyes. He knew they were brimming with tears and he knew she knew what he was about to say'.

'Ron, he's gone Mione', he managed in a ragged whisper and felt her stiffen, 'I'm sorry I tried to save him-'

'You're lying', she shrieked pulling away from him. He could feel her denial deep within his bone, 'you are lying Harry. He is not dead do you hear me', with each word she pounded her fist onto his chest. He let her, feeling her tears wetting his robes, 'he is not dead, not Ron Harry', she whispered over and over again before she pulled out of his arms and headed for the door'.

'Hermione!' he called after her as he followed but it was too late she was already gone and he knew she was going to the hospital to see for herself. The white walls of St. Mungo's greeted him for a second time that night as Harry made his down it. The Weasleys were already there and Ginny was hugging Hermione. He paused and felt like he was intruding on a private moment but then Hermione caught his eyes briefly; her were swollen and puffy and she ran toward him.

He held her in his arms as sobs rocked her body burying his face in her curls. She felt so small and delicate in his arms and he knew it was only going to get worst. He caught Ginny's red eyes over her head and she motioned to the door silently telling him to get her out of here. He nodded and hugged her tighter and whispered in her ear.

'Let me take you home Mione', she sniffed and nodded.

'I don't want to go back to our flat', she murmured quietly and he understood.

'I'll take you back to Grimmaul Place then ok', she nodded and he moved out the door after glancing over to the grieving Weasley's. Pain always seemed to touch those he knew and he had hope that it would end after the war but as usual he wasn't that lucky.

Ron funeral was held two day later. It was held pretty late in the afternoon. Mostly everybody from Hogwarts they knew attended to pay their respects. All of them had good things to say. They Weasley's hadn't fully come to term with the loss of yet another family member but they were more subdued. All Mrs. Weasley's could say was, 'my little boy' or 'oh Ronnie'. They were all proud of him and so was Harry but he couldn't stand there and not be affected.

Hermione hadn't really said much to him since he took her home two nights ago. As time went on she became less talkative and kept to herself. That was what bothered him the most. She wasn't talking to him about what happened or to the Weasleys. Then again he wasn't saying much to her other, he didn't know how to talk to her without apologizing over and over again. It was going to take a long time before that wound was going to heal. He stood at the far corner until it was just him, Hermione and Ginny left.

Ginny came over to him clutching a handkerchief and they shared a small sad smile and hugged, 'it's not your fault Harry. Ron wouldn't want you blaming yourself for it', he nodded and watched her join her family before leaving the cemetery. She never rejected his touch but she never initiated it as well and sometimes he was left at a lost of what to do. He stood a few feet away and watched as sobs rocked her body. _Promise me Harry._

He still hadn't moved from his position as Hermione stayed rooted by the headstone.

Harry breathed in deeply as if drawing courage to finally face her in this time of need. Before he knew it he was standing inches away from her and she was crying silently. He stood helpless watching his best friend cried for the a lost part of the trio, he stood helpless watching the woman he loved cried for lost of the man she loved.

Harry swallowed a lump of his emotion before he slid his arms around her waist letting her lean fully on him as she finally broke down. Her grasp on his forearm tightened and her nails dug into his skin, but he didn't care. He deserved it.

He didn't know how long they stood there in each others embrace with his forehead pressed in to the softness of her hair. The light rain had gradually turned into a steady downpour and they were becoming drenched. Hermione finally shifted in his arms silently asking for release and turned around with arms stilled locked around her.

Her eyes were red and puffy as they clashed with his.

'Come on Mione', he whispered pulling her away from the fresh grave, 'let's go home'.

It took a few moments to get to Grimmaul and Harry immediately rushed her in the bathroom. The faster he got her out of her wet clothes the better. She was shivering slightly and she had lost some weight from the lack ok eating. She made no objection as he gently removed her black shirt and her matching skirt leaving her in her bra and knickers. Even thought this wasn't the time or place Harry couldn't prevent his eyes from travelling the length of her tones body.

He cleared his throat and sat her on the toilet seat while he drew a warm bathe for her, 'this might help you warm up', his voice a shade deeper than he would have liked to address the situation but seeing her nearly naked was more that he could deal with. Hermione nodded and reached for his arms for support to step into the tub.

This brought her a few inches away from his body and Harry had to work to control his breathing. To think of all the times he imagined this, the current situation never played a part in the fantasy. He grasped her hands to help her in but looked at her when she made no motion to move.

'Thank you Harry', she murmured so softly he could barely hear, 'I know this isn't easy for you but I appreciate everything you have done'.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at her, truly looked at her for the first time in days, 'anytime Hermione you know I would do anything for you'.

'Will you help me forget Harry', she asked and wrapped her hands around his waist, 'will you help me forget this nightmare. All I can so is think about him and him not being here'.

He knew what she was asking but Harry knew she wasn't thinking straight. It was all in her need to feel normal. To act as if nothing had happened and that Ron was still here. But if that was the case then Harry wouldn't have been here and they wouldn't have been wrapped in each other arms, 'you don't know what you are saying Hermione. You don't want this to happen'.

The light left her eyes completely and Harry tried to tell himself that he made the right decision. It didn't matter how much he wanted her, it was wrong on some many levels. His heart ached as the air of desolation surrounded her again but he ignored it. She would hate him if they went through with that.

'That bedroom adjoined to this is yours', he said after clearing his throat and she nodded, 'my bedroom is right opposite yours if you need me'. Once again she nodded and he left her to take her bath with a heavy heart. His heart was beating a mile a minute as he stripped and took a shower. He tried so hard to not picture her lying in her bath naked and willing to be his even if it was just for one night. _Merlin Harry Ron had only been dead for two days and it was your fault! _That squashed any thought of desiring her out of his mind.

It was wee hours in the morning when he felt a warm body slid next to his. He wrapped his arms around her and in his dreams Hermione scattered kisses along his collar bone and along his jaw. Harry sighed in surrender and pulled her warm pliant body closer to his relishing the feel as she melted in to his lean form. He ran his hand over her shoulder and down to her thigh nettles between his haired roughened ones. Her scent bombarded his mind; he had this dream so many times and tonight wasn't an exception after what happened in the bathroom.

'Please Harry', her husky plead reached his hear, 'please make me feel alive again'.

His brows furrow but then the feel of her palms roaming over his chest was the only this that registered. He groaned as her lips touched his and nearly exploded with need as she shifted and brushed against his arousal that was becoming stronger by the minute. She pressed her lips harder on his and he felt her tongue sneaked into his mouth.

Merlin she tasted so good. Harry gave up trying figure out if this was a dream or not and surrender to the passion and need building inside him. He returned her kissed and tangled his hands in her hair pulling her harder onto him as he flipped them over positioning his hard shaft at her wet core.

She moaned deeply as he entered her slowly giving her time to adjust to his length and size before he was deep within her, to the hilt. Their sounds of pleasure filled the air and they found their rhythm and it wasn't before long the sensation building at the pit of his stomach burst through his quivering body.

Harry moved sluggishly off her lush body and pulled her into his arms as he felt into a deep satisfying slumber. It was the following morning when he awoke and found a naked Hermione snuggled against him that he knew it hadn't been a dream. He had unknowingly made love to Hermione last night and he was positive she was going to hate herself and him for what happened.

Harry extricated himself carefully from her warm body and pulled on his boxers. He didn't even remember them coming off. It was better this way he thought as he carried her to her bedroom. He magiced her clothes back on and knelt by her as he tucked her in. He felt worst than ever.

He knew she was feeling vulnerable and whether she knew it or not he took advantaged of her. She would think she betrayed Ron and the guilt would eat her alive. Harry kissed her forehead tenderly pouring all the love he felt for her into it.

'I love you Hermione Granger', he said softly, freely because she wasn't going to remember any of it, 'I always have'.

He then picked up his wand and murmured, '_obliviate_', erasing everything up until he had drawn her a bubbled bath. It was all platonic up to then and she wouldn't have to live with the guilt. As wrong as it was he couldn't bring himself to do the same. _Please forgive me_

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**Liked it, Loved it, Hate it, Want to hex me? Let me know. Since school is starting back on Friday, I don't know how the updates will be going but I promise I won't leave you hanging for too long. And I apologize for my lack of expertise when writing an action scene.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 6**

By the time Hermione came downstairs Harry had already taken care of breakfast and was about to fill a tray to carry up for her. He swallowed as she sat down opposite him after greeting good morning in a tank top and some shorts. Flashes of his real dream went through his mind and he forced his eyes away from her legs.

"How are feeling?" he asked and placed a plate with a few pieces of bacon and some eggs with a glass of juice in front of her.

"Better", and she did look a little better. The bags under her eyes had cleared up but her eyes still held a tinged of sadness and something else he couldn't read, "I guess I'll just have to take it a day at a time".

"So are you taking a few days off", he asked casually. He knew she didn't want to but he was hoping to convince her to. Besides a few days off may do her some good.

''No I'm not'', she said and pushed plate away as usual, ''I told you staying home isn't going to help in any way. I need to keep moving and I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do''.

''Hermione we are just looking out for you'', he said trying to be reasonable, ''I know loosing Ron isn't easy''.

''You know nothing of what I feel Harry'', she said starting to get angry.

''Only because you don't talk about it'', he said a little too harshly that he intended, ''you think you are the only one who had lost a best friend. He was mine too incase that slipped your mind. You are not the only one who is hurting here!''

The blood seemed to slowly drain from her face. This was the first time the two of them had actually talked about Ron. Yeah he had comforted her the first night and last night but they had mostly skidded around the subject. In fact last night was the only time she acknowledged how difficult this is for him.

''I know that Harry'', she said forcefully, ''but I was married to him. We were suppose to spent the rest of out lives together and live happily ever after not that you would understand that since you haven't made any attempt to have a life. It makes me wonder why we even sacrificed all we did to fight your bloody war!''

''We don't always get what we want Hermione'', he said now his breakfast forgotten. Her words cut him deeply.

''Yeah I know that Harry'', her cheeks heated from her outburst, ''because Ron would be here now. If he didn't follow you he still would be here now but as always we have to do what Harry Potter wants''.

Harry froze at her words. He always thought she would blame him for what happened to Ron but she never voiced his fears until now. He searched her anger filled eyes for any hint of remorse for what she said even though he knew he deserved her anger but found nothing but anger and pain. If she blamed him he needed to hear her say it.

''Do you blame me for Ron's death'', he was surprised how much his voice was calm and controlled. She broke eye contact but her silence spoke volumes, ''well I guess you have the right to be angry at me''.

''I am truly sorry Hermione'', he said morosely as he stood inches away beside her, ''you will never know how sorry I am that I asked Ron to accompany that day and how much I wished it was me who died instead of him''.

He left her sitting in the kitchen and went to Godric's Hollow. His boss had offered him a rest of the week off and this was where he could release his energy, his anger, his pain and most of all his guilt. He had three days and the weekend to deal with his demons. The time and effort it took to clean this place up was the perfect release. He killed one friend, slept with the said friend wife and erased her memory of it; which he was glad he did now because it would make her hate him more.

And so Harry spent the rest of the week finishing the living room and finally ventured upstairs. His parent's room a taken the longest. He found a lot of broken ornaments, not enough to recreate what they were in his parents' room. The dark magic had obliterated any chances of restoring anything and he couldn't do it manually.

The one good thing he found was a muggle picture of him mom and dad at a park. It was clearly taken before they had gotten married for his mom looked really young like in the memory of Snape's he saw. She was laughing as his dad pushed her on the swing.

His room was next and there really wasn't anything from his childhood left except a rocking chair by the window. He could clearly picture his mom sitting there reading to him or just holding him as they watched the stars. She was right; you don't always get what you want. If he did his parent, Sirius, Dumbledore, Remus and Tonks, Ron and everybody else would alive. Harry wiped the lone tear that escaped his eyes. He did feel truly alone. The sun was beginning to set so there was enough time.

_You will never loose me Harry. _All the time he was here he tried to block Hermione out but he never really could. He wondered what she was doing now, if she was worried about him. Of course she will be it's all she ever does. With a sweeping look of the finished rooms, all it needed now was furniture and to be repainted Harry left the house to go see his parents.

He made a ritual to come see them once a week and just talk to them Harry found it helped to getting things off his chest. He hadn't the courage to go talk to Ron yet and he wasn't sure he will ever be ready to do that. Getting some lilies from the old vendor by the street corner Harry entered the cemetery and laid then by his parent's grave.

''Hey Mom, Dad'', he said and sat down, ''I guess Ron is with you guy now…''

That night Harry after talked to his parent he strolled through village enjoying the silence and the lack of rush. Things were done on you r basis, there was no rush and the tranquility was something he welcomed. It also brought a lot of time for thinking and that was something Harry didn't want. He had woken up with nightmares about the war and Ron two of three nights he had slept on that old couch and it wasn't easy getting back to sleep. Hiding was over though. He couldn't leave Hermione alone for too long no matter how angry she was at him and reality still waited for him beyond Godric's Hollow.

------

He let himself into Grimmaul Place early Saturday morning, the sun had barely risen and the morning dew hung in the atmosphere creating a fog. It was going to a scorcher today. The stillness of the house was no surprise to him but he knew something was wrong. It was too quiet. He made a round check of the living room and the kitchen then ventured up to the room Hermione was staying.

It was empty and she wasn't there. All her stuff was gone and the bed looked too neat for someone who should be sleeping in it. It seemed she had been gone a while. Harry took a deep breath and sat down. There was nothing he could do if she didn't want to stay with him but he knew she wouldn't go back to the flat she shared with Ron and that only left the Burrow.

His breathing faltered as he thought of going over there and seeing Weasley's especially Molly, he hadn't seen her since it happened. If he wanted to know how Hermione was this was his only chance. He just had to suck it up besides he owed it to her to at least say he was sorry. He was stood knocking by their kitchen door in a heartbeat and a red eye Molly greeted him. She smiled through her tears and pulled him into one of her famous hugs.

''Harry dear it so good to see you'', she said and ushered him into he kitchen, ''I was wondering when you were going to stop by''.

He swallowed his guilt, ''I know I haven't been around since it happened and I'm sorry''.

''Don't worry about it dear we all deal with our grief in different ways'', she replied wiping her tears away.

''I'm sorry Molly'', he said and looked at the ground guilt filling his eyes, ''if Ron hadn't been with me he would still be alive. It's my entire fault that he's gone''.

''Oh Harry'', she cried, ''is that why you have been keeping away. You think we blame you'', he still did look at her and he rested a comforting hand on his shoulder and palmed his cheek, ''Harry we don't. It was his time to go and I know Ron wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. Yes we miss him but we never blamed you and you shouldn't''.

He nodded and accepted her reassuring embrace feeling a bit better, ''he was happy with Hermione and they had a good life however brief it was''. At the mentioned of Hermione's name he pulled out of her arms.

''Where is Hermione'', he tried to hide his emotions as he remembered their fight, ''she isn't at my place''.

''She came over here a few days ago'', Molly said and she smiled for the first time in a long time, ''as a matter of fact Ginny is with her at St. Mungo's''.

''St. Mungo's'', he said and instantly jumped up, ''is she ok?''

''Yeah she's fine. Hermione fainted yesterday and we took her in but it wasn't anything too serious''. _She fainted!' _'Harry Hermione is pregnant. She is carrying Ron's baby. I will still have a part of my little boy''.

Harry stumbled and sat back down, ''Hermione is pregnant'', he muttered quietly.

''Yeah, now we have some light in this darkness'', she rambled on but Harry registered none of it.

Hermione was pregnant. The words kept replaying in his head, with Ron's baby. His mind raced and his heart ached at the thought. She finally got what she wanted, to be a mother to Ron's baby. It may finally begin to heal the wound in her heart and everybody else.

''Is she still there?'' he managed as he stood.

''Yeah, they wanted to make sure she was ok before they released her'', the excitement of having a grandchild wasn't lost in her voice, ''she should be coming home today''.

''Ok, I'm going to get going'', he said and declined her offer for breakfast. He couldn't believe Hermione was pregnant. Merlin she was going to have a baby. She was going to have Ron's baby and that hurt.

As Harry made his way into the hospital he collided with Ginny coming from opposite direction,

''Hey Gin how is she?''

''How is she'', Ginny exclaimed angrily, ''where the hell have you been all week. She wasn't feeling well and I tried to get you then she said you just left and didn't come back''.

''We had a fight'', he said quietly finally meeting her eyes and grimaced. She looked mad enough for her Bat Boogey hex, ''I just had to get away Gin''.

''Harry I know this isn't easy for you nor is it for any of us'', her voice noticeably calmer and laced with understanding, ''but you just can't take off like that. She was really freaking out mumbling she didn't mean it'', he nodded understanding what she meant by that, ''she sleeping now but she's ok''.

''Yeah I know I went to see you mom'', she nodded and smiled. Ginny knew how hard it was for him to that.

''Did she tell you?''

''Yeah'', was all he could muster and the said their goodbyes. He agreed to bring Hermione over by the Burrow as soon as she was released. Now that she was pregnant the chances of her going home with him were very slim. Molly would want her to stay with them so she could keep and eye on Hermione. Since Hermione parents couldn't be there for all of it, Molly would fill in.

Harry leaned on the frame of the door leading to Hermione's room, his eyes drank in every detail from her small fragile body under the starched sheets to he relaxed featured. With her hair spread out of the white pillow and her lashed almost brushing her pale cheeks a little too pale for him, she still managed to take his breath away. Her hands were wrapped securely around her centre as if protecting the miracle growing inside.

And it was indeed a miracle. He tried telling himself that for the last half another he stood just observing her. The way her hands tightened around her, the rise and fall of her chest. The way her pink lips parted in her sleep. He wanted so much to cross the room and covered them with his with a need that rocked him deep. His protective nature came out head first since he first saw her lying so still in that narrow bed.

But before they could move forward Harry had to his emotions under control. He needed to heal before he could start helping her. Maybe it was a good thing she would be staying at the Burrow. She would be surrounded by people who love her and cared deeply for her. The truth was he didn't trust himself to not share how he felt about her. There was no Ron now but that didn't mean Hermione would reciprocate his feelings. She was still very much in love with Ron.

_But you slept with her. _He did but she didn't remember that and she really didn't want him. All he was a warm body providing comfort just like Sarah was to him and Hermione wasn't thinking straight at the time. The silky feel of her skin and the softness of her lips tortured him every time he closed his eyes and it was becoming very painful.

He straighten and moved off the door as her eyes flickered opened and leveled to his. She looked delectable as she rubbed the drowsiness from her eyes. His body became alert and her tongue slipped out and wetted her dry lips. Harry swallowed with difficulty and offered her a smile as he sat beside her. She returned her smile and sat up in the bed with his help.

''Thanks'', she said her voice husky form sleep.

''How are you feeling?'' he asked taking her hands in his marveling how soft and much smaller they were than his, ''I heard you had quite a time. Sorry I left''.

He smoothed her hair and tucked a wild strand behind her ear, ''I didn't mean to leave you like that but I thought it would do us some good''.

''I'm sorry too Harry'', her eyes welled up with tears and he gently swiped them away as they fell, ''I was just angry at the world for taking him away from me, now more than ever''.

She took their joined hands and placed it on her flat stomach. He watched their entwined fingers wishing so much that this was their moment, one they shared alone and not with the memory of Ron. Guilt shot through him before he could finish the thought. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and his breath caught at the tenderness and love shining from her face.

Harry raised their linked hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly, ''I know Mione and I couldn't be happier for you. This was what you wanted and I'm glad you're getting a chance at it''.

She smiled through her tears and kissed his forehead directly over his scar. She was the only one who had ever touched his scar with such affection and that just made him love her even more, ''thank you Harry''.

He didn't have time to response before someone cleared their throat almost apologetically, ''sorry to interrupt''. Harry turned to see the Healer going over Hermione's chart.

''How are you doing Ms. Granger'', he asked after greeting Harry, ''any pain or nausea''.

''No not yet anyways'', she replied calmly, ''I feel a lot better actually''.

''Your vitals are strong'', he said warmly, ''and in order to keep thins that way I need you to try not over do things. A lot of rest and healthy food will have you feeling even better in no time and your baby as well'.'

''You have my word'', she said and placed their connected hands once again on her tummy. Her skin was warm under his touch and he slowly ran his hands over it.

''I will make sure she doesn't over do it doc'', Harry intervene and the healer nodded.

''So am I free to go home?'' she as anxiously. Harry knew she didn't like coming here after what happened to Ron.

''Yes you are but I would like to see you again in two weeks time for a checkup, just for precaution''.

''Thank you'', Harry said tensely. He didn't like how the young man was looking at Hermione. He wasn't that much older than either of them and Harry was sure he knew just who Hermione was, ''see you in two weeks''.

Harry helped her dressed and the moment they entered the Burrow Molly was already fusing over. He sent her a consoling smile behind Mrs. Weasley's back which she rolled her eyes to. The news of the baby had somehow lifted the dark cloud surrounding all of them. He was happy to see her smiling again even if she wasn't back to her full self, it was progress. But he also knew she would miss Ron more with the baby coming. He should have been here for all of this.

Harry lagged behind as Molly settled her in the Den saying she as going to make some soup. Harry smiled ruefully to himself, if one thing was for sure was that Hermione would be eating again. Molly would make sure of that.

''Would you like something too Harry'', she asked knowing he hadn't eaten earlier and he was beginning to get hungry.

''Yeah that would be great'', he said and then sat next to Hermione on the couch. Her eyes were fixed on one of their wedding picture above the fireplace.

''I know Ron would have loved to be here Hermione'', he said quietly, ''and I know he is looking over at you now, protection you''.

''I know Harry but-''

He took her hand and turned her towards him, ''but?''

''I'm so angry at him for leaving me alone to do this',' she said. They were finally getting somewhere as to where her anger was coming from.

''Hey'', he cradled her cheeks, ''you are not alone Hermione. You have the Weasleys and they are not going to let you go through this alone and you have your parents. Above everything else you have me', he use her owns words, 'and I wouldn't leave you for anything''.

Her eyes wavered from his words as he spoke gently to her. He knew she was scared but he needed her to remember she wasn't alone, ''whenever you are ready to talk we'll all be here for''.

''I know Harry'', she sniffed as he hugged her to him, ''it's just hard. That's why I came here. If I can stay here without weeping at something of Ron's then I know I will be ok, it would get easier''. Harry hoped she was right.

**You know the drill; let me know what you think.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 7**

It had been two weeks since they news about Hermione's pregnancy came about. Harry was spending as much time as possible with her without making her feel too suffocated. It was either at the Burrow or sometimes she came over to Grimmaul. Once in a while she went back to the Flat she shared had with Ron. She was starting to return to her former self but Harry knew the old Hermione was still in there somewhere and with time she will come out.

Harry groaned and shifted feeling a warm weight on his body. His left hand was beginning to get numb from the said pressure. His eyes flickered opened greeting a familiar head of curly brown hair. It was then he remembered that he and Hermione had fallen asleep after they came back from the hospital that morning after her checkup.

Not wanting to wake her yet Harry settled for lying there content with just holding her for the time being. Her head was nettled between his chest bones and her arms wrapped themselves loosely around his waist. Her lavender scent infiltrated his nostrils as he took a deep breath. His thumb began drawing tiny circles on her hips but he stopped when he heard a sigh escaped her lips.

Harry was instantly transported back to the night only he remembered and he moaned deep within his throat. Now was certainly not the time to be thinking about that, given that the object of his torment was lying practically on him and that any of the Weasleys could walk in. Harry could hear muffled voices coming from the kitchen before Mrs. Weasley appeared through the swing door.

Her eyes flickered and paused momentarily on their entwined bodies before she smiled at him. She motioned to Hermione before pointing to the kitchen signally that if he was still hungry that there was a snack for him. He nodded and looked away guiltily before carefully extricating himself from Hermione as to not wake her. She deserved all the rest she could get.

Harry pressed a kiss to her Hermione's before following Molly into the kitchen. He wasn't really hungry but he thought it would have been rude to just leave. And he felt as if he needed to explain his prior predicament with Hermione.

''We fell asleep after talking'', he said as he adjusted his clothes trying to smooth away the wrinkles, ''I didn't really want to just leave her''.

''It's ok Harry dear'', Molly replied with an unsure look in her eyes but Harry still felt guilty. It didn't feel right to him, ''I know how you feel about her''.

Harry blinked at her for a moment before taking a chance, ''I don't understand what you mean Molly''. _Was it that obvious?_

''It's ok Harry'', she said smiling sadly at him, ''Ron is gone, It's going to take a while before that sinks in but I am beginning to accept that and so is Hermione and I couldn't think of anyone more suitable to fill his role than you''.

''Molly, I am not trying to replace Ron'', Harry filled him hastily, ''not as your son and not his role in Hermione's life. I need you to understand that''.

''I know that Harry and I know you feel guilty about loving her'', he broke eye contact. This was why she had always looked like she wanted to say something to him, ''but we can't help who we fall in love with. The heart chooses its mate and all we can do is accept that and try to obey it. I know if Ron was alive you would have still kept your feelings buried but Hermione's needs someone. We can only be there for her to a point and she is like a daughter to me as you are my son Harry''.

''Molly'', Harry began hoarsely. He really didn't know what to say. It seemed everyone but Hermione knew how he felt about her.

''I know she loved Ron'', Molly continued tearfully, ''but in time she will grow to love you if you show her that you care. I don't want her to live in the past. So much has happened and I know that you will always be there for her''.

Harry reached forward and embraced her. Her tears flowed freely now and she hugged him back before pulling away and wiping her cheeks, ''thank you Molly''. She gave him a watery smile which he returned. He still wasn't sure how to accept her words but he decided he would think about that later. Harry took the sandwich she offered and they talked until he was full. Guess he was hungry after all. Hearing her say those things helped with his guilt but it was still there. Harry didn't think it will ever really be gone.

It wasn't long after when a sleepy Hermione patted into the room wiping her mouth. From the sour look on her face Harry knew she had a dose of morning sickness. He smiled sympathetically at her and she scowled before taking the vacant stool beside him. She then proceeded to rest her head on her folded hands on the kitchen counter.

''Are you alright dear'', Molly beat him to the question and Hermione just nodded and closed her eyes briefly before she sat up and took the remaining sandwich from his plate. Harry and Molly shared a smile as she set forth preparing one for Hermione.

'Are you sure you're ok?' he asked and rubbed her lower back gently. She arced into his touch and her moan shot through Harry like an arrow heading south. He swallowed nervously but didn't stop his administrations.

''Merlin that feels heavenly Harry'', she replied closing her eyes and leaning further into his touch. The sounds she was making was starting to make his jeans become a little too tight, ''can you give me a back rub later?''

''Yeah sure'', he barely managed and pulled his hand away as Molly sat her plate filled with a sandwich and the soup she warmed up from earlier.

''Well I'll leave you kids to it then'', Molly said as she passed through the swing door, ''got some house chores to take care of. Harry feel free to stay for dinner tonight. Oh Harry can you help with watering the plants in the garden''.

''Not a problem'', he said. He didn't mind helping around the Burrow, this was like his second home.

''Finally making yourself useful eh?'' Hermione said smiling coyly at him. He was happy to see her a little more relaxed, ''I would put you to work too if I was Mrs. Weasley''.

''Think you're being funny?'' Harry said trying to be serious but lost it as Hermione actually thought he was, ''come on you little minx, keep me company while I water the plants. You might as well make use of your time now because the bigger you get the less Molly will want you walking around''.

He laughed at her bothered expression at his words as he ushered out the door, ''oh my god Harry, you are right. She isn't going to want to me to do anything''.

''Oh don't be so dramatic Mione'', Harry said and led her to the bench in the garden and magiced the hose to begin his job, ''I'll come to your rescue. But everyone knows you can be a workaholic at times and I do agree with her, you should start taking it easy from now''.

''I'm not going to stop working just because I'm pregnant Harry'', she said coolly, ''just because I'm having a baby doesn't make me an invalid''.

''I never said that Hermione'', he responded quickly not wanting to get into another argument, ''all I'm saying is take it easy. Do you think Ron would want you stressing yourself out if he was here?''

''Well he isn't here is he so I can do what the hell I bloody want to'', she said glaring at him, ''and I am not going to stop working''.

''Sorry'', he apologized coming to sit beside her, ''I didn't mean it like that. We all just want you to take it easy you know''. He took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers. He found himself touching her at any opportune moment.

''I will Harry'', she said quietly, ''but you have to trust me to know my limits''.

''I do Mione'', he smiled at her waiting fro her to believe him, ''now do you forgive me?''

Her laughter warmed his heart and he continued to smile at her, that was until she reached up and smoothed his way ward hair, ''of course I forgive you prat''. She continued to try and flatten his hair and his smile froze.

If she knew what was good for all of them, she would stop touching him. But as usual Hermione remained oblivious to his predicament. He continued to stare at her silently as the wind blew strands of her hair at him. Her clean subtle scent teased his nostrils as he breathed in. She as so close, he could count the freckles scattered across her face, Merlin she was amazing.

''What is it?'' she asked and he blushed realizing he was caught but didn't look away, ''you got this look in your eyes''.

''You're so beautiful Mione'', he said huskily and he saw her eyes widened briefly, ''you always were and it amazes me that you don't think you are''.

She continued to stare at him silently and he wondered what she was thinking. Molly was right; Hermione needed someone there for her and he was more than willing to be that guy. Her hand had stilled their movement on his hair but she didn't remove it. The air around them suddenly became thick and Harry leaned in a fraction, never breaking eye contact with her.

She didn't move away and he moved slowly, giving her time to pull away. To stop him but she didn't and his blood pounded furiously in his ears. He lips were mere inches away from his, he could practically taste her and he nearly did before a few droplets of water shattered the moment.

Hermione jerked away as if suddenly releasing what was about to happen and stood up. She looked past him and he followed her eyes to see the enchanted hose coming upon them. He then realized that there were flowers all around them. He tried to control his breathing and moved away from Hermione before he tried to kiss her again.

Harry could feel her confused emotions all the way over where he was and he could also feel her pulling away, shutting herself off emotionally as well. He didn't want her to do that or be awkward around him. She was finally opening up and it was be a waste to have her revert back to her quiet self.

He grasp the base of the hose, letting the water flow to the side of him and yelled for her as she was about to bolt, ''hey Hermione how about you say we have some fun?''

Harry pulled the hose forward and pointed it straight at her. Her eyes widened in horror at what she was about to do and she waved her hands frantically in front of her.

''Don't you dare Potter'', she warned and he ignored her and kept advancing on her, ''Harry I'm warning you don't you dare carry through with your devious plan''. Harry of course paid her no heed and aimed the hose at her.

He laughed as she shrieked and the water hit her skin, soaking her to the bones. He ran after her as she tired to escape barricading her with his body and the water. She was yelling continuously at him but he ignored her and carried on with his antics. It took him a while to realist she was coughing unnaturally.

Harry lowered the hose and saw Hermione doubled over coughing more. _Now you have don't it Potter! You were suppose to cheer her up not kill her! _He dropped the hose and rushed over to her.

''I'm sorry Hermione'', he said as he helped her up, ''I was just trying to have some fun, I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you ok?''

Harry expected her to be flushed or crying when he helped her up to standing straight but to his surprise and bewilderment Hermione was laughing. She was laughing so hard her face was red. What in Merlin name was she doing? His relief was short lived when he realized she was fooling around and anger replaced it.

''What kind of joke was that Hermione'', he asked heatedly, ''do you have any idea what I was thinking. I thought you were hurt or baby was in trouble''.

''Oh lightened up Harry, you should have seen your face'', she was still having a laugh.

''Well I'm glad you enjoy your little joke at my expense'', he was still very much angry at her and she seemed unaware of that fact. He gave her one more glare and began walking away but stopped as she captured his wrist.

''I'm fine Harry'', all mirth was lost from her eyes when he looked back at her, ''I didn't mean to make you worry and I'm sorry''.

She was right he needed to loosen up. Harry sighed took a deep breath, ''no I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I started it so it fair you retaliate''.

''Well you had it coming'', she demurely and offered him a smile, one that had his heart from the beginning, ''that should teach you not to mess with me''.

''Yeah yeah, whatever'', he replied knowing there was no way he could win with her, ''but the fun is over and you need to get out of these wet clothes as do I''.

She nodded and they began making there into the house. She had scared him but Harry realized if he kept suffocating her he was going to loose her and that was the last think he wanted. He kissed her goodbye and promised to be over for dinner. Harry knew she couldn't spent all his time with her, even if he wanted to and so he apparated to his place for the remainder of the day and caught up on is paperwork.

-------

There was so much blood. Harry could feel it soaking into his robes where he had wiped his hands. He was trying desperately to get the crimson liquid off his hands, but it didn't matter how much he tried his hands wouldn't come clean. He looked down as Ron drew a ragged breath before he laid perfectly still.

Harry remembered feeling lost and confused. He stood by watching his best friend die and didn't do anything. Then slowly it downed in ums, Ron was gone, he was dead. Dead, the word pounded its way into his brains. And it was his entire fault. That as when the coldness seeped into his bones as he remembered Hermione's stricken expression.

The lifeless body of Ron suddenly moved. Harry stumbled back as Ron got up, his bloody robe sticking to his body. He lips curled into a humorless smile as he survey Harry before his gritty voice filled the air.

_How could you do it Harry? I trusted you; you were like a brother to me. How could you?_

_I asked you to take care of her not make a move on her._

''No'', this had got to be a dream.

_She will never love you. _

''Yes she will'', he watched on as Ron continued to smile mockingly at him.

_She will never love because you are the reason I am gone. You took me away from her and she will never forgive you for that! And when she finds out what you did she will hate you forever._

''I didn't, it was an accident. Please forgive me''.

'_I will never forgive you and neither will Hermione Harry. You're a killer Harry!_

_Harry_

_No, it wasn't my fault_

_Harry_

_Please, it wasn't my fault, I'm so sorry _

''Harry!'' the voice pierce his subconscious and Harry jerked up barely missing Hermione's face with his right hand. His was breathing heavily as they so vivid dream came back to him, ''are you ok. Merlin you are sweating''.

She placed a cool hand over his forehead and Harry sighed closing his eyes. The contact felt great on his warm skin. He needed to get away from her; his guilty conscience was back again. There was way he could escape his fate, ''I'm fine'', he replied and got up making his way to the bathroom. He tugged his shirt over his heated body and turned the tap on to cold.

The water felt marvelous as he splashed his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. Not really seeing his reflection as his thoughts went back to the voice in his dream. He hadn't had a nightmare in a while and tonight's caught him off guard. What made it worst was that it was Ron this time.

His guilt bubbled as the remembered how Ron had died. _It wasn't your fault Harry. _So many people have told him that and for a while he was starting to believe it, 'it wasn't my fault', he whispered to himself, 'it wasn't my fault'. His breathing slowly eased back to normal as he kept repeating the words to himself. Maybe if he said it a few million times, it would begin to sink in.

''Harry are you ok'', Hermione voice came through the door startlingly him. _She will never forgive you, '_'you've been in there a while, Harry?''

''Yeah'', he rasped turning the taps off, ''yeah I'm fine just give me a minute''.

''Ok'', she said and Harry could the uneasiness in her voice and he hated himself for making her worry, ''I'll be in the kitchen''.

After she left Harry stared at his reflection again. The death of Ron was finally sinking in. His guilt over that night of Ron's funeral was finally getting to him as well. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't bring himself to tell her about it. He had taken advantaged of her. She was hurt and vulnerable and he gave into his desires. He should have been the one to know it was wrong even if he was half asleep and Hermione initiated it. Harry knew he needed to tell but he couldn't bear for her to look at his with hate in hers eyes.

Harry patted his face dry and nicked a new shirt from the hamper before going to meet Hermione. He needed her to leave as soon as possible. With his thoughts and his guilt all over the place, he knew he would just end up snapping at her. She was braced against the counter and rushed towards him the moment the entered the room. Her touch immediately set his skin ablaze. _How can you be thinking like that now!_

He grabbed her wrist and pulled them away from him and stepped around her not meeting her eyes, ''I'm fine Hermione. It was just a nightmare, nothing to worry about''.

''Just a nightmare'', she exclaimed softly and made no attempt to touch him again. She knew him so well, ''Harry you were shaking''.

''I said I'm fine Hermione'', he said a little too harshly than he intended and saw her flinched, ''I'm sorry, you know how I get after these things''.

She said nothing and continued to stare at him unflinchingly and it was making him feel worst. He knew that she didn't believe and she knew that he knew that she didn't believe him. Hermione's shoulder's slumped in defeat after he refused to say anything more on the topic.

''Ok Harry, I'm not going to push you on it'', she said and the disappointment he heard in her voice sliced his heart, ''whenever you're ready I'll be here. Mrs. Weasley sent some dinner over since you missed it''.

Harry nodded and didn't protest when she stepped forward and pulled him to a hug. The tension left his body as his body relaxed into hers. _Please forgive me Mione. _Hermione pulled back and framed his face with her palms and kissed his forehead right near his scar. He felt the mark that had always given his grief tingle. Her eyes searched his face and he swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat. _She would hate him so much. _

''I'm here for you Harry'', she whispered strongly, ''whatever it is that's eating you up, whenever you are ready''.

He stayed rooted at the same spot long after she left, wondering if she would really stick by him when he told her how he slept with her and erased her memory of it. How could he be around her knowing that's every moment he was deceiving her. Was it worth loosing her for it? No it wasn't. She was one of the good things in his life and he wouldn't mess it up no matter how much it killed him but then he realized he may not have a choice the baby she was carrying could be his as well.

**A/N As you guys might have guess I decided to continue the fic just as it is. I know some of you may not like that and it's ok but for those of you still reading please review and let me know what you think.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys hope you still out there reading, sorry for the wait and I hope ya enjoy.**

**Chapter 8**

Harry fumed all the way back to his office. It was starting to be a hell of a week and it was only eleven in the morning on a Tuesday. His emotions about his predicament with Hermione were really starting to get to him; the possibility of him being the father of her baby was scaring the hell out of him. His boss had summoned him as soon as he came into work this morning, on the pretense that he was doing this for _his_ benefit. As much as Harry admired the older man, this was certainly wasn't in his best interest.

"_Mr. Potter given what happened to you a few weeks ago, I know this isn't what you want or expected but I do believe that having another partner", his boss cleared his throat, "another subordinate is the best option"._

"_With all do respect sir", Harry remarked holding onto his anger by a thread, "I don't need another on my team. I am capable of working by myself. It is best that way for anyone involved"._

"_Blaming yourself for Weasley's death isn't going to do anybody any good Potter", his boss continued calmly but Harry could see the sympathy in the man's blue eyes, "you are not the first nor will you be the last to loose someone, especially in this career"._

"_I know that sir but I still prefer to work by myself", Harry held his ground as his eyes leveled with the older man._

"_I am sorry you feel that way but it's not up for negotiation", the soft tone was replaced by a firm edge, "I only told you before hand as a form of formality because you are one of my best men out there; she will be here today so I suggest you swallowed your pride and deal with it"._

"_Sir!"_

"_That is an order Potter. It's that or your job", his tone left no room for negotiation"._

He slammed the bundle of stacked paper on the desk not caring that they were spilling over the desk and scattering on the floor. He didn't want someone to act as his partner, that much was certain. After what happened to Ron Harry wasn't ready to take another chance with someone else's life. But he had no choice in the matter as far as Vincent Creswell was concerned.

"I am really glad I am not those stacks of paper", a feminine voice said and Harry found himself looking at a shoulder length dark haired brown eyes girl dressed in similar Auror robes as him. What had his boss said, 'she will be here today'. The young woman's probably his age or a year or two older, smile faltered as he failed to respond to her little joke.

"Sorry", she apologized and extended a hand towards him, "I'm Abigail Walker your new work mate". Harry reached out and grasped her hand in a firm shake.

"I don't mean to sound rude but I am not having the best day", he managed a half smile and she nodded, 'Harry Potter by the way".

"I know that much. I was brief before I came this morning", she voice smiling and Harry relaxed a bit, "anyways I just wanted to get over with the formalities and I need to get back", at his furrowed brows she proceeded to explain, "Mr. Creswell said that my office was a little down from yours, that you value your privacy so we won't be sharing an office like you old partner".

"Right", he mumbled because he didn't know what else to say as he watched her walk away. This was certainly news to him but he was glad nevertheless. Creswell could have at least told him. _Maybe he did when you weren't listening, ever thought about that?_

As Abigail disappeared around the corner Harry closed his door and sank down on his chair. He took his glasses off and rubbed his tired eyes. He could feel a headache coming on and it was going to be a real pain. His thoughts drifted back to over the last week. After his dramatic reaction to his dream Harry had avoided talking about it with Hermione every time she so much as hinted about it. He just couldn't get grasp the idea that he hadn't thought about it earlier; he could have fathered her child but then again Ron could be the father as well.

There was only one way to find out; when the baby was born. How would Hermione explain that she had his baby if she had no recollection of ever sleeping with him? He would have to tell her. That thought made his brows break out into a sweat. Harry didn't even want to imagine her reaction. But how can he act normal around her knowing something she didn't. His thoughts turned to Ron as his gaze landed on the empty, abandoned desk to the far corner of the office.

_She will never love you. She will never forgive you. _He hadn't gone to visit Ron grave since it had happened over three weeks ago and Harry was finding difficulty doing that. He knew it would d be a major step in forgiving himself if he did but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It wasn't like he didn't make many attempts to do so but he just never went through with it. On many occasions Hermione had asked if he wanted to accompany her but he always declined.

There was a light knock on the door before Ginny head poked through, "busy?" she asked and when he nodded she entered. Maybe having a little chat with the youngest Weasley will help him out. He wanted to tell her about his predicament but Harry didn't think Ginny would be taken with what happened.

"Haven't seen you around the Burrow a lot these days", she said conversationally but he knew just what she was getting at, "how have you been?"

"I'm fine", he replied smiling at her, "I've just been busy that's all. You know how things can get around here, you here to see you dad?" he asked moving the topic away from him.

"Yeah", she didn't believe him one bit, "and I thought I would check in on Hermione as well. We're going to grab and early lunch since she is always hungry these days". They shared a laugh. "She misses you, you know?"

"What are you talking about Ginny", he scoffed disbelievingly, "I see her a lot. You know how she gets when we cluster her".

"If that what helps you sleep at night Harry", Ginny said desolately, "She needs you. She made have this strong person façade but you aren't there when she sometimes cries herself to sleep or just sit in the dark talking to her baby".

"Gin-"

"You need to make peace with this guilt over Ron's death, nobody blames; not me, not my parent and especially not Hermione Harry", she continued strongly, "I'm just letting you know that she knows something is up and she may not know it but I know it's more than you being in love with her".

"Who is Harry in love with?" Hermione asked out of no where. It was like she just appeared in the room. Her hair was tied in a bun and she looked better that she did a few weeks ago, there were still bags under her eyes and he eyes were slightly red, Guess Ginny had been telling the truth.

"No one!"

"This girl he met recently!" Harry and Ginny shouted respectively as the same time and Harry glared at her as Hermione narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"I mean I'm not in love with anyone', he covered quickly and forced a smile at her, "we were just playing around".

"Ok if you don't want to tell me that's fine", she said looking away from the two. Harry and Ginny exchanged furious looks, "ready to go Gin? Oh, Harry are you going to be home tonight? I thought we could spend some time together since we haven't really lately".

"Umm sure", he muttered, "yeah that would be fine Mione". She smiled brightly at his response and kissed his cheek as she and Ginny left, "go talk to him Harry, it will help", the smallest red hair Weasley said and Harry knew she was right. It was time to face one of his demons.

-------

The air was moist as Harry walked through the eerie and chilled cemetery. This place was gradually starting to give him the creeps as he moved further and further into the enclosed area. After a few deliberations Harry decided to finally get it over with. Maybe after he left here today his heart wouldn't be so heavy with guilt over Ron's death and the Hermione. The Spring temperature was slowly changing but it was still a little cool.

He approached Ron's head stone and knelt down before it. His fingers traced his best mate name and brushed across the bunch of flowers Harry knew Hermione brought earlier. Everything flooded back to him in flash after flash; the way Ron had lain gasping of breath, his blood spearing his clothes and Harry's as well and his last dying wish. Harry closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Hey Ron", he said quietly, "sorry I haven't been here sooner. There isn't any legitimate excuse but I just couldn't, you know. I feel as if this is my fault, you dying and I know you wouldn't want me to believe that but we both know that just who I am. I'm sorry; I really am that I chose to let you accompany me that day mate. No one would know just how much I wished it was me who had died instead of you".

"You were my first true friend and a brother to me", Harry continued roughly, "and I repaid you by getting you killed. I have avoided coming to talk to you because I messed up Ron. I messed up so bad and I don't think can fix it. I never meant for it to happen; I was willing to bury my feeling for her. I thought that once you guys got married it was be easier, you know but it didn't. She had always been the one for me but I also knew how you felt about her so I tried to block it out''.

''She pregnant Ron", his voice now deepened with remorse, 'she pregnant and she thinks that the baby is yours. What she doesn't know is that it could be mine as well. How am I supposed to tell her that the one last link she had to you may not be real? How am I supposed to look her in the eye and take care of her like I promised you knowing that I am hurting her at the same time? I can't tell her Ron because it will destroy everything between us but I can't keep hiding it as well''.

''They all are so happy that she is carrying child mate and I don't have to courage to take away that happiness'', Harry was now sitting on the cool damp grass, "why put them through all that heartache and they baby turns out to be yours. Why should I cause Hermione to doubt herself when it could be for nothing?"

Harry remained silence as if hoping Ron would suddenly give him the answer but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He was going to have to figure out how to deal with this on his own. The truth was he did feel a little better getting everything off his chest and maybe that was exactly what he needed, "I love her mate. I am so in love with her and she doesn't know it. I have tried to not feel this way about her but now you aren't here and what am I suppose to do? I can't tell her how I feel, it wouldn't feel right because I have to tell her that we slept together and she doesn't remember it".

'She is going to be angry and hurt and probably want to break every bone in my body but I will deserve everything she throws at me', he said, 'I just don't know what to do Ron. Give me some sign, anything to guide me through this. Should I tell her or should I just wait and see how things play out?'

Again there was nothing but silence and Harry sighed. _Well what did you expect? You are talking to a dead person! _He got up and brushed his pants off, he had come and said his peace; he did feel better about getting over Ron's death but his emotions where Hermione was concern were no where under control.

"I am sorry for everything mate', he whispered running his fingers over the top of the stoned grave, 'and I promise I will take care of her no matter what happens in the future'.

Harry slowly made his way out of the graveyard with his hands deep in his coat pockets. His was always going to feel a little guilty for what happened to Ron but Harry knew now that coming here was the right thing, it helped settled his guilt and gave him the ability to work on other situations just as close to home; Hermione. He hadn't decided yet if to tell her anything but he would see what happens. She was coming over tonight and he would try his best to subtle show her how he felt, she didn't pull away when he tried to kiss her and that was a good sign wasn't it?

-------

"I'm selling the Flat", Harry hands stilled with the spooned pudding at her words. They were sitting in his kitchen at Grimmaul eating dinner that Molly sent over. He didn't quite expect her to say that but maybe this was the sign he was looking for.

"Really?" he asked after swallowing a mouthful, "how come I mean I know you have been spending some time over there recently".

"I have", she whispered, "I finally managed to box Ron's stuff up and took it over to the Burrow. I figured that I would bunk there until I find somewhere else to stay".

"Why don't you just move in here Hermione", the words were out before he had a chance to think about them and he realized he meant it. Godric's Hollow was almost finished so she could stay here with him until he convinced her to move there with him, 'there is more than enough room and I wouldn't mind the company in the least".

"I don't know Harry", she began uncertainly, "I wouldn't want to be in the way".

Harry grasped her hands in his across the counter, "Hermione you know you won't be. I know I haven't been around much lately but this way you'll always be right here, you know?"

"I'll think about it and plus I will have to tell Molly", she replied and Harry felt his heart soar. He smiled at her, and for the first time he didn't feel too guilty about their situation. _I'm just doing this to keep and eye on her. _

"Where were you today?" she asked and he pulled his hand away, "I came looking for you after I came back from lunch with Ginny".

"Oh", he scratched the back of his neck nervously, "I finally went to see Ron". Her eyes softened at his words and she smiled knowingly at him.

"It wasn't as hard as you thought it would be huh?" she asked still watching him closely.

"No, it actually as really good', Harry replied clasping his hands and resting them on the counter between them, "I realized that I needed to do that, to just everything out there so I could stop blaming myself".

"Did it help, talking to him?"

"In a way but it just made other things more clear', she nodded after he didn't elaborate, accepting his answer.

'So have you had anymore nightmares?' He had but he wasn't about to tell her it had nothing to do with Ron but with her. Hiding his secret had played the main role in his dreams and they weren't very pleasant.

"Nope, none", he lied.

"You know I hate it when you lie to me Harry", Hermione stated in her no nonsense tone of voice, "and the fact that you feel comfortable talking to Ginny about things only prove that you don't trust me or it had something to do with me'.

'Hermione of course I trust you, how can you even doubt that?' he asked incredulously.

"So then than means it had something to do with me then?" Dame she was good at this.

'No that's not it', he said feebly. He wondered how they can go from being in compatible silence to arguing, 'it just-"

"It's just what Harry", she anger lighting up her eyes, 'a week ago I found you practically drenched in sweat and shaking on your couch then you refused to talk about it. You have been distancing yourself all week and I actually found it surprising that you agreed to tonight not to mention that you asked me to move in with you!"

"Can we just not argue again Hermione", he said running his hands over his eyes under his glasses, "it seems like all we do is argue these days. That why I stayed away, I figured that some space would do you some good", he lied, "not to mention your hormones is reason for your mood swings and I needed to deal with my demons".

"Sorry", she mumbled, "I guess you're right, didn't mean to be such a nag". Harry watched silently as he picked up her purse and pushed away her half eaten dinner, "I'm going to head back to the Burrow".

"Hermione", he whined going after her and caught her in the darkened hallway. Harry put his arms around her waist forcing her to look at him, her eyes were misted with tears, "I didn't mean it like that and you know it".

They were in a confine space but Harry didn't mind, "I'll make you a deal ok from now on we won't argue".

"Patronizing me won't help Harry", she whispered softly, "remember our fight we had when we were horcrux hunting", he nodded. He really didn't like thinking about that, "that was the first time we had really argue and I even hit you. I was so angry at myself, at Voldemort and at you for saying that you didn't need me and even since then I held this fear that someday I will be replaced in your life".

'Even when you were with Ron?" he found himself whispering as if he was telling a secret. Harry held his breath as Hermione's eyes leveled to his, they were shining with an emotion he couldn't make sense of.

'Even when I was with Ron', her voice dropped as if she felt guilty about that, "I know it was stupid but it was just how I felt and that's why I try to be here for you now, that's why I can't help but get angry when you shut me out".

"Hermione", his voice was gruff, Merlin she smelt great, "no one will ever replace you in my life". They continued staring at each other and Harry had no idea who moved first but suddenly her lips were pressed to his in sweet agony. He held her closer, needing to feel her, to know that this moment wasn't a figment of his imagination.

But before he could react further in any way Hermione pulled away from him, her eyes wide with shock. He could feel her building a wall around herself, shutting off every emotion that was threatening to break through.

"I'm sorry", she said her voice a husky plead for him to just let it go, "I didn't mean for that to happen. I uh I am going to go, see you tomorrow at work".

She was out the door before Harry could say anything. She kissed him, the words kept replaying themselves in his mind. It was a step forward but he also knew she would die before she let anything like that happened again. He groaned and made his back to the kitchen. There was nothing he could do now but hope things work out and that he wasn't the father of her baby no matter how bad he wanted to be.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 9**

By the end of the week Hermione had indeed moved into Grimmauld Place much to the surprisingly little protestation of Molly, even though she really wanted to keep a really close eye on Hermione in her present condition. As of by unspoken agreement neither of the friends broach the subject of their shared kiss; other than when Hermione told him it was a mistake and Harry could only agree.

As it was Friday Harry had gone over to Godric's Hallow to see his parents and also stop by to see Teddy as he usually did. The week had been uneventful as he found out his partner, Abigail wasn't bad at all. She was a professional and they worked well together but he was still a little reserved. By the time Harry made his way home all of Hermione stuff was already in place, looks like she had been busy while he was away.

He walked up the creaking steps towards her room and found her stacking her books away. He wondered how all of them had fit in her flat but then again magic was a wonderful thing. Hermione was dressed in her pajamas which consisted of his Quidditch jersey and some shorts. She was stealing his clothes already. He smiled to himself as he observed her precise movement as she put her things in place; he was content just watching at her.

The house already had a different feel now that she was living with him and Harry knew he would enjoy having her here. Other than the occasional nightmare which he would hide from her at all cost and his feelings for her, he was glad she was here. Her condition wasn't showing yet given that she was only a few weeks pregnant but she was glowing.

"You have been here what, a few hours and you are already stealing my clothes?" Harry joked and he took a seat on her bed. Her scent taunted him; he figured she had just taken a shower. This was going to be harder than he thought, "and that shirt is one of my prized possessions".

"Sorry", she said sheepishly tugging at the edges of the shirt, 'I –uh- it just so soft and comfortable I couldn't resist Harry".

"Don't worry about it", he said sharing a laugh with her, "I hardly wear it anymore and besides you are the only woman who I would let wear it".

"So there have been others who wanted to try in on umm?" she asked humor lighting up her chocolate brown eyes.

"There haven't been much lately so you can keep it", he came back with and tried to gauge her expression.

"Well maybe if you stop babysitting me you can actually have someone", she said quietly as she sat beside him.

"Why would I want someone else when I have you Mione?" he responded just as quietly staring intently at her, "

"Harry?"

"Its ok, we already cleared the air about that, it was a mistake and it's fine", he supplied not wanting to make things awkward, "I know how you feel".

She laughed nervously and kept playing with the edge of his jersey, "maybe we could have just _obliviated _it so it won't stand in the way of our friendship".

Harry instantly stiffened as she said those words but tried to hide it. Things always had a way of catching up with you, "yeah I know", he mumbled.

"So I guess I'll leave you to it then", Harry said standing up, "I know you probably want to get some reading done and we wouldn't want you to not feed your brilliant mind now, would we?"

"Yeah whatever Harry", she said smiling up at him, "but I do want to do that, you know me so well".

"That I know Ms. Granger", he mocked saluted her and turned around to leave when Hermione stood up and brush her lips against his cheeks, he turned at the last moment and she caught the edge of his lips. He froze in place trying not to react to the feel of her lips against his skin or the heat radiating from her body.

"Goodnight Harry and thank you for letting me stay here". He offered her a weak smile and nodded before he escaped the confinement of her room. Harry leaned against her closed door, closing his eyes as he tried to control the urge to go back in the room and ravish her in every sense. He knew he couldn't do that, not now anyways. It would just scare her away and that was the last thing he wanted.

----------

Harry jerked awake breathing heavily. He had no idea what woke him because he couldn't remember exactly what he was dreaming about. He was positive it involved the witch living under the same roof as he. He untangled himself from the bed sheet and padded out the room towards the kitchen downstairs for something to quench his thirst.

He was slightly surprise when he encountered Hermione there as well munching on a sandwich; it was barely after midnight but he figured when your hunger calls you answer, "Isn't it too late for you to be up and eating?"

"Harry!" she exclaimed turning around to face him, "Merlin don't scare me like that ever again and I was hungry or at least my baby was hungry", she continued defensively but a smile broke out on her face.

"Right", he said sarcastically pouring himself some water, "blame it on the poor kid".

She snapped his hand away as he reached for a piece of her tomato and he had a metal flashback to third year when she did the same thing when he tried to interfere with her time tuner, "guess I'm not the only one who hungry and get you own Potter".

"I never knew you could be so mean Hermione", he said placing his hand over his bare chest as if she hurt him. He saw her eyes flickered briefly over his nakedness, "not feeding the hungry as yourself".

Hermione smiled at his attempt to maker feel bad, "I help those in need but you can get your own".

"Fine I wasn't hungry anyways", he surrendered and sat opposite her on comfortable silence as she finished eating.

"Any particular reason you up?" She asked as he wiped the corner of her delicious mouth, "other than the obvious".

'Nope", he said, "I heard a noise and thought some crazy women was raiding my kitchen".

"Ha ha very funny you are just on a roll tonight huh?"

He chuckled at her words as a hush fell over them again. Harry continued watching her across the counter, "do you think that you will fall in love and get married again?" he asked her quietly. He had expected her to scoff at his words or make a witty comment but she did neither.

"I would like to think that there is someone out there for me other than Ron", she began slowly as if choosing her words, "but I also know that not many guys would accept a woman with a child. I don't know Harry no body knows what the future holds and I am not ready for all of that again and I don't know if I ever will be. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious that's all Mione", but he had gotten his answer to the unasked question. No one will be able to fill the role Ron had in her life, not even him, "I just hope you know that life goes on and you shouldn't give up another chance at a happy ever after".

"I know that but what about you?" he raised and eyebrow at her question, "is there anyone that fits into your happy ever after?"

"There is", Harry said testing his courage to see how far he would go with this, "she's brilliant, beautiful and everything I could ever want in my life partner. But she doesn't feel the same way about me; I am just a friend to her".

"Oh Harry", she sympathized, "its' her loss for not seeing what a great guy you are. One day she will and you will have your happy ever after but I am sure there are a million girls out there that would love to be with you for who you are".

"A million?"

'Maybe not a million but I am sure there is one out there", she filled in rubbing his clasped hands gently.

'But all I want is y- her", he caught his words but looked her straight in the eyes. Hermione looked startled for a moment under his forceful gaze. She looked away blushing slightly from embarrassment or because she was uncomfortable Harry wasn't sure.

'I'm going back to bed", she declared after clearing her throat, "and I am sure everything will work out once you tell this girl how you feel Harry".

Harry nodded knowing when to accept defeat and watched her exit the room taking all his bridled emotion with her. "Real smooth Potter real smooth", he muttered under his breath.

------

"Hey Mione", Harry said to her the following day as he walked into the Den, She was curled up reading, "want to got take a ride with me?" It was a beautiful day for flying and he was hoping he would convince her to go with him.

"Yeah right Harry", she said sardonically, 'I plus a broom equals disaster and we both know it. The last time Ron tried to get me to learn to fly I nearly wrecked his broom, so thanks but no thanks".

"Come on", he cajoled her, "maybe this time it will be different. Besides what can go wrong you will be with me, the youngest seeker in a century".

"I don't care Harry; it's not a good idea".

"Please Hermione", he pleaded kneeling before her, 'it won't be so bad I promise".

"Ah fine but if as so much make a flying prank I am so going to kill you Potter", she stated but Harry ignored her. The main thing was that she was going and that was all that mattered.

Harry felt Hermione's arms tightened around his waist as he steadily raised the broom higher and higher in the garden behind Grimmauld Place. He could bet all his gold that she was closing her eyes as well just waiting for her feet to touch _terra firma_ again. A chuckled rumbled in his chest, he would never understand how she could ever be afraid of flying; it was just so free in the air.

"Open you eyes Hermione", he said turning his head slightly to the left so she would hear him, 'you have to eventually get over your fear and just relax, it's going to be fine".

"How do you know my eyes are not opened now?" She muttered into his shoulders blades.

"Judging from the grip you have around my waist I'm pretty sure that they are close", at his words she relaxed her arms around him but her front was still pressed to his back. Harry felt her lean back a little as she lifted her and he smiled to himself. He dipped the broom a few times letting her shriek of fear before steadying the broom and laughing. She smacked his arm and reminded he promised no crazy flying antics.

After a while of keeping his word Hermione was still tense but not as much as she was when they first came up. Her fingers were alternating between clutching his shirt and smoothing them over his belly. Harry felt his stomach contract every time the tips of her finger brushed against his skin. He tried to ignore the heat spreading throughout his body as they circled the perimeter few times. The wind had picked up and Hermione's hair kept teasing his face and neck as her shampooed tantalized his nostrils.

She was now relaxed against him with her head pressed on his shoulders, just admiring the view. The feel of her breath tingled all the way down his spine. Bringing her up with him was something sort of an impulse decision but he was glad he did, "I see why you like this so much Harry, it's so free up here. Like nothing can touch and you are on top of the world".

"Do you want to take charge?" he asked turning to look at her but she was already shaking her head. She was so close, he could feel her warm breath on his lips, "I'll teach you if you want and I promise I won't let you fall".

"I don't think so Harry", she filled in quickly, "you got me up here and that's all it will going to be".

Harry continued to look at her, she was hiding something. He could see it in her eyes. As he she read his thought Hermione broke eye contact with him, "can we go back down now?"

His eyes scanned her unreadable face and he nodded, feeling worst that ever that he forced her to do something that was causing her to hurt. It took him a few minutes to reach the garden again and Hermione instantly jumped off the broom. He muttered thanks and turned to walk back into the house but Harry grabbed her wrist.

"Hey are you ok?" He asked concerned. She was turning a little blue sin the face, "Hermione?"

She covered her mouth and nodded frantically before taking off into the house; he followed her and found her in the bathroom throwing up, of course, the flying made her stomach upset. _You are an idiot Potter! _

"Oh Merlin Hermione", he said apologetically, "I'm sorry I didn't think that it would affect you like this. I should have thought about this before I decided to take you up?'

He pulled her hair back as he emptied her stomach in the toilet. He grabbed a wash cloth and handed it to her when she was finished and looked at her with soft eyes, "don't worry about it, I should have thought about it too. She sat on the toilet seat as he stood before her and Harry realized this was just like the night after Ron's funeral, except he didn't have a distraught Hermione.

"I'm feeling better now so no harm done. Are you ok Harry?" she asked and he jumped slightly. He must not have his emotions as well as he thought.

"Yeah", he replied roughly, "yeah I'm fine". He pulled at his collar suddenly feeling hot. A forbidden image Hermione her underthings flashed through his mind and his closed his eyes to block them out. Bad idea, the images only intensified. He remembered how she had felt under his hands, soft and smooth and the feeling as he had entered her moist core for the first time made his breath become raged.

He had unconsciously grabbed Hermione pulling her closer to him, there bodies inches apart. The heat emanating from hers blended with his. Her startled brown eyes looked onto his greens orbs and Harry had no idea what he was doing. Hermione licked her lips and Harry fought the urge to follow the path of her tongue with his own. He saw her eyes darkened slightly as he stepped closer to her, dipping his head a fraction.

He wanted to kiss her so badly, to taste her again but he also wanted her to want to kiss him and not feel guilty about it afterwards. He grimaced inwardly and wiped the corner of her mouth on pretense of cleaning it to cover his more potent desire.

She closed his eyes as his fingers lingered and when she opened them he could see her control was back. Whatever he thought he saw in her eyes vanished and was replaced with nothing. Not a thing he could read, 'you had a little something there", he motioned to his mouth and stepped away from her enticing body.

"Thanks", her voice was a shade deeper than it normal and Harry knew he wasn't the only who felt the tension between them. The spark that he knew would ignite into a raging inferno. From they way she reacted she felt whatever it was too and was trying her dame to prevent it from taking over her body.

The confines space of the bathroom wasn't helping matters for the better but Harry couldn't bring himself to move. He knew once he stepped out of the room everything would revert to the way it was. Why was it so hard for him to let go or for her to let him in? He knew the answer to both of those questions but he was not willing to accept it.

"Well I'm going to grab a shower and nip over to the Burrow for a while", she said and Harry knew it was _code for get out so I be alone! _

He left without a word but stopped just outside the door. He didn't want to leave things the way they were, awkward and unresolved. He tuned the knob and re-entered the room but the sight of Hermione sitting on the seat of the toilet with her head in her hands crying stopped him short. He stood immobilized as her body rocked with sobs she tried to not let him hear and it tore his heart into. His actions were making her feel confused along with her response to what she would call weirdness between them.

It was that moment seeing his best friend in pieces that he decided to back off, to not push. Harry resolve to let things move at her pace even thought they haven't established anything. She was pregnant with a baby that may or may not be his and still in love with her dead husband. For the first time Harry felt anger at Ron for causing this situation that he was in but then he fell foolish about it. He closed the door and stepped out, leaving her to grieve on her own.

**Hey guys, what ya think about that one. Depressing right, yea I know lol. I think that eventually the truth is going to have come out right or at least part of** **it. Hope you enjoyed it and sorry fro the wait. Next chapter should be up soon depending on the –well depending.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I really should me studying for my exams lol. **

**Chapter 10**

"There is everything written in the reports I handed to you about the closing of the case so there shouldn't be much paperwork left to do", Abigail said to him motioning to the papers she placed on his desk, "you OK?"

Harry nodded and smiled at her, "thanks, that should be all for this". She nodded and turned to walk away. Harry watched her go, not really seeing anything at all. It had been months since he had seen Hermione's breakdown in the bathroom. Four months since he had done his utmost to act as her friend and nothing more to her. Four months with her living under his roof, taunting and teasing him with her presence without even knowing it. Every glance and every touch they shared seared his body with the need to have her, to make her his.

She had of course acted as if nothing had happened and Harry wasn't sure if to be grateful or angry at her lack of emotions. There were times when he had caught her looking at him weirdly but she didn't say anything. He did his best to not let it get between them. With her finally showing and her mood swings more excessive Harry was trying half of the time to not make her angry. But it was killing him. Her scent lingered in every room, on his clothes and on the couch in the Living room. Many nights they had fallen asleep curled up together on that very couch while the tension between them slowly began to build. It was only a matter of time before the dam of walled emotions broke and Harry had a feeling it was going to be catastrophic.

Harry sighed and closed his tired eyes; the image of her skin wrapped in nothing but a fluffy towel came to him as sharp as if she was standing before him. He had spilled some juice in his shirt and had headed to the freshly laundered clothes for another one when Hermione had stepped out of the bathroom dripping wet from her shower. Both of them had stood frozen as his eyes ran over her pregnant figure hungrily tracing the trickle of water, wishing he could close the distance between them and swiped every last drop with his tongue.

Instead he mumbled an apology; side stepped her and sought refuge in the very room she had exited. He was instantly bombarded with the sweet smell of nothing but Hermione and the frustration he felt just kept mounting. She was driving him barmy and he couldn't do anything about it. Everything was finally getting to him, his hidden feelings for her and the fact that he slept with her and she had no clue only made things worst. His fears about the baby were at the top of the list but he couldn't risk telling her. Harry kept putting it off, telling himself when the time was right he would. But the chance never seemed to appear. She was now five months pregnant and he hadn't the courage to spill the beans.

His conscience kept pricking at him but Harry ignored it of course. He was so lost in thought that he failed to register that Hermione had entered the office and was waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. She had a small smile playing on her lips when his eyes finally leveled to hers. Even thought things have been a little weird their friendship remained solid as ever.

'Hey", she said bracing herself on his desk, not as relax as she thought she was because Harry could read the tiny details of tension in her body language, "didn't mean to bother you, but I hope you had a minute".

"For you Hermione I have all the time in the world", he replied glancing at her hands on her protruding belly under her work robes. For some reason that made him want her more, "is everything alright?"

"I just wanted to let you know I am having dinner at my parents tonight", She said quietly, "I'm leaving right after work so I wasn't sure if I was going to catch you before I left".

"How are you getting there, you know you can't apparate and you don't fly, not to mentioned what happened the last time we were in the air together", he voice his concerns and saw something flicker across her eyes, "I don't want anything happening to you Hermione".

"Oh relax Harry there are other ways of getting to my parent', she assuaged fears, "like the floo".

"Right", he mumbled embarrassed, "I forgot about that, sorry".

"So I better get back to work", she said after a while and leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheeks, "I may be spending the night so don't wait up".

------

Harry placed his hands on the curves of the woman's waist straddling his legs and pulled her closer to him. He tried to block everything out and concentrated in her, on the way she was making him feel but as his hands weaved their way through her slick straight hair, he knew that it wasn't going to go any further. Harry had ignored every warning his mind that had screamed at him and asked Sarah out again. And his present predicament was proving that it was indeed a stupid idea.

Still he persisted to make this work. He needed this Harry kept telling himself. He ran his hand over he smooth skin, so much like Hermione's and Harry felt his passion grow. Instead of the straight hair under his palms Harry felt the curls he loved so much. He thought about the little glimpses he had of her delectable body and the first time they had actually come together and his response to the woman under him was renewed.

Harry flipped them over so that she was lying beneath him. He slipped one hand under her tight fitted dress with some difficulty as the other moved up her waist. There was no going back, he needed her so much. All the night he had imagined being with her again, tasting her and having her response to him without restrained fueled his desire. It didn't matter that this wasn't Hermione, it didn't matter that he was in a sense using this woman as a substitute, it wouldn't be the first time. In that moment all he could think about was Hermione; the woman he loved. At least he was until the very real voice of that women sliced through the air bringing him back to reality.

"Oh I am so sorry", he hear her say before he looked up and saw her averting her eyes from the two of them on the couch, "I didn't know - I mean I didn't mean to interrupt. Sorry".

And she was gone, just as like she appeared. Harry removed his hands and sat up, finding his arousal gone just like Hermione. Sarah stood up and adjusted her clothing as if sensing the change in his mood. He opened his mouth to apologize but she held up a hand.

"Don't", she rasped picking up her purse, "I had a feeling this evening wasn't going to turn out with me naked in your bed Harry, you were trying too much. Just don't call me anymore because we both know the one you really want just left this room and is currently in your house".

He just sat there as she left not really sure what really happened before he heard a noise coming from upstairs. As he slowly made his way up the stairs Harry had no idea what he was going to say to her. The moment he saw Hermione in the room Harry felt as if he was cheating on her and the need for an explanation ran deep. It was a mistake bringing Sarah back here but he had a feeling he won't be bringing anyone else here again either.

He knocked and pushed her bedroom door opening and paused at the sight of her lying her bed with her hair loose over her shoulders as she shifted to accommodate her growing tummy aimlessly reading Hogwarts; A History. His gut was telling him she picked that up the moment she heard him coming to act casually.

"Hey", he whispered running a hand through his hair, willing her to look at him, "you're back early".

"Yeah", she wouldn't meet his eyes, "my parents have an early morning. They are going on vacation in France and I thought I would come home and be with you rather than staying there but you looked pretty occupied".

"I'm sorry about that Hermione", he rushed on, "I didn't know you were coming home and I just-"

"There is no need for you to explain Harry", she overrode him, "this is your house and you shouldn't have to change your life because a pregnant woman suddenly moved in".

"Hermione is not like that and you know it", he exclaimed pushing his hands further in his pocket, preventing himself from reaching for her, "it won't happen again I promise".

"Don't be silly Harry", she retorted glaring at him, "I won't have you altering your life just so I don't have to watch you parade your women in your house".

"Then why are you angry?" he found himself asking as he ignored her last words.

"I am not angry", she scoffed moving her legs to hang over the bed as much as her stomach would let her, 'what gave you the impression that I was angry at you?"

"Because you are yelling at me", he supplied and watched her lifting herself up.

"I am not yelling at you", she squeaked in denial and pulled out a bag from the drawers and started to pack her things.

"What are you doing?" he asked panicking and walked over taking the things from her hands, "why are you packing your things Hermione? Look I know you didn't expect to walk in on something like that but I am not going to let you leave and I don't want you stressing out".

"Harry I think that some space will do us some good", was all she said before she took the bag from his numb hands, "being cooped up together here isn't working out and we both know it".

"Hermione we don't need space", he could feel his anger growing, "because we are not a couple and this has more to it that you are not telling me".

"I am not hiding anything from you Harry. I just don't think us living together is a great idea".

"Give me one good reason why", he bit out challenging her.

"Look Harry I'm pregnant and you are single', she started as if talking to a kid, "you don't need extra baggage. Tonight is a perfect example of how I am imposing in your life and eventually you will start to resent me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happens. This baby is mine and my responsibility only".

"Hermione I don't see you as being in the way and I will never resent you", his voice was much softer and lower, Harry placed his hands on her tummy bringing her misting eyes to his darkened green ones, "I want to be in your baby's life Hermione and I want you here with me, forever".

They stood gazing at each other and Harry could feel things changing. He knew it was now or never; he had to tell her how he felt before she pushed him away. He gently moved his left hand to the side of belly and lifted his right to cup her cheek before pressing his lips to hers; gently, softly, a mere brush of connection. He felt her stiffened and placed her palms on his chest with a little pressure to pushed him away. However Hermione's hand just rested there for a moment sending shock waved through his body as increased the pressure of the kiss.

He knew she was going to pull away and so Harry pulled her as close as her stomach would allow him to without hurting her and took advantaged of this divine moment. He knew the moment they separated all hell would break loose. Hermione ripped her lips away from his suddenly and pushed against his chest creating the much needed distance between them.

"Why did you do that", she was practically in tears and the pain, anger and confusion burning hers eyes gripped his heart, "answer me Harry".

"Because I wanted to Hermione", he replied with his heart pounding in his chest, still reeling from the kiss, however brief it was, "because I had wanted to do that for a long time. Because I want to be with you and I am in love with you, I have been for a while now".

The silence that encompassed the two friends crackled with tension. Hermione was staring at him unbelievingly, "what did you say?" she whispered shocked and mortified at the time.

"You heard me", there was no going back now, "I am in love with you".

"No you are not Harry", she said as if trying to convince herself more that him, "you can't be. I am carrying Ron's child and we have been best friends for so long".

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her about the baby but he didn't have a chance, 'you are not in love with me Harry".

"Don't tell me how I feel Hermione", he responded, "you tried to do that once and I am not letting you belittle my feelings for you. I want to be a father figure to your baby if you will let me and I want to be with you. You can either accept that and we work it out or you can give up and go back to living in the past. Ron is gone Mione but I am not".

Hermione just stood there watching him as if he spoke in another language, "I can't - I can't do this, I'm sorry".

He didn't stop her from leaving this time. He heard her sobs as she went down the staircase and it wasn't long after he heard the slam of the front door. The coolness that always seemed to accompany Grimmauld returned with a vengeance and Harry knew that he blew; she was gone and he lost her. He took a chance and it backfired.

------

Harry signaled the bartender for another fire whiskey as he finished the one he had. It was getting pretty late but he had no where to be. Not that anyone he wanted to be with wanted him. After his futile attempt to talk to Hermione he apparated to Hog's Head and secured a table in the back, secluded in the dark. She had been avoiding him ever since he told her how he felt.

His head was buzzing and he knew it was time to stop but it just hurt to know that she wanted nothing to do with him, that she didn't love him. He had loved her for so long, wanted to be with her for so long but he never allowed himself because she wasn't his. She was Ron's. She was always Ron's.

Before he knew it Harry was out the pub and out in the warm night. He needed to see her, hold her if she would allow. Make sure she and the baby was fine. The past couple of days had been some of the worst in his life and Hermione was the light in his darkness. She wasn't living at Grimmauld anymore but was staying at her parent's house for the time being. Harry stumbled as he made his way down the streets and before he knew it he was at her childhood home. It was a miracle he didn't loose a body part apparating this drunk.

He knocked twice at her brown door and braced his arms on either side of the frame as he waited for her to let him in; hoping she would let him in. He wasn't prepared for her scantly clad body as she opened the door and tried to fix her robes. His eyes moved up her smooth bare legs, over her rounded stomach peeking under her top to her shocked eyes. Eyes that were red and puffy, she was crying but Merlin she was beautiful. His curled his fists in deterrence of reaching for her.

"Why didn't you chose me?" he rambled over her words before she could send him away, "what did Ron have that I didn't. Was I not good enough? Was it because I always got you hurt", he unconsciously grabbed her elbows and sparks tingled up his arm as he pulled her closer to him, "why wasn't it ever me?"

His eyes roamed her face looking for some clue as he implored her, "I know I am not him Mione. I am a coward for not telling you how I felt before but all I ever wanted was someone to love me. All I ever wanted was you".

"Harry -"

"I just need to know", he slurred swaying a little. His head was beginning to pound, "please, I love you and I know that doesn't change anything but I love you. I have always loved you and I know in here", he took their joined hands and placed it over his racing heart, "that I will always love you".

"Harry", her voice was barely a whisper, "you're drunk and you don't know what you are saying".

He shook his head in denial. Why wouldn't she believe him? "No. I told you and I wasn't lying. I love you Mione". The way avoided his eyes and her continued silence said more that she would ever know.

"Just say it", she didn't want to be with him. The anguish look in her eyes pierced his heart, he was hurting her even when he was trying to love her, "do you think you could ever love me?"

The silence was deafening as their eyes clashed violently. For the life of him he couldn't read anything from her expression or in her eyes. He slowly released his hold on her, stepping away. This was it. Sobriety swiftly took over as he backed away from her. The ache in his chest exploded into pain so unbearable he could barely breathe, "I'm sorry I …." He walked away ignoring her shouts of his name.

-----

Harry propped his feet on the table and leaned back on the couch. He knew he should have tried talking to Hermione again but he wasn't really sure how to do that. He had told her how he felt and she had proven that she didn't feel that way about him and wasn't ready for it as well. Ginny suggested he seek her out after Harry evaded her questions about what exactly happened between them but Harry wasn't going to. The ball was in her court, she was going to have to make the first move. If Hermione wanted him to bury his feeling he would, no matter how much it hurt.

He took a sip of his butterbeer as his eyes roamed around the finished product of Godric's Hallow. He had not gone back to Sirius old house since she left. Hermione's things were still there the last time he checked but he had no idea of she retrieved them. That was what scared him the most; the thought of her cutting him out of her life all together. His resolved was cracking as the days went by. Was she doing alright? Was the baby doing alright? Had she had any pain or complications?

He wanted to know but Harry was trying his best to not give up and just go after her. _Whenever you are ready, I'll be here._ That was all he said in his owl to her a few days ago and she hadn't responded to him yet. Harry knew he had to stop using his family home as a hiding place but he couldn't help it. There was just something about this place that called to him. It certainly took the cake for being alone rather that Grimmauld. Knowing there was nothing to absorb his restless energy Harry got up and made his way over to his parent's grave. Maybe talking to them will clear his mind.

Harry sat on his heel before his parents headstones. The slight wind ruffled his wild hair but he paid no heed to that fact. A sense of peace washed over him as Harry began talking to his parents. He always felt as if by talking to them he would find the answers to his problems. Now seemed like a perfect time to get some answers.

"I told Hermione how I felt", he said quietly not wanting to think about what happened afterwards, "and she left. I knew it would have been a shock for her but I couldn't keep the way I felt about her a secret anymore. It was too hard, she was there all the time and there is only so much I can take".

Harry paused and ran the tips of his fingers over his mom's name, "I wonder if I will ever get to experience what you and dad had together. From what I heard you guys were really happy and that's all I want". Harry wanted to have someone who was always going to be there for him, someone who would love him and moist of all someone who would leave him and that person was Hermione.

"Hermione is the one I want and she knows that", he continued, "but she had to give me a chance, give us a chance and I don't think she will. She knows I love and want to be with her but what she doesn't know is that I could be he father of her baby".

Harry shoulders tense as he heard the crunch of someone behind him. He closed his eyes wishing it wasn't the person he thought it was but he knew he was wrong. His senses were always alerted whenever she was near him. He slowly pivoted on his heels and found himself looking up into the chocolate eyes of his best friend.

**Hope you guys weren't too disappointed in how Harry finally told her how he felt. I had an entire different way but it just didn't flow. If ya read please review! ******


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello, anybody out there lol. Sorry guys I know it been a while since I have updated but sometimes things happen in life that you can't prevent. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always feedback is welcomed, just be gentle lol.**

**Chapter 11 **

His heart was hammering a mile a minute in his chest as Harry slowly stood up. He briefly closed his eyes hoping against hope that she hadn't heard anything but that did not stop the questions from fluttering through his mind. _What had she hear? Did she hear me talk about the baby?_ Harry tucked his hands in his pocket as his eyes slowly ran over her figure, hungrily drinking her in. This is the closest they have been since everything had happened and his response to her was as strong as ever. With her hand protectively over her stomach she took a few steps towards him. Harry eyes trailed to her swollen tummy where her hands rested and the glittering of her wedding band pained his eyes.

"Hi", Hermione said watching him closely. He released a breath he didn't know he was holding; she hadn't heard what he said. Harry felt as if she was bearing into his soul because of the intensity of her gaze, searching for something he couldn't voice or something she thought he wouldn't tell her. "How have you been?" He saw her flinch at her own words and couldn't help but think that wasn't what she really wanted to ask.

"Fine", he humored her and they lapse into silence once again, the tension was tangible, "you?" Why did it sound like he was talking to a stranger, this was Hermione for Merlin's sake. He hated that they were so formal with each other.

"Good", she glanced to the hand over her stomach and then back at him, "we are both doing well".

He nodded and just stood there feeling the edgy pressure rose tremendously around them. Harry couldn't understand why he wanted to be anywhere but here when all he had been thinking about these past few days was seeing her again. He knew the only reason she was here was because she had made a decision and his gut was telling him he wasn't going to like what she was going to say.

"Ginny said I could find you here", she filled in as if she needed to justify why she had been looking for him, "I didn't mean to interrupt you".

"Don't worry about, I was finish anyways", he responded waving his hands over his parents grave.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around lately", she said trying to hide what she was really feeling but he knew her and so Harry caught the little quiver of her bottom lip, "I just – what you said surprised me and I just needed some time figure things out".

"And", he asked with a streak of hope in his voice as he stepped closer to her, their bodies were a few inches apart and his heated from the warmth radiating from hers. His eyes had narrowed in on her lips briefly before he caught himself as Hermione stepped back.

"Harry I-", she paused and took a nervous breath with the apology shining from her eyes, "I'm sorry but I can't. I never meant to hurt you and I know things have been weird between us since Ron died and I was hoping that eventually things would go back to normal. I love you; I truly do but not in the same way that you feel about me".

With every word said Harry felt the knife twisting deeper into his already fragile heart. The pain was slowly reaching to every fiber of his being. He knew it wouldn't have been easy for her to accept how he felt about her but he never thought it would have hurt this much. The ache in his chest amplified to a point where he couldn't breathe properly.

"Can't or won't Hermione", he asked searching her face for any indication that she was going to change her mind, "you won't give us a chance because you don't have any feelings for me at all or because you are afraid of how you feel".

Her eyes flashed briefly as their gaze clashed violently. They both seemed oblivious to the fact that they were having this conversation, about love and life in a cemetery, "you can't just flick your wand and have your feelings for someone change Harry. You have been my friend for a long time and that's why this – whatever is it - between us will never work".

"Ron was your friend as well Hermione but that didn't stand in your way", he said and wished he hadn't because the hurt that flashed across her face before she steeled her emotions was another of her reactions he would always remember, "sorry that was a low blow".

"Things were different between me and Ron Harry", she replied, her voice carrying a definite edge as she rubbed her stomach indirectly indicating a reason right there, "yes we were friends but there was always this _thing_ between us that I couldn't explain".

"Hermione you can't honestly tell me that you have never thought what it would have been like between the two of us", he urged moving closer to her. He needed her give him a chance, "with everything that had happened the past couple of months. You kissed me Hermione and that has to mean something right".

'That was a mistake", she said weakly trying to move away from him but Harry captured her elbows bringing her closer to him. The smoothest of her skin beneath her fingers send his heart racing.

'Was it a mistake both times Hermione?" He urged softly, "I don't believe so. I know you felt something when we kissed, I know you feel something every time we are together and I know you feel something right now". His last words were nothing but a whisper as he tried to make her see there was something between them.

"Harry-" it was nothing but a feeble protest but Harry held her captive with his eyes as well as his arms.

"I know you are scared Mione", he whispered softly, "and I know that I will never be him but give me a chance to prove how much I love you. Give us a chance".

"I can't", she said tearfully.

"That night I came to see you, you said that I didn't know what I was saying, that I was drunk", Harry continued, "I am not drunk now Hermione and I love you. I want to be with you. What do I have to do to prove that, just tell me and it's done. I know that loosing Ron wasn't easy but I can't go on pretending anymore".

'Trust me Hermione", he whispered fiercely framing her face with his palms, "trust me. I know how much you loved him, how much you still love him but I can't do this anymore, I can't hide the way I feel about you".

Hermione's hands were now clutching his shirt to a point where her knuckles turned white and Harry knew that this was the moment everything would change. She would either let him in or push him away and break his already fragile heart, "just tell me what you want Mione".

"I-"

"No matter what happens I will always be here for you", Harry reassured her as he saw her uncertainty flicker across her features, "whenever you need me".

"I don't know how to let you in Harry", she whispered clutching him closer, "You say you will always be there but so did Ron but now here I am, alone".

"You will never be alone", he said thumbing her tears away, "have I ever broken any my promises to you Hermione?"

She shook her head in denial and Harry took a deep breath, "then why can't you trust me on this?"

'Give me a reason why Hermione", he said reeling from his shattered emotions, "other than the fact that you are still in love with Ron".

She averted her eyes and remained silent. Harry eyes stayed glued to the side of her turned face. This was hopeless; she was never going to let him in, "so I guess that's it then", he said and stepped completely away from her tempting body rocking back on his heels.

"I never meant to hurt you Harry', her eyes were filled with tears and Harry could see the conflicting emotions simmering in her chocolate depths, "but if we cross that line and things don't work out I don't think our friendship would survive that".

"You don't think that by us kissing we have already crossed _that_ line Hermione", he was starting to get frustrated. He rather focused on bringing out his anger than drowning in his pain at her rejection, "It's not just about that too. Things have changed between us and you know it. I know you can feel it. Merlin Hermione why is so hard for you to let me in, give in to what you are feeling!"

'Because I don't want to loose you too Harry", her exclamation stopped him short as her words sunk in. _Hadn't he just told her he would always be here for her? This was just like the fight they had on the night of her wedding._

"Hermione", he said strongly and reached for her but she stepped out of hands, "you will never loose me, I promise you that".

"Then why does it feel like I already have Harry", she came back with fiercely, "ever since Ron died I felt you pulling away and it has more to do than you feeling for me, ever since we have always been fighting for reasons that I don't understand".

"Hermione", he grasped her shoulders firmly not letting the truth of her words get to him, "if you don't believe anything else I say believe this; you will never loose me. I'll do whatever you want Mione so that I can prove just how much you mean to me. So what is it going to be; are you going to give us a chance or are you going to walk away from something that could be great?"

For a moment she said nothing but Harry could read her decision in her eyes. He released her and tucked his hands in his pocket preventing himself from reaching for her.

"I'm sorry Harry but I can't take that chance", he nodded numbly looking over her shoulders, drawing in a breath. She began to say something but thought better of it and remained quiet. This was what it felt like to have the one you love reject you because she was afraid of what she was feeling.

"So what are we going to do now?" he asked solemnly.

"Go back to being Harry and Hermione", she said logically, "as we always were".

"I don't think I can do that", he replied conflicted because he had promised her that she wouldn't loose him, "at least not for a while".

"I guess I'll get my things from Grimmauld then", he could hear the anguish in her she was trying to hide but he needed to think about himself for once.

"Don't", Harry said, "you don't have to get yours things because I won't be living there anymore. You can have the place to yourself for as long as you want".

"But where will you be", she asked her eyebrows scrunched in confusion, questions shooting out of her brown eyes.

"My parents' house. I have been fixing it up since the war and it's finally finished", was all he said. Hermione stood staring at him, a flicker of hurt in her eyes, before she nodded and he knew she was wondering why he didn't tell her about it.

"I just have one question Hermione", he couldn't stop himself from saying the words as he halted her departure her by placing on hand on her upper arm, "do you think that you will ever let him go and be happy again?"

"I don't know Harry", she murmured quietly not meeting his eyes. Harry watched her walk away this time and he knew that they had just lost something vital from their friendship. His eyes strayed to his parents' headstone.

"Guess I will never have what you guys have".

---------

"You told her how you felt", Ginny repeated for the third time and Harry groaned in frustration. They were suspended a few feet above the ground in the garden behind the Burrow. The sun was beginning to set as he floated trying to clear his mind.

"Yes Ginny", he retorted running his hand wearily over his face after removing his glasses, "for the last time yes".

"And she turned you down", he glared at her and she took the hint and dropped the topic. After his talk with Hermione Harry had sought Ginny out, he had needed to talk to somebody, to do something that would numb the pain and he knew the bottle wasn't a great option.

"So what are you going to do now?" she asked quietly and he refused to look at her because he knew she felt sorry for him. Merlin he hated this person he had become; always trying to hide how he felt and always trying to please everyone. It was like he had no sense of what he needed altogether. But Harry knew what he needed alright but she didn't want him because she was afraid.

'Well she wants to be friends so I guess that's what we are then", he replied sarcastically lowering the broom to the ground and stalking towards the bench, "I have no choice right. I know Ron hasn't been gone a year Gin and I am not trying to be insensitive, I know how much she loved him but I know she feels something for me".

"Harry I know this is hard for you but you have to remember that they were married", she said consolingly lightly squeezing his shoulders, "she is having his child and it's clear that Hermione is scared. I mean now that he's gone, you are all she had left and I presumed she doesn't want to jeopardize that".

Harry snuffed his guilty conscience at the mention of her baby, "Isn't she jeopardizing it now?"

The youngest Weasley sighed, "Just give her some time Harry, that's all you can do at the moment. Hermione knows how you feel and she knows that you are hurting and I am sure she's upset that she's is the cause of your pain".

Time, give her time. He smiled grimly and hugged her, "thanks for letting me vent".

"No problem that's what friends are for right".

'Right", he said and sat forward leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Are you going to stay for dinner?" Ginny asked twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers.

"As much as I love your mom's cooking Gin I'm going to have to decline", Harry replied staring to the distance, not really seeing anything at all, "Creswell wants help with the Auror training program so I have to meet Abigail for some information and then run some things by Creswell himself".

"So how is your working colleague?" Ginny asked casually and Harry smiled slightly looking sideways at her.

"She's a major pain in the butt", he said teasingly, "but I can manage I mean I did work with your brother".

She swatted his arm and he laughed, "seriously Harry".

"She's ok I guess", he said sobering up, "we work well together and I feel comfortable around her. I think we can be good friends".

"Well I'm glad that you actually gave her a chance".

"Yeah me too", he hadn't been trilled at first when he had heard he was getting a partner in a sense. She was a professional and Abigail knew her stuff and that made their work a whole lot easier but he couldn't help but keep looking over his shoulder just to make sure she wasn't getting hurt because of him.

They sat there in silence and Harry's eyes traced the sun as it disappeared over the horizon. It purple glow filled the sky before it faded into total darkness with nothing but the tinkling stars and the pale light of the moon reflecting each other. He was so lost in his thoughts that he never saw the shadowed image of Hermione standing by the kitchen door watching them as they interacted with a confused expression on her face.

------


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 12**

The sweet taste of the butterbeer did nothing to quench Harry's thirst as it slid down his throat. He was sitting at the far corner of the Three Broomsticks, secluded from the bustling crowd. He needed something stronger but prevented the desire of it from taking over. After work he didn't want to go home to an empty house with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. He vouched for one of a more crowded place instead in hope of not feeling alone but as usual things didn't always go how he wanted it. He felt more alone than ever. With his eyes trained to the label across the butterbeer Harry mind drifted back to his encounter with Hermione a few days ago. He gave it his all; he tried to make her understand, to make her see that he was here but then logical Hermione step in and buggered it all.

Talking to Ginny had help but it wasn't the same as talking to Hermione. It was funny, from the moment they became friends she had always been the one he would vent on, Hermione was the one that had all the answers for him. Now, he had to figure things out of his own since they involved the woman in question. He grip in the bottle in frustration. Sometimes he hated that she could just shut her emotions away like that and act like nothing happened, he hated that he could feel like his world was slowly crashing around him and Hermione had the power to put it all back together but she refused to. She refused to acknowledge it because she was afraid and didn't want to loose him, tough luck there because she did just as he lost her.

The bell over the door rang and a gust of cool wind sneaked its way inside. And it really must not be his lucky day because Ginny along with Hermione stepped in tugging at their light coats to ward off the coolness before the door closed, leaving the hot air circling around the room. He cursed himself as his eyes took in her appearance from her work robes molding her figure, outlining her new found beauty to her pink tinged cheeks and wild hair. His heart, on its own accord skipped a beat as she smile as something Ginny said lighting up her face. Harry hadn't seen that smile in such a long time and it warmed his soul a little to see his Hermione was still there.

He tried to make himself invisible, wishing he had his cloak like in school as they approached the counter to order drinks. _Merlin Potter you face Voldermort and you are hiding from a pregnant woman! _He realized he was acting ridiculous but not enough to have another tense, force, unnatural conversation with Hermione, no matter how much he wanted to. Distance was what he needed from her to move on and that was what he was going to do. She wanted to be friends like they always were but Harry couldn't see how that was going to happen. He knew what she tasted like, knew what she felt like under his finger tips, and knew what it was like to be with her however bleak his remembrance was. He knew what it was like to be with her and Harry couldn't just ignore all of that and go back to being Harry and Hermione, best friends.

That line, one he really wasn't sure that was there had been crossed and there was no going back. She could deny it all she wanted, try to push it away and bury whatever she was feeling but in time it will engulfed her just as it did him and then, maybe she would let her herself be happy again. Harry had accepted that a part of her will always belong to Ron; he was her first love, her husband and maybe the father of her child. But Ron was gone and as much at it hurt to loose part of the Trio, his first friend, the closest thing to brother Harry knew Hermione had lost more but that didn't mean she should lock that part of herself away for forever. He took another swig from the now warm bottle and caught sight of her and Ginny sitting directly opposite to him a few tables away. Her back was to him as Ginny faced him but she hadn't seen him yet and he wished she would so she could distract Hermione so he could leave.

Her distinctive laughter filled the air and Harry found himself smiling at little at the sweet sound. Was it possible to miss someone so much that a constant ache developed in your chest even thought they were less than a couple of feet away from you? If things were like normal, Ron would have been sitting beside her as they gushed about their baby while he had Ginny were beside them most likely not together but as they were now. They would have been talking about how lucky they were to have made it to this part of life while he tried to hide how he felt about his best friend's wife. But things were like the old days, Ron was dead and Hermione wanted nothing to change between them.

"So things with you and Harry seemed to change now that you are back together ", Harry ears barely caught her question and he saw Ginny's brows furrows in confusion as he was sure so was his. Where did that come from? He just told her he was in love with her, why would she think he was with Ginny.

"What", he heard Ginny replied as her spew her drink over her shirt, "Hermione where would you get an idea like that. Harry and I are only friends". Since she had her back to him Harry had no idea how Hermione took the answer except for the slight droop of her shoulders.

"Well with all the time you have been spending with him", Hermione filled in, "and well I-"

"Is that why you have been acting so weird lately", Ginny asked softly and Harry could see her expression turn from humorous to understanding, "oh Hermione you should know that Harry wants no one but you by now".

The tension was once again lining her shoulders and he sighed, nothing had changed, "Harry doesn't want me Ginny. He just needs somebody to save and right now he thinks I am that person and I know he still feels guilty about what happened to Ron".

Harry couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. She had always told him about his saving people thing but for her to think he only acted the way he did because he felt guilty. Guilt had nothing to do about what he felt for her, how could she even use that as a justification for her avoidance of them being together? He could feel his anger simmering in the pit of his stomach as he glared at the back of her head. He was mildly surprise that she didn't turn around by the force of it.

"Hermione if you really believe that, then you aren't as smart as your OWLs says you are or you are just using that excuse as a deflection from the truth", Ginny responded and Harry calmed down a little, "yes Harry always had moral fiber but we both know that isn't the case this time. Do you know the real reason I broke up with him?"

Harry saw her motion that she didn't and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest of this conversation, "other than the fact I know I couldn't love Harry for who he is, it was because I saw the poster boy, because I knew he was in love with someone else. At the time I wasn't sure but on your wedding day I got my answer. I couldn't never measure up to what he really wanted what Harry really wanted, what he needed was you".

"Ginny", he heard Hermione said her voice cracking but Ginny waved her hand stopping her words.

"He didn't tell you Hermione because all you saw was Ron", Ginny said and Harry cringed at her words. She hit the nail on the head. He had had never told her that but yet she figured it out, "it wouldn't have matter if he did then because you would have turned him down and the all of your relationship would have changed. With everything that had happened there is only so much one can take".

"It's all so confusing Gin", He heard her say as she buried her head in her hands and Harry wanted to go over their and engulf her in his arms and never let go, "I mean I loved Ron didn't I? And if I did then why am I having these feeling for him. When I am around Harry I feel safe, that everything is going to be ok but at the same time I panic at the force of those feelings. How can I after what happened to Ron?"

"Hermione we all know you loved Ron but sometimes things happen that we have no control of", Ginny replied smiling softly. Harry was now listening while holding his breath. Now he understood why she was so reluctance. She felt as if she was betraying Ron's memory. He heaved a sigh and rubbed his tired eyes, wishing that the answer to this impossible situation would fall into his lap. And what kind of friend was he being not giving a dame about that but that was a lie. He was constantly thinking how all of this would look as well but he knew if he had Hermione, everything would be fine. The air around the Three Broomsticks was slowly closing around him and it was becoming too much for him.

Needing to get out of there unnoticed by the smartest witch and also hide the fact that he heard what they said Harry finished his butterbeer in one gulp, tuned out the rest of their conversion and stood up catching Ginny's eyes and her eyes widened slightly in recognition. He motioned to Hermione so that she would distract her so he could leave without being seen. Harry inched away into the direction of the counter and he didn't know what Ginny said but Hermione swirled her head towards the window and followed Ginny's finger. He breathed out a sigh as he got closer to the door and smiled gratefully at her, silently telling her he would make it up to her. He wasn't watch where he was going walked straight into the person coming in. He caught his balance and Ginny's widened eyes before he looked up into the round smiling face of Neville Longbottom.

"Hey Harry, how are you. I haven't seen you in a while", he greeted jovially and loudly and Harry closed his eyes in slight irritation. There was no way he could leave now; Hermione for sure heard his name and her attention was now focused on him and his avoidance of her. Harry managed a smile and greeted him.

"Hey Nev, I'm good", he said as they boys stepped back into the Three Broomsticks when someone shouted to get out of the way, "work had been crazy as usual. How about you?"

"Oh I studying to be the next Herbology teacher at Hogwarts", he responded turning a little red. Harry thought it was a great idea; Neville had always done great in that subject area, "still got a little while to go though".

He could feel her eyes burning into the back of his head and Harry fought the urge to return her gaze, "I'm sure you will do brilliant Neville and I'm sorry but I have to go".

"Oh", he said glancing to the girls, "I saw Ginny and Hermione through the window and I thought you were with them". Harry followed his line of vision and regretted it the moment he did. He found himself looking straight into Hermione's brown eyes. Their gazes held and locked for what seemed forever but in reality were only a few fleeing seconds before Hermione looked away, breaking the connection. He continued looking at her downcast head for a moment longer as the ache in his chest flared.

"I um-I was just stopping by for a quick drink Nev but you go ahead", he said with a force smile, clapping him on the shoulders, "I'm sure they haven't seen you in a while as well and more than happy for you company instead of mine".

"Alright Harry, well it was good seeing you, maybe you can come by Hogwarts sometime for a visit", Neville offered and Harry nodded thinking it was a good idea. He had been back since he left and maybe going back there would give his the feeling of belonging as it always did. Besides he hadn't seen Hagrid in long time.

"I may actually take you up on that", Harry replied and he moved aside for Neville to get to the witches. He couldn't stop himself from sneaking a glance at Hermione. She had been looking at him but quickly averted her eyes. This was what they came to, some many years of friendship and she could barely look him in the eyes. He nodded to Ginny and stepped into the cloudless night wondering why he still cared about what happens. He cared because it was Hermione Granger.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 13**

They were in the middle of the raid when it happened. Harry had been so focused on the job, defending himself against the spells shooting in every direction and watching his partner back that he found it hard to believe that he messed up. They were heading towards Knockturn Alley where other Aurors had requested backup when all hell broke loosed.

Instant Darkness power had played a role in distracting him and the next thing he remembered was the piercing pain in his shoulders and then a blow to the head before dizziness had lured him into oblivion. That was four hours ago and here he was lying in an uncomfortable bed at St. Mungo's. One would think that since it was the magical world that they would actually use magic to help with patients comfort.

His bruise body was sore and aching and he had a mother of a headache. He left shoulder was bandage and his arm was immobilized for the time being so that he wouldn't cause more harm to the injury. Yeah Like he would want that to happen. Harry rubbed the back of his head wincing as his fingers irritated the bump the size of a galleon. Apparently a sharp piece of glass had gotten stuck in his shoulder as the store exploded.

"Glad to see you live and well Potter", Harry eyes swirled to see his partner coming into the room, her eyes sparkling with humor as she sat beside his bed, "seems you were out longer that necessary for a bump in the head".

"Yeah", he responded just as teasingly, "next time you take the hit and we'll see who stays knocked out longer ok Abby". She returned his smile before getting to business.

"I owled you family, they should be on their way soon", she said ignoring his taut, "good to see you haven't gotten any lasting damage boss but according to Creswell you aren't to return for the rest of the week. I of course tried to tell him that you did this purposely to get out of that paperwork that I now have to do".

"Well as_ your_ boss I do have that privilege", they shared a laugh and Abby leaned in and kiss his cheek in good humor. He grabbed her hand halting her retreat, "thank you for having my back out there". He said seriously all traces of mirth gone from his tone. His head was starting to pound again.

"Always", she replied and smiled down at him, "that's what partners are for right?" Harry grimaced inwardly as he remembered Ron but pushed it aside. It was after she pulled away that Harry saw Hermione standing at the door looking between the two of them a little uncertainly with Ginny in tow.

"Harry what happened", Ginny asked as they entered the room and stood at the foot of his bed.

"I'm going to get going, See you in a few days", Abigail said and with a last squeeze of his hand she left smiling at them on her way out.

"A little accident that's all", he said grimacing as pain shot through his arm as he adjusted his position. The words were directed at Ginny but Harry kept his eyes trained on Hermione. She was looking a little pale and she hadn't said anything or even looked directly at him yet. He knew coming to St. Mungo's wasn't on her top list.

"I should be out by tomorrow", he continued staring at Hermione, "I hit my head and my shoulders is injured but I'm fine. It's late what are you guys doing, you could have waited until morning".

"Abigail didn't really say what happened to you", Ginny filled in looking at Hermione then at Harry. She raised an eyebrow at him when Hermione looked down slightly and he motioned with his head for her to give them a minute. She murmured something about going to talk to the doctor and left.

Silence mingled with tension settled over the two of them. Harry whispered her name softly and his breath caught as she raised anguished filled eyes to meet his. He knew this was going to be hard for her and she couldn't be stressed out in her condition. Her lips quivered and her tears fell one after the other. His heart ached for her and he silently extended his right hand towards her.

With her small soft hand encased in his Harry tugged her towards him and he pulled her down on the narrow bed next to him careful to not hurt her in any way, which was ironic since he was the one bruised and sore. He winced as he shifted for her to rest her head on his chest and wrapped his good arm around her shoulder.

"I didn't know what to think when Ginny said you were in the hospital", she whispered. Her warm breath fanned against this neck and Harry pulled her closer, "I thought-"

"Shh", Harry murmured into her hair as he was willing the pain in his head to subside, "I'm fine Mione, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I promised you wouldn't loose me didn't I?"

He continued to hold her as he whispered soothing nothings into her ear as body stopped quaking form her sobs until she fell asleep. Ginny had returned a while later and had left a little hesitantly because she wasn't sure if it was ok for Hermione to be there. He had waved off her hesitations, Hermione needed to be here as much as he needed her at the moment. Maybe this was her breaking point.

However when Harry woke up the next morning, he was alone. Hermione had somehow managed to sneak out while he slept, maybe so that she wouldn't have to face him in the light. The disappointment he expected to feel wasn't there because a part of him couldn't believe that Hermione was actually there the night before. He however bit back his frustration at her actions as he sat up gingerly in the bed and started to wonder if he had just imagine her being there last night, it wouldn't be the first time she appeared to him as an illusion. He just didn't understand her; she worried about him but didn't want to be with him.

He flexed his shoulder hoping it was fully healed by now and a light twinge ran through his arm. The bump on his head had gone down but his head still ached a little, but it wasn't too bad considering a store had practically fallen on him.

"Good Morning Mr. Potter", he healer said warmly as he entered the room, "I trust that you are feeling better".

"Very much", Harry replied sitting up in the narrow bed, "other than a few aches here and there, I feel fine".

"Well a few potions should take care of that for you", He waved his wand and a few viles of potion appeared on the table beside Harry's bed. The healer motioned to Harry to take them and he complied, wincing as the sour tasted slithered down his throat. Oh that was some nasty stuff.

"What is in that?" he asked trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

"I don't think you really want to know that Mr. Potter", the healer responded smiling a little and Harry had a gut feeling he was right. He watched the older man go over his chart, "everything seems fine here but I think a closer look at your shoulder would make things easier".

The healer removed the bandage from his shoulder before slowly rotating the joint and kept pressing his fingers along the injured point. As he continued to examine Harry, he asked for any form of pain or discomfort which Harry denied. The faster he was out of here the better. He needed a good shower and some good home cooked meal but he had no desire to go over to the Burrow just yet.

"Well your shoulder seems as good as ever", he determined stepping back and picking up his clipboard, "so you are free to go. If you have any problems at all, please feel free to contact me".

"Thank you", Harry mumbled and swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stood up. The potion had reduced the headache but a dull pain still throbbed throughout his body. Harry made his down the white hallway trying his best not to think of Hermione and her vanishing act because all that oozed out of his body was anger.

If she was going to leave after practically falling apart in his arms then why did she come in the first place? He was glad she came but it just made him hurt more because all it did was remind him that she didn't want to be with him. Did she even stay long? The only reason she showed up was probably to make sure he wasn't dead. Harry chastised him the instant that thought floated across him mind.

She still cared for him, that much was certain. It may not be the way he wanted her to but she did and he should be thankful for that but on some level he wasn't. There probably was a good reason why she left. Or maybe reality came crashing down around her the moment she found out he was fine and then she left. Her subtle scent still teased his nostrils from his shirt where she had rested her head.

Maybe it was better this way. If he saw her less maybe as he was trying to do his feelings for her would fade away to nothing but a mere memory and they could go back to being as they always were. But he didn't want that. Harry stepped into the floo and vanished within the flickering green flames as he felt himself spinning around on an axis before he appeared at Godric's Hallow.

He didn't waste anytime and pulled off his shirt as he made his way to the bathroom and then his jeans and boxers. His dirty robes had already disappeared to the laundry room. Harry closed in eyes him complete bliss as the hot water flowed over his aching body soothing away all the pain in his tense muscles. He stayed, bracing his head against the cool tile for a while before stepping out of the shower and drying off.

Harry then made his way to the kitchen. He needed tea; that was the only thing that was going to help with the nerves. He put the kettle on to boil and leaned against the counter of the island watching the water start to ripple slowly before it started to bubble violently as it gradually reached boiling point.

It took a mere few minutes to have his tea and Harry made his way to the couch, he had nothing else to do today so he might as well make use of his free time. A brown owl greeted him, Abby's. It was nothing of important she just wanted to know how he was and Harry scribbled a short response, sending the owl back to the ministry. He settled into the soft cushions and took a sip of the hot liquid relishing the taste as he swallowed. He propped his feet on the table and leaned his head against the headrest mindful of the tiny bump at the base of his head.

It wasn't long before the crackling of the fireplace alerted him that he wasn't alone in his parent's house. Harry cracked an eye open only to find Ginny's head floating in the fireplace, green flames licking her face. She offered a small smile, knowing that she had intruded in his quiet time.

"Hey Gin", he said looking at her with both green eyes, "what's up?"

"I should be asking you that", she said grinning, "how are you feeling, I stopped by the hospital but they said you already left".

"I'm fine, no lasting injuries".

"Well that's good", she filled in, "I don't think you boss would want to loose his best man on the job".

"Flattery Ginerva", Harry murmured his lips curling into grin, "what do you want?"

"What makes you think I want something Harry", she said after cringing at his use of her name, "mom wants you over for dinner tonight. She wants to make sure you are really ok after last night and not starving, even though I told her you can cook pretty well".

"I don't see why that would be a problem", Harry said referring to the invite to dinner. He had eaten there a lot of times before and he was still craving Mrs. Weasley's food.

"Well Hermione is going to be there too", she said quietly, "and mom doesn't know you told her how you feel about her and that you guys are on a break as to speak but I figured you talked over things since she was with you last night".

Now he knew why she came to see him. Whenever he and Hermione were in the same room, anyone could cut the tension with a knife and if Molly picked up on that, the questions would never end. He knew she had their best interest at heart but at time she can be very impulsive in her actions.

"So she really was there last night", Harry said and Ginny looked at him confusedly, "I thought I was hallucinating because of the bump on my head".

"Harry what are you talking about?"

"Hermione wasn't there this morning when I woke up", he said, a little resentment lacing his voice. He had no idea why it bothered him so much that she wasn't there when he woke up, "yeah, she vanished into the night". He laughed a little at his last words.

"I'm sure she had a good reason", Ginny tried to appeased him, "she was really worried about you Harry, you should have seen her so I don't think she would just leave".

"Really?" he asked sardonically, "maybe she woke up and got scared and as usual she took the easy way out instead of actually having the chance to face me and face the truth". The brief conversation he overheard between the two of them at the Three Broomsticks flashed through his mind. She was definitely feeling something fro him but was just trying to bury it.

"Harry-"

"But I'm done Gin", he said not believing a word of it, "she made her choice and that's fine with me. She wants to be friends, we'll be friends so dinner should be pleasant his evening".

"When you start believe that, get back to me ok", Ginny replied, frustrated at his behavior, "dinner is at eight?" and she disappeared.

Harry slouched deeper into the couch as silence once against ensued. He rubbed his tired eyes beneath his black rimmed glass. He was always going to love her no matter what. But he missed her so much, not only because he wanted to be with her but she was Hermione. Beautiful, brilliant, clever Hermione, his best friend and loosing that had hurt more than he was willing to admit. She was so much a part of him; that Harry didn't know how to let go.

-------

He had been staring at her all night but if anyone noticed they didn't any anything. Harry knew he should stop but he couldn't. She was absolutely glowing, her face was fuller and her body had developed to accompany her progressing pregnancy. It suited her well. She knew that he staring and did her utmost to avoid his eyes. From the moment he had arrived Hermione had done nothing short of running out of the room where he was concerned as to not be alone with him. However all thoughts about keeping his distance fled his mind the moment he laid eyes on her.

The boisterous conversation around the table tickled his ears but he paid no heed to it. The customary _how have you been_ and _how you are feeling_ had passed long ago and all Harry wanted to do was to get her alone and just talk, that's all he wanted to do. He didn't want to touch her soft skin or pull her in his arms. He didn't want to taste the plumpness of her pink lips and he most certainly didn't want to show her exactly just how his body wanted hers.

Every time her she bit her lips or smoothed it over with her tongue, Harry had to fight the urge to groan out loud. He turned his frustration on his eating utensils and settled for gripping the fork he was holding in his hand. He somehow managed to move his eyes away from her and participated in the surrounding conversation with a little help of Ginny kicking his foot under the table. He sent her a glare before answering Mr. Weasley question.

Dinner was finally coming to an end and Mrs. Weasley began clearing away the empty plates to be wash. He saw Hermione stand up from the corner of his eyes, "I'll do that Molly, you guys can go ahead into the living room". He wanted to avoid him again, but Harry wasn't going to let her slip away again.

"Hermione dear, you don't have to", she protested loud enough for Harry to hear and he smiled. He wasn't sure if it was on purpose but he was glad for the indirect invitation.

"It's not a problem, I don't mind", Hermione replied and Harry took his and the remaining plates to the sink.

"I can help her Molly", he said and felt rather than saw Hermione tense beside him, "she's right. The least we can do is help with the dishes, it's a muggle thing".

"Ok then", she gave in and followed the others out the kitchen but added before she left, "but make sure to join us when you are finished".

As she left the room, the tense pressure that had been simmering all night finally erupted into the air. Hermione instantly turned way from him and began washing the dishes manually. She never really used magic for these sorts of things. He played along with her silence and he dried as she washed not once breaking the quietness. Her hands were shaking so bad that the plate in her hands nearly slipped. But given his seeker reflex Harry grabbed the plate and placed it on the counter, reached across her and turned off the tap stopping the flow of water before turning back to her.

He gently took her trembling hands in his as he turned her body to face his completely. Hermione hung her head and it came just below his chin so he took the next step and drew her slowly in his arms, giving her time to pull away if she wanted to. But she didn't. Her body sagged, letting go of all the tension, all the pressure and all the uncertainly and wrapped her arms around his waist, gripping him tightly. Her body began to quiver as sobs escaped her lips, wetting his shirt. But he didn't care. Hermione was finally letting him in, finally letting go of all her self control. She was finally baring herself to him, so he could see how far her wound ran. She was allowing him to finally heal her with his love.

He had been angry at her for so long that Harry had failed to see what she was going through. She had needed to let herself go a slower pace and all he did was unload on her. Ginny was right, she had needed time. The quivers of her body gradually lessened and Harry just held her, slowly and soothingly running his hand at the side of her head. He would continue to hold her as long as she needed him to.

Hermione lifted her head from his chest and met his eyes. He gently wiped away her tears and offered a small smile letting her know that everything was going to be ok. That he was here and wasn't going anywhere. His hands gravitated to her waist, moving over her shoulders and down her arms. He however had no time to react for surprise paralyzed his entire body when Hermione's lips connected to his.

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**A/N: I'll try to get the next chapter up by Friday before my finals start.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 14**

The surprise he felt at the warm contact gradually faded into something much more powerful but his hands stayed at her waist. He was afraid that if he moved them, the spell would be broken and she would go back to like nothing happened and Harry knew he wouldn't have been able to handle that. But instead of backing down, Hermione hands grasped the collar of his shirt desperately and pulled him closer, practically melting into his body. Her tongue slipped out and moved over his sealed lips and Harry's mouth opened on their own adding more energy to the passionate kiss.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and tangled the other on her hair, holding her prisoner as their lips fused together adding fuel to the burgeoning fire flickering between them. She tasted incredible, the sweetness of Hermione along with her salty tears. Her unique scent floated up his nose and he groaned deep in his throat. His hands slid from her hair and slowly down her back pressing her lower body into his applying pressure causing a delicious thrill to skitter along his spine as he slowly released her lips.

Their ragged uneven breathing filled the kitchen and Hermione rested her forehead on his chin as they both tried to get their breathing as well as their emotions back to normal. She didn't make a moved to leave the circle of his arms and Harry didn't budge a muscle. If this wasn't real, he wanted to savor it as long as he could.

"I'm sorry for not leaving you this morning", she whispered, her warm breath fanning his neck, not helping his reaction to her, "I was so scared at the thought of you being hurt and when I saw you alive and well I was so relieved Harry, You kept your promise".

"And I always will Mione", he said into her hair hugging her to him.

"But when I woke up, it became too real", she continued softly, "the way I felt became real Harry and I couldn't lay there and not be freaking out. The truth is I have been feeling this way for a while and I tried to push it away, to bury it but I can't anymore. But then I feel guilty because of Ron and then the baby and I just didn't know what to do".

His heart raced at her words. He heard what she was saying but his mind failed to assimilate the information, "I had to get out of there and I convinced myself that the way I felt was just a phrase, it would pass and then we would be fine but that's not true. You were right, things have changed since Ron died and I do feel it and I was afraid because of how I felt about you".

"What exactly are you saying Hermione?" he asked shaking on the inside with emotions.

"I am willing to give it a try", she murmured and Harry stood motionless hoping that he heard her right, "If you still feel the same way about me, I am willing got give us a try. I know I said that all I felt for you was just platonic, but I was lying. I need to move on, I am ready to move on with my life and it's going to take time but knowing that you are going to be there helps".

Harry took a deep breath, inhaling all that was Hermione with the heaviness in his heart lifted a little. She was willing to give them a shot at something that could be great. He palmed her cheeks gently and tilted her head so that their gaze met and for the first time, he didn't hide what he felt for her. Her eyes were filled with uncertainty as she waited for his answer. Harry's eyes roamed her tear stained face before a smile slowly stole across his lips.

"That's all I wanted Hermione", he whispered tenderly, "a chance with you and I promise you everything will work out". She let out a slow breath as her eyes softened with emotions. Harry knew that they had a long way to go, she may have decided to give him a chance but he had no idea how she really felt and where this would go. He loved her, and he always will so it was solely up to her to decide what she wanted.

"I am sorry for the way I have been acting", she said, "and thanks you not giving up on me even though I gave you no reason to keep being there".

"Hermione I know this is a lot for you to handle but I can't let you, Merlin knows how much I tried", Harry said looking into her chocolate eyes, "but our friendship is something that is always going to be there no matter what happens between us".

"I know and I do need you just as my baby will need someone Harry", she reasoned and he tried not to react out of order when she mentioned the baby. He still hadn't forgotten he might be the father but he was still waiting for good time to tell her, "and I am glad it's you, Ron would want that".

"There is no where I would rather be Mione", he said smiling softly at her, "so where does this leave us?"

"Well you can move back into Grimmauld if you want, it feels really weird not having you there", she said unsurely, "but I know how much your parents house means to you".

"I can alternate", he proposed rubbing her arms gently, "it doesn't matter now, we'll decide about that later. How are you felling with the baby, is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is going normally", she said and his heart warmed at the smile on her face, "I felt he or she kicked the other day and it was amazing Harry. It made it more real you know, to actually feel the little life inside me".

A slight grin curled across his lips as he imagined her reaction wishing he had been there for it. To see her eyes light up and that beautiful smile spread over her face. He placed his hand on her bulging stomach, hoping to catch a feel but nothing, "I'm sure it was amazing. You looked great; this part of life really suits you".

"Thanks", she replied as her cheeks turned scarlet. He stood gazing down at her and the connection was broken as Ginny burst in the kitchen asking if they were ok.

"Yeah we're fine", Harry told her and she smiled as she noticed their position, locked in each others arm, "we'll be out in a minute".

"What are we going to tell Mrs. Weasley and the rest of them Harry", Hermione asked panicky as soon as Ginny left, "I mean I was married to Ron and then suddenly I'm with you, wouldn't that be weird for them, especially Molly".

"You don't have to worry about that. They know how much you loved Ron Hermione and she wouldn't hold it against you for moving on", Harry said soothingly.

"Really Harry", she said ironically stepping out of his arms, "remember how she treated me when she thought I was stringing you and Victor along".

"All she did was give you a smaller Easter basket Hermione", he joked reaching for her again. Now that he could touch her freely, he was going to take advantage of it, "besides she knows how I feel about you".

"What?" she asked looking up at him, "did you tell her".

"No I didn't", he replied shaking his head in denial, "she figured it how and asked me about it. It was the morning after your first doctor appointment actually, she found us sleeping on the couch and I guess she figured it out from my behavior". To be honest Harry still had no idea how she found out.

"And she was ok with it", she said with a far away look in her eyes, "now it makes sense. She had been saying some unusual thing lately about you and me".

"Yeah I bet she did", Harry said, "she just wants you to be happy Hermione I guess she figured since we were already close, it would only be natural. I guess she didn't factor in that you may not feel the same way about me".

"Maybe she saw something that I was trying to bury subconsciously", Hermione offered with the still dazed look in her eyes.

"Yeah", he said as he tried to figure out what she meant by that. Did she always feel something him but didn't act on his as he did? Or was he now just somebody to fill the space in her life now that Ron was gone, "maybe we should talk about this another time since everyone is waiting for us".

"Ok", she said and they finished the dishes in compatible silence, each lost in their own thoughts about what just happened between them a couple of moments earlier. Harry felt grateful about what occurred but he knew it was only the beginning of the long road. But he was willing to start the journey because nothing that was worth it ever came easy in life. Love was never simple, there is always some pain involved but in the end it would all be worth it because he would be with the one he loved.

And that person was Hermione and it always will be her no matter what happens. He had wanted to offer for her to come live with him at Godric's Hallow but he knew it was way too early for that. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away.

"There you go", Harry said drying the last of the dishes and placing it on the rack, "all done". He dried his hand and extended it to her. Hermione smiled and placed her tiny hand in his callous ones and he intertwined their fingers as they made their way to join the rest of the Weasley's.

However the moment the stepped out of the kitchen Hermione released his hand. Harry looked at her curiously but he reasoned she wasn't ready yet to disclose their change in status and on some level he wasn't too. He watched her take a seat beside between Molly and Ginny and smiled as Ginny arched an eyebrow at him, silently asking what happened. All he did was continue smiling before his eye soften as they rested on Hermione, who was now talking too Molly.

"So I guess everything is better between the two of you?" Ginny said as she made her way towards him.

"Well it's getting there", Harry replied. He dialed down on his insecurities about the future and decided to appreciate this moment, "we talked and she is willing to give us a shot".

"That's great Harry", she said smiling at him and they shared an understanding. It may not be everything he wanted. Hermione may still be in love with Ron and Harry knew a part of her always will but she wasn't letting that stop here from living her life. He had asked her if she would be able to ever let him go and he would wait until that answer was yes.

Harry's eyes strayed to Hermione and he watched as her hands caressed her tummy, reaching to her unborn child. An unknown feeling simmered inside him as he watched her actions and for the life of him he couldn't name it. As if she felt his eyes on her Hermione looked up and their gazes met across the room. Her hand stilled in motion and he watched a smile touch the corner of her lips. Merlin he loved her so much.

He heard Ginny laugh softly as she walked back to her previous seat and he felt a little foolish for getting caught again. About an hour later Harry got up, preparing to leave. Even though Creswell said not to go in for a couple days, Harry knew staying home would drive him crazy and besides he felt fine. He caught Hermione's eyes as he said his goodbye and she followed him through the kitchen.

"Thanks for dinner Mrs. Weasley?" he said again and shook Mr. Weasley's hand in leaving.

He paused at the door and watched Hermione pulled at her finger nervously. Harry bit back a laugh and hugged her, feeling her tension leave her body and she relaxed in his arms, before placing a gently kiss on her forehead, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah", she replied softly and grabbed his wrist as he was about to dissaparated. He looked back quizzically, "this will work out won't it Harry, I mean us?"

"Yeah", he said with a smile instead of sating it all depends on you Hermione but he didn't and kissed her forehead again before leaving. He was just going to have to be patient and be there and let her have her time to heal because she was still hurting from her lost.

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"What are you doing here Potter", Harry groaned as his boss walked into his off ice the following day, 'I don't want you out there when you aren't at your best".

"I am doing fine", he replied shifting the stacks of paper around on his desk, "the healer said I was ok that's why he sent me home Mr. Creswell". Abigail had already given him a lecture earlier about coming into work but he was fine.

"Fine but if you mess up again, I'll have your job for real this time. I don't care if you are my best in the field", Harry laughed as his empty threat as boss left. He had been playing that card for a while now, whenever Harry defied him but he never carried through with it and Harry knew he never will.

"I see he let you live boss", Abby said and Harry for once didn't bite her head off. He was happy, for the first time in a long time he was happy and it was all thanks to Hermione.

"I'm lucky I guess", he responded, "and he doesn't want to be stuff with you alone".

"Very funny", she joked, "whatever those doctors gave must have helped with giving you a sense of humor. Anyways want to do lunch?"

"Thanks for the offer but I am going to have to decline", Harry said, "maybe tomorrow if you are lucky".

"Yeah whatever, I'll see you later then. Oh and we have go over the training program thing again", she added, "Creswell added some changes so let me know when you want to go over it".

He nodded in respond and followed her out before making is way down to Hermione's office. She had owled him earlier asking if he wanted to do lunch and he could never deny her anything. They were going to take things slowly. He finally reached her office and knocked once before entering. She was standing leaning over her desk lightly chewing on her lips as she tried to figure out whatever was on the parchment in front of her.

He smiled as groaned in frustration as she tired to bend lower but her stomach prevented her desire, "hey you ready to go?" he asked and she looked up immediately surprise that he was there.

"You remember lunch", he filled in before recognition flooded her features.

"Right, I forgot. I'm ready", she murmured before folding the parchment. She grabbed her bag and slowly walked over to him. His couldn't prevent his eyes from straying got her tummy; it was like a magnet drawing his gaze. Harry laced their fingers together as they made their way out of the Ministry and left for lunch.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 15**

The morning of Hermione's birthday found both of them in a tangled mass of limbs on the couch in Grimmauld place. Hermione was one her back with Harry lying beside her with his back to the couch and with his hand rested comfortably in her stomach. Last night they had stayed up talking just as they had been for the past few weeks. Things have gotten better but Harry felt as if she was only letting him see a part of herself. Sometimes she as so carefree with the way she touched him or simple kissed him lightly on his lips and other times, she was reserved in her emotions and had him guessing what she was thinking.

He had been awake for awhile according to the clock above the fireplace. His hand had slowly begun to circle her protruding stomach on its own accord. She was sleeping peacefully next to him given her slow deep breathing. Hermione shifted and mumbled something under her breath before moving closer to him, practically pushing more into the couch but he didn't mind at all. He smiled softly as she tucked her head beneath his chin and slid her arm to rest on his hip.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and stilled his hand on her tummy. He moved his hand an inch over and felt it again, a tiny pushing against his hand. His smile blossomed into a wider grin as the baby continued to kick insistently against his palm. It was truly an amazing moment. This was the fist time he felt it. All the other times he was never around and when he finally got to her the baby would have already settled down.

"There she goes again", Hermione murmured into the crevice of his neck, her voice husky from sleep, "it seem like she really wants you to know she's in there".

"I think I have that one covered", he said with a chuckle liking the idea that she called the baby a _she_, "but it's amazing to finally feel it".

"Yeah but that doesn't make it any less painful", she replied and placed a hand over his as they both relished in the moment. Harry gave her a half grin, knowing she loved every moment of being pregnant despite it drawbacks.

"So what's the plan for today birthday girl", Harry asked lacing their fingers together and kissed the back of her hand before resting their joint hands on his chest.

"Well I am having dinner with my parents tonight and I'm going over to the Burrow", she replied, "Ginny and I are going into Diagon Alley today for some shopping but I get the feeling that's not all it really is. Molly had been hinting about a little party but I told her I didn't want one. Being around my family and friends is enough".

"Maybe she may listen to you for once", he said laughing a little, "but her little get together might not be little".

"She listened to you for your birthday so why not me", Hermione came back and rubbing her stomach, "I just want to relax and enjoy the day".

"Ok then", he said, "so I give you your present now or do you want it later?"

"Now is as good time as any Mr. Potter", she replied, excitement evident in her voice as she looked up at him expectantly.

"Well I don't know how much you are going to like it but I hope its ok", he shifted their tangled bodies and sat up, bringing Hermione with him until they were sitting side by side. Harry raised his hand and a slightly well wrapped package came sailing through the air and into his waiting hands.

Harry handed the gift to her and murmured, "Happy birthday Mione". He watched she carefully unwrapped the wrapping as if not wanting to tear it and he couldn't prevent the laugh that escaped his lips.

"Don't even say it Potter", she warned in mock seriousness, "I always unwrapped gifts like this, and I can use it in the future instead of throwing it away and wasting it".

"I didn't say anything Hermione", he teased holding up his hands in surrender, "but you take the fun out of actually unwrapping things".

"Well it's my gift". He looked on, hoping she would like it. He really didn't know what to get her and one of Hermione's passions was reading so a book could never be a wrong gift. Her eyes glowed as she took the thick, delicate book out of the wrappings and placed it on her knee as she smoothed her hands over the words. _Hogwarts; A History_ shone in golden letters.

"Oh Harry, it's the first edition", she exclaimed looking at him with bright eyes, "this must have cost you a fortune, how did you even find it?"

"What can I say, it's the Potter charm", he replied smugly. She swatted his arm playfully and he feigned hurt, "Merlin I get you a great book and you abuse me for it".

"Oh hush it", she said, "you know I love it. Thank you". Hermione then proceeded to lean over and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. She rested a hand on the side of his face, gently rubbing her thumb against his cheek as she kissed him. Harry sighed into the kiss, taking pleasure in the feel of her lips against his.

"If that's what it takes for you to kiss me I am going to get you presents more often", he teased grinning like a fool in love but then again he was, wasn't he.

"They are going to have to be really really great gift then Mr. Potter", she replied in the same tone of voice, "but thank you Harry, I really love it. Now I can add it to my collection which you can help me update whenever a new version comes out".

"Oh boy what have I gotten myself into now?" He complained rolling his eyes at her lightheartedly. But whatever it was he really liked it and it was all worth just to see her smile like that at him.

"Now why don't you go take a shower and I'll make you some breakfast", he suggested standing up and pulling her up as well, "any preferences or should I shoot that question to the little one". Harry bended down and began talking to her belly animatedly until Hermione laughed out loud.

"We'll settle for some good old bacon, egg and toast Harry", she said ruffling his messy hair a little before making her way up the stairs to the bathroom.

Harry made his way to the kitchen to get started on his orders and about a half hour later Hermione strolled into the room dressed in some loose slacks and a shirt. Her hair was still matted from her shower as it flowed over her shoulders. His hands itched to run through them, untangling their curls but he didn't carry out with that desire because he feared if he touched her, he wouldn't be able to stop. As much as he wanted her, Harry knew she wasn't ready for that relationship just as yet. Their light kisses help suppress the urge briefly but it only intensified his need for her as well. He prided himself on having self control but he was still man, a hot blooded man and Hermione was a very desirably woman, pregnant or not. Harry placed her breakfast on a plate and slid it towards her. She smiled gratefully and dug in as he filled a plate for himself.

"So what time are you meeting Ginny?" he asked casually after swallowing a mouthful.

"In a bit, I figured the earlier we get this done the faster I can get home", she replied, "what are you going to do today?"

"I want to try and finish the last stages of the training program even though it's Saturday but I won't have to do it on Monday so I going to meet Abby in a while", he supplied, "and I want to spend some time with Teddy this afternoon. You can drop by if you want and if you can't would you mind meeting me at Godric's?"

"Yeah, I can try and meet you at Andromeda. I haven't seen Teddy in a while but I don't know what time I'll be finished with my parents tonight?"

"That's fine", he added understating that her parents were important too, "you can just meet me and my parents house then".

"Ok", Hermione nodded and Harry stood up taking is plate to the sink. He kissed her tenderly at the side of her head. He needed to grab a shower himself before heading to the Ministry.

"I see you later", he said and added without thinking, "Love you". Both of them paused in their actions at his words but Harry did not take it back. She already knew how he felt about her and he wanted her to get use to hearing it however that didn't ease the sting when she didn't say it back

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"Ok just keep you eyes close ok", Harry said as he took her arms gently and helped her up the stairs for his surprise. Hermione had arrived a few minutes ago. He figured now was a good as time as ever to show her what he had been doing for the past couple of days, with a little help from Ginny of course, "no peeking".

"Harry what is going on?" she asked for what seemed like the millionth time, "I really hope it's not a party or anything like that".

"Can't you just try and act like you are at least a little bit curious Hermione?" he asked biting his lips trying to prevent his laugh, "and it's not a party so you can stop asking that". She finally seemed to give in to the whole surprise thing and the finally reached their destination. He released her arms and unlocked the door and waved his hadn't in front of her face to make sure she was really closing her eyes. Satisfied that Hermione provided no reaction to his action Harry pushed the door open and guided her in.

He flicked on the lamp casting the room in a light golden glow before he move to stand beside her, "ok you can open your eyes now".

Harry watched silently as she did, praying that she liked what he did. Her eyes roamed over the room and Harry looked on as her eyes widen in shock and appreciation for what he did. From where they stood, Hermione could see the baby crib in one corner of the room, the walls painted in mint green. The changing table with all the necessities was directly in front of her and there was a basket of soft toys resting underneath it. By the window a craved antique looking rocking rested facing the outside as the pale moonlight filtered in. The walls were covered with moving pictures of flying broomstick and scattered books. He continued observing her as she walked over to the crib and touched the rails, slowly running her hands over the smooth wood.

"Harry this is-", she started to say and looked up, meeting his eyes across the room, "when did you do all of this?"

"I have been thinking about it for a while but it was finished a few days ago", he replied, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "that's actually my crib and don't worry I made sure no dark magic or anything was still on it. Since it was there I thought it would be fine but if you don't want it and want another one, it's fine. If you don't want the room either that's ok too. I just thought that since we are giving us a try maybe you would like to have a room here and-"

"Harry you're rambling", she injected in his on going speech smiling softly and his face heated in embarrassment.

"Sorry", he mumbled, "I just wasn't sure how you would react to all of this. You can change anything you want, the color or decoration. I wasn't really sure what to choose since we don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl".

"Its fine, I love it", she agreed walking back over to him and rested her hands on his chest. Harry shivered at her touch, "this was really sweet of you, thank you".

"You really like it?" he asked unsurely, "or are you just saying that so you won't hurt my feelings?"

"When the baby comes then we can may the needed changes but its fine as is it now Harry", she said smiling to assure him of her words and Harry relaxed a bit after that.

He eyes connected with her and he moved his hands, bringing one to rest on the curve of her hips and her protruding stomach and the other to her face. Harry smoothed her hair and tucked a few way ward strands behind her ears. She was so close to him that he could feel her warm breath against this lips and he gave into the desire he had been fighting all night and closed the distance between them, claiming her lips in a gentle heart stopping kiss. He moved closer melting the distance between their heated bodies. Harry felt the sparks as their lips connected over and over again in every fiber of his being and he pressed harder, needing more for her. But her hands pressing against his chest slowly penetrated his dazed reality of how things were.

"Sorry", he whispered raggedly against her lips as his hands moved to her hips, "I just – I have wanted this for so long Mione, us that sometimes I forget that we are in a weird position".

"Its ok Harry", she rasped. He nodded and he kissed her forehead letting her know he wasn't pushing her into anything. She offered him a smile and they left the room after he shut the light off. Hermione had brought some left over birthday cake from her parent as well as from Molly and he suddenly realized he was hungry. The awkwardness between them had lessened tremendously ever since they got together and now things just flowed naturally. They were back to finishing each other questions and reading each others mind.

"So wants some cake?" she asked sending him a sly grin as they descended the stairs and made their way to the living room.

"Do you even have to ask", he replied beaming boyishly at her, "that's the real reason I made you come over tonight, the baby's room was just a cover up in case you didn't bring the cake".

"Right", she settled on the couch while he went to get some plates and fork. It took a few moments but eventually he had a large slice of chocolate cake sitting in front of him.

.He took a seat beside her and cut a piece of his cake as the sat in comfortable silence as they finished eating, occasionally filling the silence with a joke or some fact about their day. He felt at ease with her and in that moment Harry knew that he got the old Hermione back, his Hermione, "so how are you parents doing?"

"Their fine", she said after licking the excess chocolate off her fingers. Harry swallowed nervously and shifted in his seat a little uncomfortably, pushing down the desire to clean her fingers himself, "my mom complaining that I don't visit them enough and she keeps suggesting I take it easy and you know the whole lecture".

Harry laughed in response then added. "She can't be worst that Molly, that's for sure".

"Yeah you have a point there", Hermione said, "but I promised to visit them more and to take you along with me".

"And when did I agree to that", he arched an eyebrow at her. He had no problem with hers parent so he really didn't mind at all, "as I recall you never asked me if I wanted to accompany you to see you parents".

"Like you would object to going". Well that was kind of true Harry mused silently and went back to finishing his delicious cake. "Hey Hermione", he said after a while and glanced at her. She looked up after getting herself another piece of cake, "happy birthday".

"Thanks", she replied smiling warmly at him.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 16**

Harry let out a groan as he sank into his chair at his desk. His body was aching so much it was starting to get numb. The final stages of the training program was finished and his boss made him and Abby go through each stage to make sure it was effective for the incoming Aurors in training. He felt a little bit sorry for the new set; they were in for some very challenging tasks. He took of his robes ignoring his body's protest at his action and strung it behind his chair. The good news was his involvement was over.

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair as his thoughts drifted back to the weekend with Hermione. They had ended up staying the entire time at Godric's Hallow; basking in the quietness as they walked through the homely village. That was one of the main reasons he loved living there, nobody hounded him and he could actually enjoy being there with Hermione. They had finally talked about Ron without feeling guilty about or terrible about what happened to him. Yeah it wasn't the same, but now the pain and sadness was not so much a part of their lives. Ron was always be in their thoughts but they tried to remember the good times, life moved on and gradually so did Harry and Hermione.

And she was finally being more open with him, even thought she still kept a part of her hidden. She touched him more without hesitation and he was happy that she was getting comfortable enough with him to express how she really felt. With the days that went by they got closer than before and he couldn't be happier than he was right now. The kiss they shared this morning still had him reeling. He had accidentally walked in on her in the bathroom while she was getting ready for work. Hermione was clad only in her knickers and bra as she stood before the mirror observing her body. His eyes had flickered over her full breast to her swollen tummy as she slowly ran her hands protruding belly. Their eyes met in the mirror and Harry tentatively walked towards her, never breaking their eye connection.

"You look beautiful Mione", he whispered genuinely as he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting both of them on her hands on her stomach, "not to mention sexy". She laughed at his words but her cheeks still turned red. Her skin was hot under his palms and Harry pulled her closer to his body. His lips teased the sensitive spot behind her ears before gravitation her the junction between her shoulder and neck. Hermione tilted her head, providing his with better access to her soft smooth skin and he took advantage of this extraordinary moment. Her grip of his fingers tightened briefly and she cocooned herself deeper in his arms.

Harry moaned deep in his throat at her reaction and he knew he needed to stop before she felt just how much he wanted her at this precise moment. That would only reflect just how much he wanted her all the time and he wasn't sure that was a good thing at this moment. He reluctantly pulled his lips away from her delicious skin only to have Hermione turn her head and capture his lips in a heated kiss. Her hands slid possessively into the hair at the nape at his neck as the kiss went from leisurely to hot and urgent. Her tongue slid in and moved over his in a way that had him pushing into her body, needing the contact to release the pressure building inside him.

Did she have any idea what she did to him? Harry gradually tuned her around in his embrace and carefully lifted her onto the counter beside the sink before moving between her thighs that separated on their own accord, not once breaking the union of their lips. He wanted to be closer, to fuse their bodies together until he didn't know where he ended and she began but her stomach prevented that from happening at the moment not to mention she wasn't ready. So Harry settled for sliding his hand up her long legs as he kissed her harder. He needed so much to be a part of her, his body continuously ached to be with her, to be inside her slick heat to feel her surround him. Hermione's hand grasped his hair almost painfully tugging him closer as her tongue flicked against the roof of his mouth. He groaned in pleasure. They needed to stop and it took all his willpower to pull away from her.

When their eyes met, Harry's body hardened at her dilated pupils. They were almost back with desire and it caused his heart to hammer away. He never thought she would look at him with such blatant need. His hands were still on her thigh while hers were still tangled in his unruly hair, making it messier. He swallowed hard as they kept staring at each other as the tension crackled loudly around them. Her eyes slowly cleared as they returned to their beautiful chocolate brown and Harry straightened between her legs causing her hand to slide to rest on his chest. Harry closed his eyes as the heat of her palms radiated through his shirt.

"Guess we got carried away huh?" he injected into the silence permeating the room. Her lips curled into a smile and Harry relaxed, thankful she didn't shut her emotions away completely.

"We seemed to be getting carried away a lot?" she responded smiling fully now which Harry returned, his eyes soften with warmth. As of realizing her state of undress as well as their current position Hermione pushed lightly at his chest, "but now I have to get finished dressing or I am going to be late".

Harry helped her down from the counter, still reeling from what just occurred between the two of them. He had a feeling they would be great together but the sparks that flew blew everything out of the water. He kissed her softly again before letting her get back to herself although reluctantly and left. He had always wanted her but he blamed this morning on finding her half naked and practically glowing in her sixth month of pregnancy. A smile was still playing on his lips when Harry returned to the present very much leaning towards the temptation of wanting to finish what they started earlier.

He was brought fully back into the present when an unknown gray owl fluttered onto his desk holding a greasy fold of parchment. Harry cautiously untied the letter from the creature's legs and the bird took off immediately. How was he supposed to send a reply now that she flew away? He shook his head and infolded the parchment. There wasn't much written on it but a messy sentence, smeared and a little hard to read but Harry got the message clearly and its meaning made his heated blood run cold in is veins giving his body and icy chill.

_I will take her away from you too Potter._

There was no name on the letter but he didn't need one to know exactly who he was. Harry had thought he died. After what happened to Ron, Harry hadn't thought much about him surviving and he hadn't given him a second thought. But now Lestrange has made himself the forefront of Harry's thought as a result of a few words. His fingers crumbled the piece of parchment so forcefully that his knuckles looked as if they were going to split though his skin. He wasn't going to get a chance to get next to Hermione. He couldn't save Ron but he'd be dame of that bastard got anywhere close to the woman he loved.

--------

"We need to find him, the sooner the better", Harry said to his boss as he pointed to the magical photo of Bellatrix's husband. After reading the note Harry had debated whether to ask Creswell for advice on how to handle it. By making it priority, maybe catching him would be easier, "I would like to make this my main concern right now sir, if you don't mind. I will still do my other job but Abigail can handle most of it".

"May I ask why catching this particular man is important Potter", Creswell stated even though phrased it in a question, "they are other more high risk cases out there that need you attention".

"I know that sir but this holds as much risk as those", Harry stated firmly, "he is the one that killed Ron and I thought he died as well that day but obviously I was wrong and now he is threatening someone I love and I won't let him get away with him".

"Look Potter", the older man began shifting in his seat, "I know this is personal but I can't have you wasting time on it when you can be doing something more productive".

"Whether you give me permission or not sir", Harry held his ground, "I will pursue this. I was just telling you out of respect". They two of them continued to stare at each other but his boss gave in, after seeing the fire in his eyes and nodded agreement.

"Very well but I need my cases to be down with the same dedication", Creswell said dismissing Harry as he went back to his workload. Harry murmured his thanks and made his way back to his office. He needed to find where the letter came from but Lestrange could have already disappeared again. How could he have been so reckless and not follow up on him. _At the time you had a dead friend to worry about and his grieving widow._ But that wasn't a good enough excuse and now Hermione and her baby were in danger.

"Harry!" He stopped in his trek back to his office when he heard the familiar voice call out for him. He turned around to see Hermione walking towards or one could say waddling towards him. A grin spread over his face as she got closer, she always managed to make him smile. He kissed her cheeks lightly when she stood in front of him while he placed a hand on her elbow.

"Hey, took you long enough to walk towards me", he joked trying to get the letter out of his mind. He swatted is chest laughing at his words.

"Not funny Potter", she replied as they continued walking to his office, "so are you free for dinner at my parents tonight? I know you have a lot going on but I was hoping you can come along and maybe convince my mom that I am fine".

"Oh, sorry Mione, but I have to work late today", he apologized squeezing her hand. The sooner he got a head start on Lestrange the better, "I would love to but I just got a new case". It wasn't exactly a lie.

"That's ok", she murmured a little too brightly for his taste, "I understand, maybe another night then".

The moment they stopped into his office Harry braced her against the door and kissed her as he intertwined their fingers at her sides. He nibbled along her lower lips before smoothing his tongue over it and he was kissing her again, "I promise I'll make it up to you ok. Just promise me you will be careful, not just going to your parents but in general ok?"

"Harry I am always careful", she replied a frown appeared between her brows, "what brought this on. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is fine Mione". He smile reassuringly down at her but he knew she didn't believe him, "I just want you to be safe, that's all".

"Ok", she acquiesced still doubtfully looking at him, "but when you are ready to tell me what's really going on…" she trailed off and he nodded. She kissed him on the cheek just as she did the ending of fourth year and left him staring at her retreating back. He ran his hand roughly his hair and went off in search of Abby. She could help him locate where the owl came from, it wasn't much but it was a start.

That night when Harry let himself into his home, nothing but silence greeted him, guess Hermione was still at her parents. As foolish as it sounded he missed her, even thought he saw her before she left for hr parents. Whenever she wasn't with him Harry felt empty, like a part of him was missing. He slowly made his way upstairs and shrugged out of his robes and Hermione's scent assaulted his senses when he stepped into the bathroom. She wasn't physically there but her presence was definitely lingering. Abby had managed to come up with a lead just near the area where Lestrange had lured Harry and Ron but he wasn't there when Harry arrive, surprise there.

After his shower Harry dressed in pair of sweats and made his way back downstairs. He was tired and sleepy but he wanted to wait up for Hermione as well. He summoned a butterbeer and settled into the couch after taking a sip of the cold liquid. He closed his eyes, telling himself he would just take a couple minutes nap but that turned into a deep sleep. He was jolted awake when the front door opened a few hours later and the familiar scent of Hermione filtered up in nostrils. Harry rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes and sat up making room for her on the couch.

"Hey, hard day?" she asked sitting next to him and he drew her in his arms, patting her belly as a way of saying hello to the baby. She sighed and leaned into his warm body, relaxing completely.

"Yeah, you can say that", he replied, lazily drawing circles on her hips, "but now that you are here, I'm feeling much better. How was dinner with your parents?"

"It was fine", she replied simply then added quietly, "my mom wants me to spend the remaining of my pregnancy with her. She calls it bonding and she said she would feel better knowing I would be a normal hospital and someone to always be there for me incase anything happened".

"Really?" was all he said. He didn't want her to leave. Things were finally getting into a routine between them and he didn't want to give that up, no matter how selfish he sounded, "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I had the Weasleys. They can visit anytime they wanted but I wasn't going to leave", Hermione murmured, "and I told them about us. That I was living with you and everything was going to be ok because I have you to look out for me". She looked up and smile at her last words.

"So they're ok with you and me", he said hesitantly, "I mean I know that your dad gave Ron a little hard time in the beginning but he was just being protective of you".

"I didn't tell them we were together, just that we were living together", she cleared up, "but I think my mom figured it out and my parents love you Harry".

"Yeah but this time is different", he exclaimed, "then I was just your friend. Now it looks like I'm the guy who made a pass at his deceased best friend wife who may be pregnant – I mean who is pregnant with their child", he rephrased quickly hoping she didn't catch his change of words.

She turned in his arms, looking him straight in the eyes, "Harry my parents would never judge you like that. I know we are in a weird situation but I want this to work between us, so we need to be positive". She sounded so much like the Hermione back at Hogwarts that Harry couldn't help but smile. He should have been the one trying to appease her not the other way round.

"Your right", he replied and kissed her sweetly. I love you was on the tip of his tongue but he held the words in. He hadn't said it to her since the morning of her birthday not because he didn't want to. He was just waiting for her to say it before he said it again.

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	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 17**

"Harry", he looked up to see Abby standing at the door and she didn't have to say it because he already knew what she was about to say, "We got him". The words washed over him. For the past week he had been working non stop, searching for the bastard. He had lost weight, there were bags under his eyes and he was tired but none of it mattered because now they had him and he was trying to suppress his anger for the man but he couldn't. He had promised to take care of her, to look out for her and to protect her but he failed and Rodolphus Lestrange had used it against him and strike taking Hermione along with him. The guilt, pain and anger had begun to take a toll on him but he never gave up and now it had paid off.

He had left work late that night. All he wanted to do was catch him but he was too late. Harry had arrived to an eerily quiet home only to find Hermione lying on the floor in the kitchen, her head in a puddle on blood. At first he had just stood there, paralyzed with shock as his eyes took in the scene but the panic had set in and Harry lost all control as he rushed to her side, his hands touching her face, her shoulder trying to get her to wake up. He had whispered her name over and over again as his mind screamed that she wasn't dead, that she couldn't be dead. The blood was pounding furiously in his veins and Harry somehow managed to floo Ginny and have her come over to help him. They had gotten Hermione to St. Mungo's and they healers had rushed to her because she was pregnant. She had been unconsciousness then and she was still unconsciousness. The healer said everything was fine but they couldn't figure out why she wasn't waking up and they assumed that she would when her subconscious connected back to the world.

It was when he went back to the house after the crimson blood was wiped cleaned that Harry saw the note. _She isn't going to die, at least not yet. _The image of her lying on the floor taunted and tormented him every moment since it happened. Her parents were staying with him for now and her mom never left her bedside. Harry felt the anger course through his body as he stood up and followed Abigail to the room where they held him. With his hand on the knob Harry took a deep breath and turned it only to be stopped by a hand on his arm.

"I know you are feeling a lot right now Harry but don't do something you are going to regret", she said uneasily, "think about Hermione ok?" Think about Hermione? That was all he had been thinking about but he didn't say anything and just nodded. He watched her walk away and finally entered the room, coming face to face with a smirking Rodolphus Lestrange. Harry hands fisted at his sides as they itched to wrap themselves around his scrawny throat. He was the reason Hermione was in the hospital, he was the reason her baby was in danger and all Harry could think about was hurting him. Make him feel a fraction of the pain and anguish that was rolling around inside him.

"So how's you pregnant girlfriend Potter", he snarled at Harry as he stood before him, "are you going to thank me, I didn't kill her unlike your red hair friend. It's your entire fault you know. I have nothing else going for me and I just wanted to hurt you, have some fun, for you to know what it's like as I told you before, to loose the one you love but I guess now you will find out".

"She's going to be fine", Harry said tightly. She has to be, "but you won't know that because this is the last day you will be out with the living. The dementor would very much like to make living arrangements for you Lestrange so I know you will be comfortable".

"Really, that's why you are here", he added mockingly, "to send me off. My my you are gracious Mr. Potter and I underestimated you control. I figured with the love of your life in such dire circumstances and the fact I killed your friend you would want to return the favor".

"I wouldn't grant you pleasure", Harry replied even though he wanted to contradict the statement, "I just wanted to see the pathetic man you have become but then again you always were since even your wife didn't want you". Harry watched the lips compressed in a tight line. Harry leaned forward and spread his palm on the steel table, "hurts doesn't it? But I swear to you if Hermione doesn't make it out if this, you won't have to worry about living with those dementors because the death you seem so excited to seek unity with may actually happen and I will find a way to make it worst than having your soul sucked out of your body".

Harry took pleasure in his reaction as Rodolphus face lost a bit of its color making him paler if that was possible and his smirk disappeared completely. He continued to glare at him for a few more minutes before tearing out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He had kept his cool and didn't kill the bastard but all the emotion was still roaring inside of him and he slammed his fist into the wall. Pain shot up his arm but he did feel better about the release of emotion as the anger drained out of his body. He took a deep breath and watched as two other Aurors and Abigail took Lestrange from the room and prepared to transfer him to Azkaban. That place wasn't bad enough for him in Harry's opinion.

"You ok?" Abigail asked coming up next to him. Was he ok, no he was far from ok? The only way things were going to be ok was if Hermione woke up and he didn't know when that was going to happen.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine", he muttered and brushed past her. She had been a great friend throughout all of this and he was grateful but she wasn't what he needed right now. He needed to get out of here and go see Hermione, because that was the only thing that was going to calm him down now. Other times he was uncomfortable seeing her but that was because Lestrange was still out there but now Harry could relax a bit knowing he was caught, "I'll see you later".

It took a few minutes to get there. Harry walked down the starch white hallways of St. Mungo's as he made his way to Hermione's room. Merlin he hated hospital, he always had but it seems that these day he was spending too much time in them. As he approached her room, the quiet murmurs of Mrs. Granger and reached his ears. They were all worried about her. Ginny and stopped by earlier and Hermione's father was standing behind her mom, resting hand on her shoulder. His heart ached at the sight of her lying so venerable on the bed with her hands stretched out at her sides. He could feel his eyes moisten but he fought back the tears, now was not the time to be weak.

"Harry dear", Molly said, drawing all the other occupants' eyes to his form standing by the door, "how long have you been standing there".

"Not long", his replied included all of them, "I just wanted to come see how she was doing, any changes". He had hoped to see her awake and sitting up, chatting away with her parents.

"Not yet", Mr. Granger replied and squeezed his wife's shoulder as a tiny sob escaped her lips, "but the healer said her vitals are up so that's a good sign".

Harry nodded and remained standing. He had wanted to spend some time alone with Hermione but he didn't want to seem rude by asking her parent and Molly to leave. Hermione's mom must have seen the indecision on his face because she stood up saying that they were going to get some coffee but Molly said the hospital food wasn't good at all and invited them to the Burrow. Harry agreed to meet them there with any news and they all left him alone with Hermione. He stood briefly at the foot of her bed just gazing down at her. She looked like she was sleeping and would wake up any moment now but she wasn't.

Harry sat in the chair her mom vacated and grasped her hand in his. He brought their join hands to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss on the back of her cool hand. He loved her so much and Harry knew she couldn't loose her. Without Hermione his life meant very little, it meant nothing at all. He missed her bossiness, her laugh, her smile and he just missed her. Throughout his life, a lot of people he loved died but Hermione was always there for him if he ever needed her but if he lost her he wasn't sure how he would cope with that loss or if he would cope at all without her in his life.

"They finally caught him Mione", he said quietly rubbing her hair gently, "we finally caught him so he can't hurt you anymore. Now all you have to do is wake you for me ok. You parents and the Weasley's need you to, I need you too so much. You are everything to me Hermione and I won't let you give up ok. Our baby is going to need you to take care of her because I am just going to spoil her rotten".

He smiled softly at his own words, "you can't leave me too you hear me. I love you so much and I promise you when you wake up I'll tell you everything ok. Just do, I need to see you beautiful eyes smiling back at be". He continued talking to her in low tones constantly touching her.

-------

_Hermione felt like she was floating. It was like there was no gravity to keep her grounded thus the feeling of weightlessness. Her eyes flickered open only to be blinded by the white light surrounding her. She blinked furiously trying to see clearly as she slowly stood up, nothing but vast whiteness encompassed her as she looked around. Where was she? The last thing she remembered was standing in Harry's kitchen before she felt a pressure at the back of head and then nothing but blackness. _

_She walked forward hoping that something would change, a sign would appear to indicate where she was or what she was doing here. Hermione looked down, seeing herself in a hospital gown and she was barefooted. What the hell was going on? She paused and turned around as when she heard a rustle of noise. Someone else was there. At first she couldn't make out who it was but a pair of shoulder emerged from the mist then a neck and then a face with a crown of red hair appeared with the rest of the body. A face she knew very well for it was none other that her dead husband Ron Weasley._

_Hermione stood immobile as her eyes locked onto his baby blues filled with the humor she had always seen in them. How was this possible? Ron was dead. There was no way this was possible, it had to be a dream or she had to be dead. The latter reasoning shifted her thought to Harry; he must be out of his mind with worrying? Hermione cautiously took a few steps towards a grinning Ron but as she got closer her pace increased until she was wrapped snugly in his embrace. He felt so real to her, everything felt too real. Without even realizing it, Hermione suddenly felt tears rolling down her face as she continued to hold him._

"_Ron", she said frantically running her hands over his body, "how is this possible? Am I dead?" She asked her eyes roaming his face._

"_You aren't dead love, you're very much alive?" he replied. He sounded the same. She still couldn't believe it, "Merlin I missed you so much"._

"_I missed you too Ron", she said tearfully holding onto him, "so much has happened since you died and I have been so confused about everything. And I pregnant, you're going to be a father, can you believe it. Why did you have to leave me Ron, you promised me forever". _

"_It was my time go and you aren't alone and that's great news love", he replied smoothing her hair, "but you have to wake up to experience that part of life Hermione. So many people love you and are waiting for you to wake up"._

"_But I don't even remember how I got here, if I'm not dead I have to be dreaming?" she asked, "why are you here?"_

"_You need to let go of me Hermione", Ron said, "I loved my life and I was happy because I had you but you have to let go of that life so you can truly be happy with Harry. He loves you so much but you are holding back because you think its wrong and its not. It's ok for you to move on Hermione. I need you to so life doesn't pass you by and you're just stuck in a moment watching it go by"._

'_I know you are confuse right but the best is yet to come", he smiled sadly, "Harry is going to be a great father and you guys are going to have a long good life together but that can only happen if you give into what you feeling and accept that Harry loves you, he always had. I was so in love with you that I failed to see what it was doing to out best friend. When things get rough between you just remember he had your best interest at heart ok. Can you promise me that? Can you promise me that you will live you life and only remember the good times we had?"_

'_I promise", she whispered and she hugged him again. Ron kissed her hair and released her, stepping away from. Hermione could feel herself being pulled back into a vortex of time, whirling around slowly and gradually picking up speed. She shouted his name but he only smiled, his blue eyes twinkling._

"_I love you Hermione", she barely heard him over the noise in her ears, "and tell Harry that I wasn't his fault and that I forgive him for everything"._

Hermione's eyes popped open and for a few moments she couldn't figure what really just happened. She was talking to Ron, she saw, touch him. He had been real, she knew it. Her eyes trailed from the cracked ceiling to the young man sleeping in the chair beside her bed, his hand grasping hers possessively. He looked exhausted with his robes were wrinkled and he had dark smudges beneath his eyes. His glasses were slightly crooked and Hermione didn't even have to imagine what he had been going through or how much he blamed himself. Everything that she and Ron talked about came rushing back to her all at once. Her heart fluttered as her observed him. He had been so good to her, patient and understanding and always putting her well being in front of himself. That was one of the things she loved most about him, he was so selfless in his actions.

These past few months had been weird and confusing but only because she was holding back a part of herself as Ron said. It had gotten better, she was comfortable with him and he always made her feel wanted but guilt had always accompanied her actions. She had pushed it away because she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had but in reality she was hurting herself. Preventing herself from really being happy. She had a good life with Ron but when she was with Harry, it was like she was a different person but in a good way.

It was time to stop hiding, stop holding back. She deserved to be happy and so did Harry, after everything he had been through. She twisted her hand beneath his and watched him slowly begin to wake. Their eyes met and she watched his gorgeous boyish smile take over his features before his blinked a couple times when he realized she was actually awake.

"Hermione!"

For a moment Harry thought he was still sleeping, dreaming that Hermione was awake. But the warm pressure of her hand on top of his assured him that this was definitely not a dream. He sat forward in his chair grasping her hand more firmly as his eyes roam her smiling features while he gently touched her face. She was awake; everything was going to be ok now.

"Hey", he whispered, emotion chocking his voice as he continued to stare at her. Harry brought his free hand and caressed her cheek tenderly as if he was afraid she would break, "how are you feeling?"

"Fine", she replied, her voice raspy from sleep, "what happened? How long have I been in here?" Harry's expression tightened as he suddenly remembered everything that had happened in the past few days.

"You have been in here for the past week", he said quietly rubbing her knuckles, "you were attacked by Bellatrix's husband. He was the one that came after me and Ron that day but he's lock up now, so you don't have to worry about him?"

"Was that why you told me to be more careful", she asked looking closely at him and Harry felt the guilt bubble inside him again.

"Yeah", he said, "I thought I could catch him but I should have been looking out for you not going after him. Maybe then you wouldn't have ended up in here, endangering yourself and the baby".

"You were doing what you thought was right Harry", she replied softly bring her hand to his cheek, smoothing away his pain, "you couldn't have know he would get me when I was home".

"But I should have taken better precaution Hermione", he argued fervently, "you have no idea what it was like finding you on the floor; it was like my heart was ripped out of my body. I promised Ron I would take care of you, protect you and all I managed to do since he died was hurt you. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you, both of you", he placed his hand on her stomach indicating to the baby.

"You can't always be there for us Harry", she appeased him, "I'm fine now and I'm sorry for making you worried. Now you know what it was like for me when you always went off and did something without thinking".

"This is different Hermione", he said, appreciating her humor, "you could have died and it would have been my fault. I should have made sure he was gone after what happened to Ron but I failed to do my job".

Hermione shifted on the bed and sat up, bracing herself on the pillows. She patted the space next to her and Harry sat beside her, "Harry your job isn't to protect me ok. I know you have this hero complex but that isn't what I need".

"Then what do you need from me Hermione", he asked moving closer to her, "if I can protect the ones I care about then what's the point?"

"All I need Harry is for you to be there for me, just like I am for you", she replied and Harry stayed silent letting her finish talking, "and all I need is you love".

"You have my love Hermione", he murmured huskily hoping that she would indicate her feelings, "you have always had my love and my heart and you always will. There isn't another person in this world who could possibly take that away from you". He dipped his head and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. He felt her sigh against his mouth as her hand came up caressing his cheek lovingly.

He pulled away, their faces a few inches apart. Hermione was looking at him with a new emotion shining from her chocolate depths that made his heart race. He held his breath, hoping against hope that he wasn't imagining it. She had never looked at him like that before; yeah her eyes soften whenever they gaze met but this time. This time the way she was looking at him, was the closest thing to love he had ever experience in her eyes. He had waited for this for so long that it was almost unbelievable. Hermione loved him, she may not have said it out loud but he could feel it and see it in her eyes.

"Harry-"

"Ah Miss Granger, you're finally awake", they were jolted back to reality as the healer came into the room. Harry but back his frustrated groan at the interruption, what was she about to say? But then he realized he should have alerted the healer the moment Hermione had woken up and he wanted to hex himself for his lapse in judgment, "how are you feeling".

"Better actually and a little hungry". Harry stepped back and watched him run his wand over Hermione's body casting a light glow as his hand moved, "you gave us quite a scare there. Everything seems fine with you and your healthy baby but let's take a closer look". He circled the want around Hermione swollen tummy encasing it in a warm golden light as the soft sound of a rapid heartbeat filled the air along with Hermione's.

Harry paused at the thumbing of the little heartbeat and felt his heart warm with love. He eyes captured Hermione's and they shared a small smile. He stepped to the other side of her bed and grasped her hand in his as they listened to the healthy beating, "well the baby seemed to be doing as good as ever", the healer said taking in the closeness of the couple, "I see no reason for your condition this past couple of days because you seem healthy as ever Miss. Granger but if you experience any unusual feeling let me know".

"Ok and thank you", Hermione murmured as the healer left the room. Harry heaved a relieved sigh, finally relaxing now that he knew for sure that Hermione was ok. She looked up at him smiling and he knew even before she said it.

"Ready to go?" he asked and she nodded. Harry helped her off the bed, took her change of clothes from her bag and handed it to her. She muttered thanks and pulled on her shirt while Harry helped her with her skirt. He kept the gown covering her body modestly until he she was fully dressed not because he hadn't seen her in less but because he didn't think he would be able to control his hands. He hadn't been to hold her for the past week and he was more than willing now to make up for the lost time even though she had just woken up. _How pathetic can you be Potter? _He was taking her to the Burrow since her parents were already there.

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Harry closed his eyes and tilted his face to the sky with his arms spread out along the bench. He relished the feel of the cool wind against his face as it ruffled his hair, bringing the scent of the flowers in Mrs. Weasley's garden. The night was a clear one and the twinkling balls of fire shone at their best at the moment with the moon reflecting its own pale light. He took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air, rejuvenating his body. The night was quiet except for the quiet chirping of the creatures of the nighttime. It was always is peaceful here, one of the advantage of being the only house for a couple of miles. It had been a few hours since he and Hermione came back from St. Mungo's and Harry made use of the escape after everyone focused on Hermione.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly mindful of his glasses. These past couple of days had been some of the worst of his life, he had held in all the emotions running through his body but now Harry just let go. The tiredness returned with a vengeance making him feel weak and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed with Hermione and sleep the night away. But that wasn't going to happen until her parents and the Weasleys were convinced she as ok. For the first time, Harry finally let himself relax and not worry about anything. Hermione was fine and that was all that mattered. He had told her parents about their change in status and to his surprise her mom had actually smile. Hermione had been right she had figured it out. Her dad on the other hand had been less indulgent but he had finally warmed up to Harry as not just being his little's girl best friend. Harry had a little taste of what Ron went through.

The moment they shared in the hospital flashed through his mind. She was going to tell him something before the healer had walked in and he wanted to know what it was but Hermione made no attempt to finish whatever it was she was going to say. It was like she had forgotten about it but the weird thing was, she was acting more freely around him. She had opened up more to him aver the past few weeks but ever since she woke her, she had no hesitation in showing her affection for him. She had even kissed him, however briefly, in front of her parents. It was both happy and a little intrigued about her actions but he wasn't complaining.

"Thought you might be thirsty?" Harry looked up to see Ginny offering a bottle of butterbeer. He took the bottle from her and moved over, giving her ample space to sit down, "hiding away I see".

"Not hiding", he replied smiling, "just getting away from the noise. You guys can be a little loud sometimes and I think you have corrupted the Grangers", he joked making her grin.

"We are a happy bunch aren't we?" Ginny added, "but things have simmered down, my mom figured Hermione had enough excitement for a while and now they having a late dinner, so how you holding up?"

"I'm relieved that's about sums it up", he replied taking a swig from the bottle. Ginny nodded knowing how he felt, "Hermione's seems to be doing better now".

"Things had been getting better before the accident", Harry filled in, "and since she woke up, I know it was only this afternoon, but she had been more relaxed with how she normally is with me. I am glad that she is but I just want to know what brought it on".

"Maybe she realized that she needed to accept life and move on", Ginny replied, "maybe something happened when she was asleep to make her change her mind".

"Maybe", he said distractively catching sight a two gnomes creating havoc in the garden, the pale moonlight gave a silhouette of their moving forms, "whatever it was I'm glad either way. So how have you been, we haven't talked in a while".

"I'm doing fine", she said but Harry could hear some excitement in her voice. He looked sideways at her with an expectant expression waiting for her to spill, "I tired out for chaser for the Harpies last week and I got the spot!"

"Wow Gin!" He exclaimed genuinely happy for her and gave her a half hug, "congratulation, that's great". She had always been great on their house team and Harry had no doubt that she was going to be great, "your parents must be really proud of you".

"Yeah they are", she said smiling broadly, "I can't wait to start, its going to be so much fun doing something I love for a living. We start practice next week so it should be exciting".

"Look at you all excited", Harry tease nudging her shoulder playfully, "now I can get free tickets for life".

"Like you wouldn't get free tickets now if you wanted", she came back with and Harry laughed heartedly. He took another gulp from the bottle as they sat in comfortable silence. He had briefly considered a career as a professional player and he occasionally wonder if his life would have been different. But after the war, an Auror was a sure thing for him. He rather enjoyed playing at his leisure than having it as a job, no matter how fun it would be to do that for a living.

Their companion silence was broken when Hermione appeared by a few feet away from them. His lips curled into a grin immediately at the sight of her as his a million snitches were fluttering at the pit of his stomach. She never failed to take his breath away and this time wasn't an exception, wherever she was around, everything else faded into the background.

"Hey guys", she said as she reached them, "your mom's looking for you Gin and congratulation on becoming a Harpies". Ginny murmured her thanks and the women hugged each other in good nature. Harry took her by the elbows when Ginny left and guided her to sit on his legs; he needed to have her close to him. Hermione in turned slid her arms around his neck.

"You doing ok?" he asked breathing in her calming scent. He was surprised just how much he missed tiny details like that, "they didn't tire you out did they?"

"No they didn't and I feel ok, are you going to ask me that every two minutes now?" she asked teasingly and Harry just shrugged his shoulders indicating he was undecided about that fact. She was doing better now but Hermione had been unconsciousness for a week and he wasn't going to take that lightly. Hermione began nibbling on her lower and Harry knew she had something on her mind that she wanted to divulge. He turned her in his arms so that he could look her directly in the eyes silently telling her to go ahead with it.

"I saw Ron", Harry stared at her wondering if he heard her correctly, "I mean I dreamed him, it was so surreal though. It was just before I woke up, he said that I needed to let go of him. Basically that it was time to stop feeling guilty and really move on with my life. Ever since we got together I have been keeping a part of myself locked away because I though that we wouldn't work out. Ron promised that he wouldn't leave but he did and I wasn't going to set myself up for another hurt again, even thought I pretended otherwise".

"Hermione I would never break my promise to you", he managed to say as his mind tried to absorb her words.

"I know that now Harry and now I am going to stop hiding what I really feel and have a life with you", she whispered meeting his eyes and Harry swallowed hard, "I really want this to work, not because of my dream but because I know now that being with you was something that I have always thought about, even subconsciously but I kept telling myself it was wrong. I was always supposed to be with Ron and you with Ginny. But I realize nothing is written, we write the pages of our books everyday based on the choices we make and I chose you. You asked me if I can let go of Ron and be happy again and I can Harry".

She said it with so much warmth that Harry had no choice but to believe her. His lips stretched into a wide grin and he closed the distance between them and kissed her sweetly but passionately on the lips, "that's good because I choose you too. So did he say anything else to you?"

"He did", she murmured resting hand on her bulging stomach, "he said that you should stop blaming yourself and that he forgives you for everything, whatever that means". She didn't but Harry had a good idea dream Ron was talking about him sleeping with Hermione and practically knocking her up. His body tense but Harry tried to act normal as to not alarm her.

"You don't still blame yourself for his death, do you?" she asked softly threading her fingers through his hair, "I know we talked about this already but I hope you're not Harry, it wasn't your fault".

"I know that Mione", he replied with a tiny smile, "and I have accepted that". She nodded and muttered good before placing her head between the crevice of his neck and shoulders. _Why can't you just tell her, she'll understand_, "Hermione there something I have to tell you".

She squeezed his hand telling him to go ahead, that she was listening. But before he could finish what he started the kitchen door open letting the warm glow filter through the doorway and her parents stepped out with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. He knew that now wasn't going to be a good time as Hermione smiled apologetically at him and stood up, pulling him along in her parents' direction.

"Honey we are going to get home", her mom said hugging her, "now that we know everything is ok, my mind is at ease". Harry watched her say goodbye to her parents and he shook their hand in goodbye and waited outside as Hermione led them back inside to use the floo. Maybe this was a sign to not tell her yet or not tell her at all but Harry didn't know how long he could keep it from her. However he knew it wouldn't have to keep it a secret forever if the baby turned out to be his.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 18**

Harry stared out the window of the kitchen as raindrops pelted against the roof of the house. The sky light up as a bolt of lighting broke thought the clouds following the resounding clash of thunder. It had been raining all afternoon and it carried through the night increasing steadily. It had woken up from a nightmare and he couldn't go back to sleep. He had no idea what bough it on but Harry blamed it on is guilty conscience and the dream was still murky even with his eyes wide open. He took a sip of water and the lights flickered momentarily before it went out plunging the entire house and himself into total darkness. _That's just great. _He placed the glass in the sink and felt his way around the counter searching blindly for his wand; it took a few seconds before light shone from the tip, shadowing a passage for him to get back to his warm bed with and equally warm body in it.

Ever since Hermione was released from the hospital Harry had made sure he was with her as much as he could be. Even though Rodolphus was locked up it didn't cause any harm to be more cautious. He was still battling with the decision to tell her but he had overhear her and Ginny talking about how glad she was that she had a part of Ron with her, now that he was gone. He had tried, really he had but something always stopped him from telling her the truth and he just gave up.

Hermione had kicked the covers over her body as she flipped into her side; that was the closest she got to sleeping on her belly with one hand under her head. Harry took the moment the study her with no interruptions. Her thick lashes kissed her cheeks lightly and her face was completely relaxed. He lips were parted slightly as she breathed and without even knowing it Harry breathed in synced with her, inhaling as she exhaled. He moved his wand higher as the soft glow softened her features to look almost angelic. He reached out and traced her cheek with the light touch of his fingertips almost feather like before moving his thumb over her pink lips.

Hermione remained oblivious of his actions as she carried on in her slumber. They had been sleeping in the same bed ever since she started sleeping there and that's all they have been doing, sleeping. He loved waking up to her and going to bed with her but it was slowly starting to drive him mental. He had her in his bed and yeah she was more open with her displays of affection but they hadn't succumbed to the passion and desire that was consuming them both. The farthest he had ever gotten was the kiss they shared in the bathroom and his body was protesting, craving and needing more from her.

And with her hormones added into the mix, things weren't getting easier for him at all. How can someone be so close yet so far away at the same time? Harry gave up on his musing and slipped quietly into the bed beside her, trying to not disturb her as he placed his glasses on the stand beside the bed. He pulled the cover over his body and hers before sliding a hand over the curve of her hip to rest on the growing life inside her and dipped his head into the crevice of her neck. He closed his eyes as the baby kicked twice before settling down.

"Harry", he heard her mumbled sleepily as she pressed her back closer to his bare chest and rested a hand on his, "are you ok?"

"I'm fine love", he whispered kissing her soft skin. There was no point troubling her with something he couldn't remember, "go back to sleep".

The next time Harry awoke, he was alone in the bed as pale sunlight flickered through the half closed curtains. He rubbed the sleep out of his gritty eyes and wondered where she had disappeared off to but the sound of the shower running assuaged his fears. The forbidden image of her wet and standing beneath the shower as water cascaded over her body flashed through his mind and all Harry could do was groan in frustration. She was driving him crazy even if she had no idea that she was.

He had was about to get up and escape before she came into the room but Harry heard the shower died down and a vision of Hermione in her infamous fluffy towel filled his sight. Their eyes locked monetarily and he could have sworn electricity zinged between them as his body as hummed with shockwaves of desire. On their own accord his gazed dropped to her pouty lips, down to where droplets of water were sliding down the length of her neck, over the tantalizing glimpse of her cleavage momentarily before meeting her eyes again. Her dark, dilated eyes that were beckoning to him like a beacon. He saw her throat worked sensually as she swallowed and Harry mimicked her actions in desperate need to fill his lungs with oxygen and cleared his throat.

He untangled his body from the sheets and got up hoping she hadn't seen his painful reaction to her. Hermione remained immobilize as he got up and moved towards her. He couldn't do what his body craved and so he settled for a light kiss, barely brushing his lips against hers, not trusting himself to deepen the kiss. He swore he could hear her heart beating away in rhythm with his and he forced himself to pull back and smile down at her.

"Good morning", he said gratingly trying to diffuse the tension encompassing them, "how did you sleep?"

"Better than I had in a while", she murmured clutching the knot of her towel, "you? I felt you get up for while. Did you have another nightmare?"

"No" he fibbed giving into desire and touched her bare shoulders and heat shot up his arm, "I slept like a baby as I always do when you're here with me. I just needed a glass of water".

"Ok", she replied quietly, "well I need to get dress so-"

"Yeah I need to shower as well", Harry added and kissed her again, a little longer than before and he moved to start getting ready for his day and what a long one it was going to be.

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For the next two weeks Harry's time with Hermione became limited, not because he wanted to avoid her but because his position as an Auror demanded his attention. Since he had neglected in a way his other cases before Lestrange had be captured he needed to get up to speed. In a way he was thankful for the distance because all he could think about when he and Hermione were in the same room was how much he wanted her. He had to fight the desire to do exactly that and then he was get angry at himself for wanting her. That would cause tension to simmer between them and what made things worst was that Harry had a feeling Hermione knew exactly why he was acting like he was.

He paused at the entrance of his doorway letting the cool wind whip around him. The whether was gradually changing becoming colder as they days went by. At the moment Harry welcomed it. She was in there as she always was but something was holding him back, stopping him from crossing the threshold into his own house. _You really are loosing it Potter. If you keep this up Hermione will definitely take matters into her own hands. _He berated himself for his childish actions and entered the house. His eyes adjusted to the dim lights casting a glow around the interior of the living room and his brows knotted in confusion. Usually the lights would be on and Hermione would be on the couch or in the kitchen. Her cooking had improved drastically with the help of Molly and Harry was very thankful for that.

Harry hung his coat next to hers and made his way further into the house. The faith scent of lavender and something he couldn't pinpoint but was very familiar wafted over him as he stood in the middle of the living. His eyes darted around for any sign of her presence but found none except her coat hanging next to his. A slight thumping from above alerted Harry that he wasn't alone and he gaze moved to the stairs winding upstairs, he moved without hesitation and ascended the steps. His bedroom door was slight ajar and as Harry got closer and closer his heart best increased to a point where it was thumping loudly in is ears. The house was in complete darkness except for the faint candle light.

With his heart racing away and his hands becoming sweaty Harry slowly pushed the door opened only to be greeted with a sight that rendered him speechless and his mind void of all thoughts. He swallowed hard and his grip on the doorknob tightened automatically as his blood boiled like liquid fire in is veins. Hermione stood at the edge of the bed in the mist of the candle glow, making her look nothing sort of perfection as the light flicker over her features. Her hair was loose over her shoulders with a few tendrils framing her delicate face and she wore nothing but a magically enhanced version of his Quidditch jersey to adapt to her pregnancy. Her hands were interlocked at her waist and her brown eyes glowed at the clashed with his. This image was something that would be branded in his mind for forever.

Merlin she looked beautiful. He knew it sounded cliché but he had no others words to describe just how perfect she looked to him at this moment. He creamy skin of her legs taunted him and teased his senses as he eyes roamed her body hungrily. Harry caught the slight movement of her slender throat as she swallowed what he knew was nervousness as he closed the bridged distance between them one step at a time. Her scent sent his senses into overload when nothing but a few inches separated their bodies. The heat radiating from her body mingled with his and Harry resisted the urge to take her right there and then.

"Hermione", her name came out as a ragged whisper and her eyes flickered to his. Harry inhaled deeply bringing all that was Hermione with him, "what is all of this". The question sounded stupid even to him as she saw her flinch slightly.

"I", she began with a desperate note in her voice for him to understand, "I thought that this was what you wanted. With how things have been between us lately, I just – I knew this was going to become an issue and it's not fare for you to not expect this aspect of out relationship".

Harry stood surprise when she finished talking. He didn't really expect to answer him but this was definitely not what he expected to hear her say. _She is standing before you in nothing but you're shirt and you didn't expect this! _He kept on staring at her until tow spots of color filled her cheeks. Hermione rested her hands on his stomach and the heat from her palms seared his skin. He closed his eyes at the contact; he didn't know how long he could continue to resist her. The soft brush of her lips over his made his body melt a little into hers and Harry hands reached for her hips immediately before he pressed harder, deepening the kiss until her sweet tongue slid tentatively over his.

Harry responded by grasping her shoulders and molding her upper body into his. The sweet slid of her tongue against his added to the moment and Harry pressed her harder, deepened the kiss, taking all that she was offering. His hands itched to roam her silky smooth skin getting acquainted with every dip and curve of her amazing body. He wanted to find all the spots that made her whimpered in pleasure as they journeyed towards fulfillment but the slight tense quiver of her body made him re think every image flashing through his mind. She was willing to give herself to him whether she was ready for that step or not and his love for her expanded in his chest.

\

He wanted her so much but not like this. Harry gently pulled away from her as their eyes met and emotions sizzled between them. His hand trailed over the expanse of her neck and traced the pulse beating rapidly at the base. A soft whimper escaped her lips and Harry's body tightened in response. She broke eyes contact and reached for the hem of her jersey, making to move to heave it over her body. Harry reflectively reached for her wrist, stopping her movement; he couldn't let her do this out of obligation. It didn't matter how much his body yearned for hers especially at this precise moment, he wouldn't let her do this as a sacrifice. Hermione's baffled eyes came up to his darkened green ones, silently pleading for an answer to his actions.

"Harry, what is it?" The insecurity in her voice pierced his heart, "I thought this is what you wanted. Is it because I'm pregnant, is that why you don't want me", she was close to tears now as she rushed on. She released her clothing and averted her eyes but he saw the tears in them, tears of embarrassment, "Merlin how could I have been so stupid enough to think you would want someone who looked like me".

"Hermione", he rasped talking her trembling figure by the shoulders, "you looked beautiful, whether pregnant or not. You have always been beautiful to me and always will be". She still didn't look at him, "I do want you. Merlin you have no idea just how much I want you but not like this".

"What do you mean, not like this?" she asked finally meeting his eyes. Harry hated the uncertainty in her chocolate depths and could have kicked himself for making her doubt herself.

"When this does happen Mione, I want it to be because you want it to, not because you think you owe me", Harry murmured softly, "I'm sorry for the way I have been acting but I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way but you aren't ready for this and I'll wait for when things are right. When you are I will be here Hermione".

Her eyes glistened with tears and the tension in her body seeped into the air and dissipated. Harry wrapped his arms around her quivering body as her tears wet his shirt. He heaved a sigh and continued to hold her as he simultaneously tried to hide his response to her. She was offering everything he wanted but he couldn't accept it because he wanted her to want to be with him as much has he wanted her. He wanted her to ached to be one with him as he did for her and most of all he wanted her to love him as much a he loved her but Harry knew no one could love her as much as he did.

Eventfully she calmed down and Harry guided her to the bed and pulled the covers over her body. He sat at the edge of the bed and softly caressed her cheekbone with the back of his hands. He smiled lovingly down at her dipped his head kissing her gently on the forehead and then dropped another one on her stomach, rubbing gently.

"I feel so foolish", she whispered taking his hand in her and giving it a little squeeze, "I just thought-"

"Don't worry about it love", he said dotingly and his lips curled slightly hiding his discomfort, "you'll know when you are ready Mione, there's no need to rush things". He left her then with another kiss and sought refuge in a very much needed cold shower. However the cold water didn't help banish the image of her standing before him in his jersey. He didn't know how long he stayed in there but when the water became a little too cold for him Harry knew it was time to get out before he became wrinkled.

After donning a pair of comfortable sweats Harry made his way back to his room and chanced a peeked at Hermione. She was once again on her side and sleeping soundly. All the candles were blown out and the moonlight provided the only light for his eyes but he didn't need that for him to see her clearly. Her image, especially the one from tonight will forever be etched into his mind. He smiled softly at her before making his way downstairs to the living room where the work he brought home laid forgotten, at least it was until now. Before he got down to work Harry scrambled together a sandwich not feeling very hungry and pulled out the stacks of reports he had to cover.

He would do anything at this moment to get Hermione off his mind and nothing could help accomplished that than these boring reports before him. He had tried to get Abby to do then but he lost the bet and got stuck with it this time. About an hour later, with his tired eyes drooping Harry pushed away the last of his work and stretched out on the couch more than ready to give into the exhaustion creeping into his muscles. The thought of going upstairs and joining Hermione in bed was too much of a temptation but he knew that not a lot of sleep would come his way because of what happened tonight but he didn't want to create more awkwardness between them. Not that there was but Harry didn't think he would be able to just sleep beside her. Was it wrong that he wanted her? Was it wrong that he wanted to go up there and tell her he changed his mind without making her feel as if he was forcing her to do this.

_She offered Potter remember._

_Only because I have been acting like a git lately._

_Is that the best you can come up with, she was standing in your room half naked and you rejected her, that had got to hurt on some level._

_I didn't reject her; I was just making sure she was ready!_

_Yeah keep telling yourself that._

_Oh shut up. _

Harry covered his face with his hands and groaned as Hermione dressed in his Quidditch jersey flashed through his mind. There was no way he could look at her and not want to be with her now. Granted he had always wanted her but now he had a very visual picture to go with along with the first time they had been together to torment him. He hated that he was he was second guessing his decision to wait; maybe he was a coward after all. A part of him was scared that she would miraculously remember that they had slept together and then hate him afterwards. He ran his hands frustratingly through his hair and stood up; nothing was going to be accomplished by arguing with himself.

He slowly made his way up the stairs and towards his bedroom for a second time that night, this time with the same indecision as they first however tamed it was. He took his glasses off and stowed his wand on the table next to the bed before crawling under the cool covers. Hermione had cast a charm over them causing them to alternate according to her body temperature whether she was hot or cold. She immediately turned over and snuggled as close as she could into his body and Harry tensed for a split second before giving into the feeling of her against him. Her warm breath teased his neck but he ignored it the best he could as he wrapped her more securely in his arms. He wasn't sure what was going to happen tomorrow or any other day in the future but she was here now and he couldn't be more thankful for that.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 19 **

Two nights later Harry as quietly as possible slipped through the doors of his home at Godric Hallow. He had stopped by to see teddy after work and then he went over to Grimmauld to check on things. It was really late and he didn't want to disturbed Hermione if she was sleeping on the couch as she sometimes did when he came home late. It was a good feeling having someone at home, waiting for you. As true to his words Harry indeed found her sleeping with her hands thrown protectively over her stomach, Harry smiled softly as his eyes ran over her body. She was really big now. Hermione looked like the baby was more than ready to see the world and he was more than ready to greet the little one whether he was the biological father or not. They had talked about the baby, how good it would be when she finally got there. To be honest Harry was a little excited at the prospect, more so because he would be able to see Hermione being a mother, something he knew she would be brilliant at.

Harry also had no doubt that she had read up on everything she needed to know that wasn't already maternal instinct to her and she was more than prepared to take on the responsibility of another life. He had seen her Teddy and she was great with him and she would be even greater with a child of her own. Not wanting to be totally left out of the loop he had breeze through a few books as well. Harry sighed in contentment and leaned down and smoothed her ruffled hair and placed a tender kiss on her forehead before disappearing up the stairs for a quick shower. He wanted to wash away all the grime and smell off work off his body before he slipped in beside her. After his speedy shower Harry came back downstairs in his full pajamas only to find Hermione sitting up and awake much to his disappointment, he had wanted to pass the night away without waking her up. He knew how she hated waking up after she felt asleep because she would get a little grumpy.

As he approached the couch Harry noticed her hand reaching up to rubbed her shoulders and neck trying to work out the tension knots he knew was there courtesy of her condition on from bending over all day over her work. She had been complaining about the pain there and her lower back and Harry had tried to help ease it but it looks like it was back and with a vengeance. He moved behind the couch and bend forward wrapped his arms around her, resting his hand on her stomach. Hermione didn't react much to his action other than sighing further into him as his lips caressed the crevice between her shoulder and neck.

"Rough night?" he asked pressing his cheek to hers. He would do anything to help ease the discomforts she was going through but all he could do was try and help her in any way he could, "want me to give you a massage?"

"Would you that would be heavenly", Hermione said turning her head to look up at him smiling gratefully. Harry kissed her nose playfully and walked around the couch to sit beside. Hermione shifted giving her back to him and Harry set to work starting with her shoulders. One by one the tense knots loosen but the low moans and groans that accompanied each movement of his hands create a much more painful tension along his body, or mostly in his pants. He ignored them as much as he could and but back his own groan of pleasure or frustration he wasn't sure when Hermione pressed a hand on his thigh, a little too close to his increasing arousal couldn't be stopped. He wasn't sure how this was going to end but Harry couldn't stop his body from reacting to hers. It had only become more difficult to resist her now, "oh Harry that's feel so good", she murmured huskily and Harry bit the inside of his lips so hard he thought he tasted blood.

She dipped her head, providing him with a vast amount of creamy skin along her neck and Harry couldn't resisted the temptation of leaning forwards and kissing the spot. His lips rested momentarily of the hot flesh savoring the feeling before slowly trailing kisses over it. Hermione's hand gripped his thigh harder and as she leaned back into his and Harry slid his hands down her spine to the small of her back before slipping around her waist. Merlin he wanted her so much. They hadn't gone any further than kissing and some light groping and the tension was killing him. He knew he stopped her before but if Hermione gave any sign that she was ready Harry was more than willing to carry through, there would be no holding back this time. All she had to do was give him a sign. With her hand on his leg and his around her middle Harry pressed another heated kiss just behind her ear and down the length of her throat and Hermione turned her face to him. They stared at each other for a passion filled moment before as their labored breathing surrounded them adding more to the moment. Harry eyes flicked to her lips and back to her eyes almost glittering with desire before he closed the distance between them and claimed her lips in a heart stopping kiss.

After what felt like a blissful eternity he felt her lips part slightly and the shy slide of her tongue against the corner of his mouth. He deepened the kiss, nibbling and tasting until his breathing was harsh and ragged and his blood pumped through his veins like liquid fire. He ached to touch her, to caress and explore, but some corner of his mind advised caution. A kiss was one thing, but he knew she wasn't ready for anything else. Harry released her lips and shifted on the couch, resting his forehead against hers. He could feel her trembling in his arms. His lips traveled to her eyes, her nose, across the line of her jaw to the tender spot behind her ear again. He places a kiss at the sensitive spot and skinned his lips down the column of her throat, relishing the smooth glide of his mouth over her creamy skin. He could never get enough taste of her. Her hand fell onto his and Harry finally stopped his administrations and looked into her bewitching eyes.

Slow heat churned through his veins when she looked at him with those hot and hungry brown eyes. A tiny moment later she pulled her hand from his and shifted to face him on the couch, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close as her mouth opened and welcomed him. He was hot and aroused, consumed by the fiery need to touch her, to taste her. His hand slid under the cotton edge of her shirt just above the waistband of her slacks and along the side of her belly. He curved a hand over her hip and leaned closer, until their bodies were pressed together as close as it could be. His hands slid from her waist and higher, across the warm skin of her protruding abdomen and she made one of those soft little sounds and he explored further, stopping just below the curve of her breast. Hermione moaned and arched against him as if inviting more of his touch and Harry was more than willing to adhere to her wishes. The tightness in his jeans was proof of that.

He carefully pushed her horizontally into the cushions of the couch and slid beside her, all the while with his heartbeat increasing. He dipped his head, and his mouth found hers. He pulled her closer him and tangled one hand in her hair. Harry broke the kiss and locked his eyes on hers and Hermione reached for his face caressing his cheeks lovingly and drew him down to her, kissing him intensely. He groaned and responded with the same hunger, his mouth tangling with hers and his hands exploring her curves. He pulled her shirt free, snapping the buttons along the way and worked the clasp of her bra, until her breasts were free and exposed.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He said in a low voice as his need for her pulsed painfully between their bodies.

"Show me," she murmured. He groaned and lowered his mouth to take one taut nipple into his mouth. She buried her fingers in his hair, holding him to her while he touched and feast and teased. His abdominals contracted at her feather light touch on his chest and he let out a long, ragged breath and kissed her pouring all the passion he felt into it.

"I want you more than I've ever wanted any woman in my life," he gasped roughly. "You're in my blood, my skin, every fiber of my being. I go to bed wanting you, I wake up wanting you, I spend most of the day and night wanting you".

His head spun and he grabbed her to him. Her hands were suddenly everywhere—his hair, his shoulders, slipping up under the untucked edge of his shirt to slide across his skin. His stomach constricted almost painfully and he groaned, instantly aroused at the contact of her dainty hands on his hot skin, Merlin what she did to him. He wanted her; no needed her and it didn't matter at the moment that they were in his living room, on the couch and not in his bed. It didn't matter at all. All that mattered was that she was here now, with him. He had wanted her for so long; ever since that night she offered herself to him the need had intensified because she couldn't get that image out of his head. He didn't mean for the light touching to go this far, but for the life of him Harry knew couldn't stop. She was finally his; finally touching him this way and he wanted to drown himself in her touch, her scent and her body, especially her body. Hermione pulled at his the t-shirt silently letting him know she wanted it off.

He gazed at her, emotion burning behind his eyes. He knew exactly what she was saying and offering, knew just how difficult it must be for her to let him in, to finally be a part of her like this and the love he had for her just grew. She reached for edge of his shirt and he helped her, shrugging out of it quickly, then helping her out of hers. In moments he was naked, hard and hungry, and turned to help her undress the rest of the way as anticipation sizzled through his blood. He ached to be inside her, to lose himself in her heat, but he reined in his needs.

"You take my breath away, Mione." He murmured softly and kissed her tenderly with his eyes open for a brief moment before the lids came down. Hers remained open, as well, and he prayed she could read the truth in his eyes. How much he loved her, wanted her and needed her. She let out a ragged breath and Harry saw a tear drip out of the corner of her eye. He kissed it away and dipped his head to cover her mouth with his. She clutched him to her and Harry moved closer, careful not to put too much pressure on her body.

He moved above her as his body found her hot center. Their eyes locked as he eased his hard length, slowly filling her tight body and he almost collapsed as pleasure traveled through his veins. With his fingers intertwined intimately with hers and braced against the armrest, Harry filled her to the hilt and paused, relishing the feel of her around him before slowly pulling out and thrusting in. Flashed of their first time together ran through his mind as he carried on the sluggish pace for what seemed eternity; he needed to go slow as to not overwhelm her not matter how much his body throbbed to pound into her hotness. He felt her stiffened beneath him and Harry looked down and studied her closely.

"Are you ok?" he managed hoarsely.

"No", she replied and Harry shifted, willing to stop if she wanted. It didn't matter how painful it would be to do that at the moment but he would never do something to cause her pain or for her to be uncomfortable. He was a breath a way from leaving her sweet body when Hermione's hand grasped his arms.

"You're treating me like some kind of fragile porcelain figurine, I won't break, Harry Please. Don't hold back". He swallowed hard, pushing down his emotions at her husky pleads and he felt his body hardened even more.

"But the baby", he whispered roughly contradicting the powerful need to move within her body, "I don't want to hurt the baby Mione".

"You won't Harry". She threaded her fingers through his hair and with a groan he captured her mouth in a fierce, swift kiss as his body gradually increased its tempo until he was pounding into hers hard and fast but with a hint of tenderness. The room started to spin and all he could do was hang on to her tightly as their joined bodied raced towards fulfillment that was just beyond the edge of their reach. Their ragged breathing filled the air and Harry reached between their slick bodies and touched the most sensitive part of her body causing her body to quiver blissfully beneath his.

Hermione cried out at the contact and clawed at his shoulders in pleasurable agony. His name was nothing but a hoarse whisper off her lips and she cried out as her climax overtook her body and Harry caught the scream with his mouth, swallowing her cries of release as he tumbled after her.

"Merlin I love you so much", he said in his mind as his slick body rested on hers briefly before he slid off her and drew her against him and they lay curled together with their legs tangled together. He wanted so much to voice those words, to tell her how he felt but Harry didn't want to feel rejected again and so he kept it to himself. Hermione lifted after her breathing slowed and shifted her head up to rested it on his shoulder so that they eyes met and Harry moved the strands of her sticking to her forehead behind her ear. Her right hand cupped his face and smoothed over his cheeks before she closed the distanced between them and kissed him softly. The soft touch of her lips against his cause a swell of emotions to be swept up in his throat. Harry framed her head with his palm and returned the kiss, pouring everything he felt for her into it. He couldn't tell her but he could definitely show her how he felt.

The following morning sunlight greeted a wide eyes Harry in his room with a sleeping Hermione beside him. He had moved them their after she fell asleep the night before, hoping for better comfort. He had been up for hours just watching her sleep, drinking in her with his eyes. He smiled reminiscently. She'd been responsive, more so than he'd imagined. His whole body hardened at the memory of the tender body that had lain beneath him: the soft cries of feminine need aroused and fulfilled that had burnt him to his soul, the shivering completion that had finally broken his control and brought him his own release. Harry had no regrets. He may not have expected this to happen last night but there wasn't any form of remorse flowing in his veins. Only desire, desire for the woman next to him. He had thought it would wane once they were together but now he only wanted her more fiercely. He knew what it was like to take her, to be with her and his thirst fro more would never be quenched.

She lay secure in his arms, her breath a softly caressing on his skin, silky curls spread across his chest. Her body had molded to him in total relaxation, every curve fitting against him as if made just for him. He buried his face in her hair, breathing deep the scent of warm, sweet looked so peaceful sleepingand unconsciously his callous warm hand slid under her chin, tipping her face up. Delicately he touched her, tracing her cheekbones, her nose, the line of her brows. And where his fingers caressed, his lips followed amorously. He knew she was awake for her hand stole across his back and Hermione gasped in response and Harry took advantage of mouth twisted against hers, opening her more fully and his tongue slithered in deeply and possessively. She was finally his. Harry smoothed his hand over her body to her thighs and back up, just beneath the swell of her breast before cupping her head and pushing her deeper under his body. Last night flashed through his mind like an old movie and his body reacted fiercely, needing the connection of hers.

Harry kissed her harder and slipped between her parted tights, brushing against her moist center. He felt the shock jolt through her and heard her startled cry. Shuddering with the need to take her, he forced himself to be gentle, tender, patient. His hands shook uncontrollably as they explored her trembling body, caressing every curve, waist, hip and sweetly rounded framed her face with his hands, holding her still for his kiss as he slid into the tight, welcoming heat of her body. He groaned, trying to slow down. He hadn't meant to take her this fast so soon again, but he was beyond control. And each movement of his body drew those soft cries of pleasure from her, pleading for more, not less and his body answered over and over again until fulfillment came crashing violently around them.

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The next time Harry woke, he was the one being watched. His eyes fluttered opened and a smile stole across his face as he saw her lying with her hands beneath her head just looking at him with such a tender look in hers that his heart skipped a beat. He was happy that she hadn't vanished again and that she didn't seem to have any regrets. Her hand reached across and palmed his cheek as a soft smile played over her lips. Harry covered her dainty and with his and turned his head a fraction, pressing a tender kiss against her palm.

"Good morning", he said, his voice husky from sleep. Her face was a little blurry since he didn't have his glasses on, but he didn't need them to see her clearly at all. Harry took her and intertwined it with his before placing it between their bodies, "how did you sleep?"

"That was the best sleep I had in a while', she replied softly and he smiled, remembering her telling him the same thing not so long ago as well however that morning was nothing like this one. He rather like this one much more, "you?"

"There is nothing I can say that can tell describe last night Mione", he replied and her cheeks turned beet red from his words. Harry couldn't help the laughter that rumbled in his chest. Merlin she was just beautiful. He knew he shouldn't ask but Harry needed verbal assurance, "do you regret it?"

Her eyes flew to his and surprise along with a tinge of hurt flashed in them and Harry wanted to take it back but he couldn't, "Harry", her hands tightened over his as of she knew why he asked, "no I don't regret it. Last night was amazing and it was because I was with you, I was thinking about you and only you and it is something that I could never regret or ever take it back, not for anything".

Harry heaved a sigh of relief and managed a smile her response to his question as well as his unasked one. She didn't regret him. Hermione leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips. She just rested her lips on his and he savored the feel of them. Their was no tongue twirling or any movement and Harry felt more close to her than ever, to him this was the most intimidate of kisses they shared. She pulled back and settled beside him again and their stating contest resumed.

"Thank you", he murmured rubbing his thumb over the back of their clasped hands before bringing them to his lips. Hermione smiled in returned and nodded her head as a gesture of saying don't worry about it, "I didn't hurt you or anything did I?"

"Nope", she replied, "I feel fine and so does the little one". She moved their hands to her belly, her very naked belly and Harry hissed as his hand covered the heated skin. He then realized that she was naked under the sheets and he couldn't stop the flashed even if he wanted to. Hermione must have known where his thoughts had headed for she smirked and moved closer to him, pressing her naked flesh against his.

"Oh you are very bad Ms. Granger", he whispered roughly before kissing her leaving no doubt where it would lead.

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About two hours later Harry and Hermione were in the kitchen sharing a very late breakfast. They had been laughing and joking around for pretty the entire day so far and harry couldn't be happier. He had his Hermione back and that alone was more than what he wished fro. She was presently red in the face from laughing and he savored the moment. Things hadn't been this light between them since in school and it felt really good.

Harry stole a piece of bacon from her plate and froze when Hermione stopped laughing and placed her hands on her stomach. All traces of mirth left her features as she looked over to him, their eyes met and held fro a moment before Harry asked softly not wanting to panic for any reason, "Hermione are you ok?"

"No I don think so Harry", she replied standing up with a little help from him and his heart thumped loudly in his chest, "because I think my water just broke". And sure enough Hermione was standing in a pool of water at her feet. For a moment the words didn't sink in but when it did Harry heart raced with panic and anticipation at what was about to happen.

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Happy Holidays everyone!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 20**

Harry was pacing. At the rate he was going he expected a hole to appear where his feet were presently starting to create a groove, at least to him it was. He was pacing yes because there was nothing else he could do. His hair was messy as a result of him constantly running his hands through it and his robes were off, lying on the chair in the pristine waiting room. All of this had happened and it had been little over an hour since he had brought Hermione to St. Mungo's. He hadn't wanted to leave her side, not for a moment but the healers insisted that they had to make sure everything was going along normally before they let him into the room. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny had arrived at the same time and the matriarch of the family was in there with her instead. Ginny was sitting quietly on the chair next to his robes and gave up on telling him to calm down.

What was taking them so long? They were trained in this feel, they should be able to assess the situation and provide information about what was happening. His eyes found the doors leading to Hermione's room and his stare willed it to open for what seemed the millionth time but once again nothing. He turned his glare to Ginny, sitting so calmly and he wanted to scream. Why was he panicking while she appeared so, so composed? _You know the reason why Potter_ a tiny voice in his mind answered a little mocking to his ears. Yeah he did know why but he was trying his dameness to push it away from his mind, as far as possible in fact. The glorious moment when the baby will finally get here will change their lives all based on her appearance and that thought had his palms sweating even more.

"Harry for the last time, sit down!" Ginny annoyed voice pierced his subconscious. His eyes flicked to hers at her stern tone ready to rebut but when their eyes met, understanding shone from their brown depths, "she's going to be fine. The healers know what they are doing and besides it's Hermione and I am positive she isn't going to let them do something wrong".

"You're right", he replied with his shoulders slumping, "sorry Gin I just need to know what's going on". She patted his arm and offered a small smile as they returned to utter silence except for the others moving through the hallway. Harry leaned forward resting his elbows and his knees and intertwined his fingers together as he let them hung between his legs. The moment Hermione had said her water broke all thought had left his mind with nothing but panic flowing through him for approximately one minute before his brain had kicked into gear and he had somehow managed to get dressed and flooed Molly and gotten Hermione to the hospital. The moment the set foot into the place everything became blurry.

Before the day was out he may or may not be a father. Granted if the baby was Ron he would act like a father to the kid and his night prior to last night with Hermione would forever remain his secret. On the other hand if the baby was his then he had no doubt all hell will break loose and he may loose everything that meant anything to him and he would have some serious explaining to do.

_Why didn't I just let things be? Why did I have to remove the memory? If I had just left things as they were I wouldn't be having a silent panic attack right now._ _Maybe I still would be but it wouldn't be because I was afraid of the outcome. I was just trying to protect her, that's all._

_Protect her or protect yourself?_

_Myself? I had nothing to fear Hermione would never had been able to get over the two of us together at that time._

_You know that's not the reason, you were afraid she would regret it and push you away._

_No I wasn't. She's with me now and she told me she could never regret it._

_That was last night and she could have lied. Admit it, even though you are together you are afraid that she will realized she doesn't want to be with you and all this time she had only been using you to fill that empty space beside her._

_No, I am not! Merlin I rather be facing Voldemort that go through this._

"Harry!" He nearly jumped out of his skin as Ginny loud scream reached his ears. He looked over to her and followed her outstretched hand indicating Mrs. Weasley walking towards him. The conversation he had been having with himself was now nothing but a distant memory as he stood up waiting for Mrs. Weasley to reach where they were. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans as asked as soon as she approached them.

"Is Hermione Ok? Is the baby ok?" His eyes searched her face for any indication that something was amiss but found none. Ginny gently touched his arm, silently telling him to calm down and he took a deep breath allowing Molly to speak.

"She's fine Harry, they both are", Molly replied in an appeasing voice, "The healer said everything is going along normally and now it's only a moment of time before she is ready to give birth". He exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding and relaxed for the first time that night.

"Can we go see her?" Ginny asked her mom before he could get the words out and they shared a tiny smile. She knew how much he was itching to see Hermione since he hadn't for over an hour now. Mrs. Wealsey nodded and told them she was going to wait for them and that Harry should be the on there for Hermione. Harry wasted no time, he set off into a tiny jog trying to get to the room as fast as possible. However when he reached the room, Harry paused just outside of it and motioned for Ginny to go in ahead of him. He ignored the confused look she sent him and just stood outside as their muffled voices sounded. He didn't really know why he did it but a part of him knew this may be the last time he saw Hermione where everything was simple. They were together and happy and waiting for her to have the baby she wanted so much. His heart ached at the thought that everything couldn't change in a matter of hours and he hated that he didn't know how it was going to turn out.

It was time to stop stalling and so Harry entered the room with a painted smile on his face. Hermione's attention swiftly turned to him as he approached her and a smile spread across her face, a beautiful smile with a tinge of pain. She was having a baby so he expected nothing less. Her hands moved to her rounded stomach and they shared a private moment even though Ginny was sitting right there. This was is, Harry would remember this as the moment that changed everything. He caught the grin on Ginny's face seconds before she stood up and hugged Hermione before pecking him on the cheek and leaving the room. Comfortable silent floated around them and Harry took the seat Ginny vacated never breaking eye contact. He took one of her hands in his and placed the other on her stomach.

"How are you doing? Hanging in there?" He asked wishing he could take her pain away. He would do anything for her.

"Yeah", she replied running her thumb over his knuckles soothingly, "the pain isn't so bad, at least not yet and besides I have been through worst right". Her attempt of humor wasn't loss on him and Harry forced a smile. He had to tell her before the baby got here; she had the right to know what he did. Whether this was the bet time, Harry was sure it wasn't but what choice did he have.

"I love you Hermione", he whispered fiercely gripping her hands firmly. They never talked about their feelings but Harry needed her to know, to understand where he was coming from, "I want you to remember that ok, not matter what happens in the future, I love you with everything I have. It's ok, you don't have to say it back or tell me how you feel just as long as you know how I feel about you ok".

"Harry", she said unsurely, her eyes clouded with questions and it hurt that she didn't say it back, "what's going on?"

"I need to tell you something else, that night", he began wishing his heart would slow down but before Harry could say anything else Hermione clutched his hand and released a groan of pain. He was about to ask her if he should get the healer when he came in along with another one. _Did they have a spell for these kind of things? _

"Hello again Ms. Granger", he greeted them warmly and Hermione nodded in return. Her grip on his hands hadn't lessened and Harry knew it was time, "everything is flowing nicely but let's have see just how far along you are". He took a moment to examine Hermione and then said, "looks like we are ready for this little one to greet the world Ms. Granger. Now on you next contraction I am going to need you to push ok?" Hermione nodded and her eyes leveled to Harry's. He leaned forwards in impulses and kissed her, his lips teasing hers gently before pulling back and smiling at her.

"I'm right her Mione", he whispered smoothing her hair away from her damp forehead, "I'm right here baby". His confession would have to wait for Hermione's grip on his hands increased so much that Harry had to fight back a groan of pain of his own. Everything after that first push became a blurry line. He remembered talking soothingly to her, encouraging her, telling her everything was going to be fine. He remembered the healer telling her how and when to push and he remember her screams and all the time he wished he could help her with her pain. At times her pain was squeezed into his hands that his fingers were quickly becoming numb and he thought it was by magic that they didn't break.

As he continued whispering to her, Hermione pushed long and hard before collapsing back against the pillows breathing heavily as perspiration trickled off her brows and down her slender throat. She looked a right mess but to him she was beautiful. For a moment tense silence encompassed all of them in the room before the high pitch crying of the baby filled the air. It was positively the best sound in the world and he felt his heart constrict almost painfully in his chest, "she's ok, she's ok", Hermione began mumbling and Harry looked over to the see the healers wrapping the baby in blanket and making sure she was indeed alright before bringing her over to them.

"She ok Mione. You did brilliantly, she's ok". he replied softly and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before dropping one to her lips. Hermione sighed in contentment and shifted, her face etched in slight pain, so she could hold her baby for the first time. Harry let go of her hand but did move away as the second healer placed the tiny bundle on Hermione's waiting arms. His heart lurched into his throat at the sight and when Hermione looked up at him, Harry couldn't hide the emotions burning behind his eyes. She extended her hand and Harry grasped it and he let her lead him to sit beside her on the bed.

He kissed her hand lovingly before letting go so she could take a closer look at the baby. Hermione moved the pink blanket for the baby's face and emotions chocked his speech. She looked everything like her Hermione; the nose, the brown hair, even a light trace of her freckles dusting her pinked skin. It was just how Harry had imagined she would look like, just like her mother but her eyes Harry saw when she slowly flicker them open. Her eyes, there was no mistaking that she got them from her father because they were the same sparkling green as the man looking down at her. She was a beautiful baby with a crown of brown curls and emerald green eyes.

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Harry laid lifeless on couch at Grimmauld Place staring unseeingly at the old ceiling as the day replayed through his mind. He was a father, he was father to Hermione's baby. The words played through his mind like an old record and sounded so surreal to him, Harry thought that for a moment he was dreaming. But he wasn't he realized as the image of that little girl, that beautiful little girl with curly brown hair and his inherited green eyes filled his mind. She was perfect, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her and his heart warmed at the thought that she was his. For a moment he lost himself in the idea that he had the daughter he always wanted and with Hermione no less. He basked in the happiness that the birth of a new life gave, just for a moment he let himself be happy because he knew that things were never going to be the same again.

The moment that little girl opened her eyes his body had stiffened and the easy going atmosphere in the room became charged with tension. The healers had done their duties and left him and Hermione with the baby. Hermione's hold on his hand was released as her eyes flickered to the child in her arms, the child she carried for so many months, the child she thought was hers and her dead husbands'. Harry had slowly stood up and backed away from the bed in shock, he knew there was a possibility that they baby could be his, he had even wished for it to be but now the truth was staring him back in the face in the form of that little angel. He forced his eyes from the ground to meet Hermione's eyes and his heart, for a moment literally stopped beating in his chest. The confusion, the total lack of understanding, the anger and dare he say it, pain glaring back at him twisted the knife in his heart.

Hermione was frozen in shock as her hands hovered about her baby's cheek, the baby who was looking up at her as Hermione's eyes never wavered from Harry's. The intensity of her gaze caused him to rub his damp hand on his jeans. She was looking at him like he was a completely different person, as if he was someone she had never met before, a stranger. Her eyes had softened momentarily but that could have been his imagination or a trick of light before her expression bland and her lips pressed into a tense line. He couldn't decipher the expression on her face and he needed to now, more that ever.

The tense silence increased as they eyes continued to hold each other's and Harry wanted to say something, anything to help diffused that tension but nothing came out of his mouth when he opened it. Hermione made no attempt to make conversation as she waited for him to shed some light on the situation, to tell her how it was possible her baby had his eyes and not Ron's when she had no recollection of ever being intimate with him. He didn't need to see into her mind to know what she was thinking, Harry could read it in her eyes and the frown that marred her brows.

With loosing all his power to talk Harry had taken the easy way out, the cowardly way out and left and Hermione made no attempt to stop him. He had walked so swiftly out the room you would have thought that Voldemort had risen from the dead and was after him. Ginny and Molly had raced towards him but he had sidestepped both of them before telling them that Hermione was doing fine and so was the baby. Ginny held his eyes briefly noting his ruffled appearance but he had ignored her concerned expression and left St. Mungo's seeking refuge where he was now; the darkness that was Grimmauld Place. Harry sighed and pushed his glasses off before running his hand wearily over his face. Hermione's face came to him and he winced. Merlin he was really in a pickle, how was he going to explain things now. He wondered what she was doing now, was she with the baby or not because she couldn't bare to look at the little girl with his eyes.

The wards were up around the Black family home granting him privacy and complete isolation. He was positive Hermione or any of the Weasley's didn't want to see him at the moment. Why would they? He had practically ripped away any chance of them having a part of Ron live on in his child. They had been supportive of his relationship with Hermione but now he wasn't sure what their reaction to him would be. Harry didn't try to dissolute himself that he didn't deserve whatever they would give him but he hoped that they would understand. For the first time Harry allowed himself to think of that night after Ron's funeral. Hermione had been a messed, she hadn't been thinking clearly but Harry had known she wouldn't be able to forgive herself for something she did because she wasn't thinking clearly and so he had done the gently man thing and stopped her before they went too far.

However he hadn't counted on Hermione taking things into her own hands as a way to lessened the pain. Harry groaned, he should have known it wasn't a dream, he should have woken up and stopped her, stop himself from giving in but he had been too weak. He hadn't wanted her for her so long that a part of his hadn't care that it had been wrong for him to take advantage of her weakness, of her need to feel alive and loved. He knew no one was going to accept that, he was the only one that remembered what happened that night unless Hermione miraculously remembered. It was going to take a while before she forgave him, of she ever forgive, something that may never happen. How could things changed so quickly. Last night and this morning couldn't have been more perfect and now everything was up in flames.

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The following night found Harry sitting in the darkness corner of Hog's Head. His hands were wrapped around and untouched bottle of fire whiskey, all he did since he came into the pub was stared at the liquid that he knew was going to make his body as well as his mind numb. He also knew that getting pissed wasn't going to make his problems disappear and there in lied the problem. All day he had been debating with himself whether to go see Hermione but in the end he had ended up here, sitting alone and deciding if getting drunk was the best thing to do right now. But then the image of his daughter came to mind and Harry felt a little better, he pushed the bottle away and rubbed his tired eyes behind his glasses. He wondered what she was doing, did Hermione name her yet and if she did what was it.

With his eyes trained on the dusty table Harry felt someone slid into the booth opposite him. He didn't have to look up to know who it was. He had a feeling she would be the first to come and find him sooner or later and a part of him was glad that it was her. Harry took the bottles in his hands again as an excuse to have something to do with them and resumed staring at the label.

"How is she doing?" he asked quietly chancing a quick glance at her before averting his eyes back to the bottle that seemed so fascinating. If anyone would tell him the truth it would be her.

"Considering what happened and what she went through a lot better than expected", Ginny replied neutrally and Harry wished she would say something more, anything to make him feel better, "but we both know that's not why I' here", Harry nodded waiting for her to attack but as the minutes ticked by she said nothing causing Harry to finally meet her eyes. There was neither sympathy nor acceptance in hers but then again Harry had expected nothing less.

"What do you want to know", he asked looking over her shoulders.

"Other than the fact that the baby I thought was my niece is not my brother's child", she replied with traces of anger and hurt in her voice, "is why Hermione seems to have no recollection of when or how you turned out to be the father of her child". Harry took a deep breath and finally took a sip from the bottle; he knew she was going to need it.

"I erased her memory of it", he replied tonelessly and saw Ginny brows knitted in confusion, "I knew she would never forgive herself for letting herself be weak in a moment when all she felt was alone in her grief. We both know that Hermione would see her actions as a betrayal to Ron's memory given it was the day of his funeral. I know that isn't an excuse but at the time I thought it was the best thing to do. I didn't know that she was going to get pregnant; it never crossed my mind with everything that happened. I guess I was seeking and escape to my pain as well".

"And did taking away her choice in the matter made things better Harry?" Ginny asked and he detected a tiny trace of understanding in her voice and relaxed a bit, "how did that make things better?"

"I don't know Ginny", he replied meeting her eyes, "I – that night I didn't know what I was thinking or how much I was thinking and yes I was weak and would I go back and do the same thing again given the chance I don't know". He was slowly to loose his patience with the whole situation and it wasn't even the beginning because he still had Hermione to talk to, "I'm sorry. I thought I was dreaming Gin, I thought I was dreaming and when I woke up with her next to me I panicked and did the only thing that came to mind. I never thought it would lead to all of this".

"It was Hermione who initiated it?" she asked quietly and Harry nodded guilty. He didn't want to put the blame on Hermione because he had been a willing partner whether he had been awake or not, "well that gets you off the hook a little bit". Harry wasn't sure if she was joking or not.

"How your mom taking all of this, Molly must hate me now but that couldn't begin to compare how Hermione now feel towards me", Harry said morosely taking another swig from the cooling bottle. Whatever headway they had made in their relationship was completely shattered now.

"She doesn't hate you Harry", and he wondered which she Ginny was referring to, "but you have to understand it came as a shock to all of us and most of all Hermione since she can't remember any of it".

"I can't even imagine how I am going to face her now", Harry looked at her for some sort of indication, "should I go see her or give her some space. I don't want her to think that I don't want to see the baby or her, Merlin I haven't even held her yet but I don't think Hermione is ready to see me without trying to hex me".

"She is angry but more than that she is confused Harry", Ginny filled in, "just let her come to you ok". She reached across the table and rested a hand on his arm, "I know you're scared Harry but you lied to her and Hermione is going to need some time to get her head around all of this. I going to talk to her and make sure she's ok but its going to be you who going to have to bridge that ending conversation".

"Thanks", he murmured not even attempting to smile, "I'm sorry Gin for everything. I didn't mean to take what little of Ron you all had left".

"I know that Harry and does my mom and Hermione", she replied solemnly, "and I guess that's what make the pain hurt the most". He nodded and returned to his brooding not seeing her paused and turned around until she said, "she's beautiful and perfect Harry, despite the situation you should be happy that a life so precious as hers is finally here".

He didn't have to voice just how much those words meant to him. He forced a smile her way and watched as she left. He wasn't sure how Ginny felt about the whole situation but he did know that she was hurt a bit but by her coming to see him Harry knew he had at least one person in his corner. However he knew that this was only the calm before the storm that was called Hermione Granger.

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**A/N:** I know some of you wanted the baby to be Ron and I get why but this chapter was what inspired the idea to write this story and sorry if it didn't go your way.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 21**

The grated voice of Harry's boss, Creswell slowly faded into the background as the Auror meeting moved into the one hour mark. Harry paid no heed to what the older man was saying as he kept his eyes trained on the opposite wall not really seeing anything at all. It had been three days since his daughter had been born, three days of him worrying about the mother of his child and three days of silence from her. He didn't want to push but his patience was running thin. He knew she would be angry but the least she could do was try to talk to him. He missed her and more that anything he wanted to see his little girl, hold her in his arms and show her that he was there and that he loved her just as he loved her mother.

Harry was so focused on his thoughts that he failed to realize that the meeting was over as well as the concerned look Abby was sending him. With a slight nudge from his colleague Harry was brought back to the present albeit embarrassed for his lack of his limited attention span. Thankfully his boss hadn't noticed his unusual behavior but he wasn't so lucky with Abby. They had been spending more time together because had decided to bury himself in his work and as she was obligated to help in his any case he took on she was with him most of time which create a much friendlier atmosphere between them.

"Want to talk about it Potter", she asked making no move to exit the room with the other Aurors, "or is this one of the things that falls into none of my business category?"

Harry couldn't help the laughter that rumbled in his chest at her words. She knew whatever was bothering his was big enough to make him not pay attention and was trying to make him feel better. Harry smiled gratefully at her, knowing she wouldn't push the topic if he didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't that he couldn't trust her but Harry didn't want to talk about what happened until he had a face to face with Hermione.

"Thanks Abby", he replied as he stood up motioning that he really didn't want to talk about it and opted for a change in topic, "but I think I'll manage. So what did our boss want?"

She accepted his need for change and launched into a verbatim report of what happened in the meeting as they made their way back to their offices. He made sure to pay attention this time but his mind still wondered back to his run in with Ginny and Molly in Diagon Alley the day before yesterday. They had been doing some holiday shopping and were heading home when Harry ran into them. At first he had no idea what to say, he couldn't even look at Molly but she had made the first move and asked how he was doing. She wasn't condensing or accepting in her tone of voice but Harry noted the tinged of sadness in her eyes. He could apologize a million times but nothing was going to change the outcome of what happened. He had learnt that Hermione was staying with for the time being and her parents came to visit for a bit.

Ginny had been a great help and Harry knew she must have talked to her mom because that had to be the reason why Molly didn't blow a gasket. But then again Mrs. Weasley had always been good to him, she was the closest thing to a mother he had and if she had turned her back on him, Harry was sure he would have lost the closest thing to a family he had.

"Here, just take my reports and when you are done give them back to me", Abigail said thrusting the sheets of paper into his hands as they stopped in front of his office door, "and if you need to talk I'm here ok?"

"Ok, thanks Abs, maybe we can have lunch as a kind of I owe you", Harry responded knowing it would be good because they had been working hard lately. Besides burying himself in his work hadn't seemed to be working much.

"Yeah that would be fine", she replied with a smile, "just as long as my boyfriend doesn't find out I think you will live". Harry laughed at her joke and told her he'll see her later and made his way into his office.

Harry lost himself in his work for the rest of the morning trying to get Hermione and his present situation out of his mind but she still sneaked in and taunted him. Last night he had woken up after having a nightmare of her leaving and taking his baby girl with her. In his dream Hermione had finally come to see him but it ended with her saying that she couldn't be around him anymore, that she couldn't trust him and that she was leaving the magical world forever to raise their child alone. Harry had wakened up in a cold sweat shaking and breathing hard. It had taken him more than half of the night to calm down and it took him a trip to the nursery to finally do. This morning Harry boiled it down to nerves.

The stacks of paper on his desk had lessened tremendously but he still had a lot more to get through. As much as he loved his job, doing this aspect, sitting behind the desk wasn't what attracted him to being an Auror. But then again not everything was smooth sailing in life; his current predicament was proof of that. He stowed away the last of the reports for the set he was working on and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed the bridge of his nose causing is glasses to move in concurrence with his hands and heaved a sigh. He wanted the life he had with Hermione four mornings ago, where they laughing, making love and finally making a move for the better. He was glad that his daughter was finally here but things were much simpler when Hermione was just pregnant. He felt guilty for his thoughts but he didn't know what else could go wrong.

With his eyes closed Harry heard a faint knock on his door and someone entered, knowing it was going to be Abigail since it was nearly lunch time Harry didn't so much as move a muscle. But as the silence ensued Harry's senses became alert and the faint scent that he knew very well wafted over him. He stiffened instantly and was almost afraid to open his eyes which would actually make her real. He could feel the tension flowing from her in violent waves which wasn't very surprising because he knew this conversation between them wasn't going to be pleasant. He swallowed the lump clogging his throat and opened his eyes as he shifted his body to face her. She was dressed in casual robes that hung a little loose over her small frame, it was weird to not see her pregnant. His eyes took in her appearance dredging the moment he would meet her eyes because he knew thee would be anger shining from their chocolate depths and as true to his words they were.

Harry slowly stood up and his eyes took in the tension along her shoulders as she held herself stiffly as she gaze unrelentingly back at him. He would give anything to have her smile at him, to have the hard lines disappear from her features but there was nothing he could to erase them as he was one who caused them. He couldn't read anything from her expression. Harry moved around the desk, wanting so much to take in her in his arms but that idea was rejected as Hermione lifted her chin defiantly and straightened her shoulders causing the ache in his chest to expand.

"Hermione-"

"Were you ever going to tell me?" they both began at once and Harry knew exactly what she was talking about. Her voice was void of all emotions, "if the baby had been Ron's would you have told me about what happened between us?" His shoulders slumped dejectedly. He wanted to lie, to say he would have but Harry knew that he wouldn't have done so. What would have been the use, she didn't remember that night and it would have only created awkwardness between them. But that was if the baby hadn't been his. Harry met her eyes regret and apology emanating from them in waves.

"No", he whispered softly hoping that she would understand.

Hermione laughed, it was not one of warmth but one that made the hair stand up on his neck. He knew he had hurt her even more with that one word, "that's what I thought. Once again Harry Potter took the easy way out". Before he could say anything else Hermione spun around with every intention of leaving but Harry wasn't going to have any of that. He closed the distance between them in three strides and slammed the door shut just as she opened it. Immediately her subtle scent teased his nostrils and filtered into his mind making it a bit fuzzy. Harry leaned forward unconsciously and breathed in her presence, Merlin he missed her so much. Hermione once again stiffened in his arms and Harry pulled back a fraction but her body was still trapped between the hard planes of his chest and the door.

"Let me go Harry", she said strongly but it sounded very close to a plead more than anything else as she tugged at the knob on the door. Harry had no intention of doing what she wanted. She was here and he wasn't letting her leave without talking this through.

"I'm sorry but I can't do that Hermione", he replied. His hands itched to touch her but he refrained. Hermione wouldn't welcome his touch and the last thing he wanted to do was spooked her, "we need to talk".

With her back still to him Hermione bit out, "there is nothing for us to talk about Harry. What else would I possibly want to know? We slept together, I shared something so intimate with you and you took it upon yourself to be the one with moral fiber and take away my choice to remember in the matter. What else should we talk about? Oh yes and the fact that all this time you knew that the baby that was growing inside me, the child which I wanted so much to be Ron's and mine, to have a part of him with me could be your child Harry. How could you do that" She finally turned in his arms and the pain and anger in them, he had no words to say how much they hurt him, "and the fact that you refused to tell me".

"I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would hurt you Hermione", he said raggedly, "I tried to tell you so many times but something always interrupted me and what would have been the use if the baby had turned out to be Ron's".

"What would have been the use", she asked incredulously, fire burning in her eyes as she pressed a finger hard into his chest with so much force Harry took a step back every time she did, "what would have been the use? It would have saved me from nearly having a heart attack when the baby we described together in the lift tuned out to be the one I was carrying for nine months. The point is Harry, you took advantage of the situation, you knew I was venerable and hurting after what happened to Ron and you knew I wasn't thinking clearly. You should have known better, you should have stopped when things got out of control. I trusted you, I thought you were the one person that would never hurt me but I was wrong".

Harry stumbled onto the surface of his desk and for the first time since she came in felt his anger boiled. Each word she spoke was like a painful blow to the gut. He did stop her that night, he had done his utmost to stop himself for taking what she offered that night when she stood before him in her knickers in the bathroom of Grimmauld only to have her slip into his bed begging for him to make her feel alive again. Harry could have told her that but what would be the use, she wouldn't believe him. Her actions that night hadn't been coming from level headed, rational Hermione. If he closed his eyes he could still see clearly how fragile she had looked as she stood unsurely before him.

"You are right Hermione, I could have stopped what happened between us", he said tightly barely controlling his emotions, "but so could have you. So I am not the only one to be blamed here because the two us were much present at the time. Yeah I admit I shouldn't have erased you memory of it, it was wrong but would you have been able to live with yourself with the fact that we slept together on the night of Ron's funeral? Would you have let me help you, be there for you throughout your pregnancy? It would have changed everything between us and I wasn't ready to loose you, I'm still not ready to loose you. I didn't know that the baby was going to be mine because you told me Ron and you were trying to have one. I didn't think all of this would have happened because of one night. I am sorry how it happened but I am not sorry it did because that night gave me a part of the family I had always wanted, that night gave me my daughter, with you".

"Well I am sorry for not being more practical or logical given the fact that my I had just buried my husband!" Hermione nearly shouted and threw her hands in the air as her eyes filled with tears. Harry let out a breath of frustration and buried his head in his hands, bending his glasses a bit. This was getting them no where. At that precise moment his door opened presenting Abigail at the doorway looking very much out of place. He didn't blame her, the tension in the room was suppressing. He forced a smile at her as he remembered they were supposed to go to lunch.

"Rain check on lunch", she supplied and he nodded gratefully and she left pulling the door shut behind her retreating figure. His eyes moved to Hermione and he could already see the strain seeping back into her body. He knew her mind was adding two and two together and coming up with five but he didn't dispute what she was thinking, it was a miracle it was getting any kind of reaction from her at all.

"Well I can see that I have become and obstacle in you plans for today so I am going to get out of your hair", Hermione murmured with difficulty and Harry could feel a headache coming on. With seeker reflexes Harry snagged her wrist stopping her from leaving. He felt the shock of the contact all the way to his toes and the quite sharp intake from Hermione told him he wasn't the only one affected. She may be angry at him, she may not want to be in the same room with for long and she may even hate him but she stilled wanted him and that made her protective barriers stronger. It was going to be much harder to break her defenses now.

"Look Hermione I'm sorry for yelling. The last thing I want to do is fight with you", Harry said hoping she would at least turn around and look at him, "I know that I have hurt you because of what I did, that was the last thing I wanted to do but I thought I was doing the right thing. I know I don't always make the best decisions and I am truly sorry that it was your expense this time and if I could go back and change it, I probably wouldn't because I now have a daughter with you. That's sound selfish I know but it's just the way I feel. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me".

Silence greeted his words Harry became more nervous as the long seconds ticked by. It was when the tiny sniffs reached his ear that Harry realized she had been crying silently all the time. The pain in his heart increased and he made a move to pull her in his arms but Hermione batted away his hands and wiped her tears away with trembling fingers. All he seemed to do is hurt her and make her cry. He ignored the ached that her actions created and settled for tucking his hands in the pocket of his work robes. He said all he could; now it was all up to her.

"Will you at least tell me her name", Harry filled in reigning in his emotions as best as he could. Hermione's brown eyes clashed with his and Harry fought the reaction.

"Emily", she replied softly and Harry felt his heart warmed as he played the name over in is head and tried to remember the little of what he saw of his daughter, "Emily Granger". Her firm tone on her last name left no room for argument and Harry nodded. He wasn't in the room for another debate over the name of his daughter.

"Can I see her", Harry had every intention of being a part of his daughter's life but he was only being polite. No matter what happened between him and Hermione his daughter would not be a part of it.

"Of course you can see her Harry", she retorted almost angrily, "I am not that cold hearted to deny my daughter her father, even if I have issues with him".

"Right", he added with nothing better to say which was ironic because there was so much that was needed to be said between them.

"We are staying at the Burrow for now until I find another alternative and you can stop by whenever you want", she continued, all traces of the crying woman gone, "I have taken a few days off from work so I can assimilate to the situation".

"If you don't want to stay at Godric's Hallow Hermione that's fine but you can stay at Grimmauld Place", he offered not sure if she was going to accept or not, "no one is staying there and it would be easier".

"Easier for what Harry?" She asked, "so you don't have to face the Weasley's and feel guilty?" Harry but back his words and met her eyes head on. He admired her way of deflection; if she made him feel guilty she wouldn't have to deal with her guilt.

"I'll drop by after work tonight", he replied instead. Hermione nodded jerkily and moved to their door. She looked as if she half expected him to stop her again but Harry wasn't going to this time. He would let her leave and deal with the pain of it on his own.

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Harry had been standing by the Weasley's back door leading to the garden for a good couple of minutes. The chilly wind whipped around him but he welcomed it, willing to feel anything but the nervousness and hurt that was presently coursing through his body. He had never felt this way in ever in all the times he had visited the Burrow. _Maybe because your child wasn't in their and her mother wasn't your dead best friend's widow. _Harry groaned and tugged his hands through his unruly hair. He had wasted enough time as it was.

"Planning on standing out here all night Harry?" He swirled around at the gentle voice and came face to face with the head of the Weasley clan. Arthur was smiling a bit down at him as he shifted in the cold. He was a lot thinner due to his work but more so because of the war as a result of worrying. Harry swallowed as stepped to the side.

"I um, I was about to go in", he replied rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. He could barely meet the older man's eyes, "you can go ahead". Mr. Weasley nodded and pushed opened the door, instantly spilling light into the doorway. Harry could see Mrs. Weasley pulling out her left over dinner for her husband as they hung their coat up. She much had kept track of his where about on her family clock. He watched as Arthur greeted his wife warmly before motioning to his presence.

"Harry, I was wondering when you were going to get here", she said with a small smile but he could see a small amount of wariness in her eyes. Time, all will be well in time, "are you hungry. I can whip something up if you want".

"That's fine Mrs. Weasley but I'm not that hungry", he replied making a deal out of glancing around the kitchen, "is Hermione around, I uh came to see Emily".

At the sound of the little girl's name her smile faltered a bit. Harry swallowed his moan, it must be hard seeing the baby and knowing it wasn't her son's. An apology was on the tip of his tongue but Molly relaxed with a light touch from her husband.

"She's upstairs", Molly replied, the awkward moment gone, "we converted Ron's old room into the nursery so you can go on up". She forced a smile and Harry practically fled the kitchen after a nod to Mr. Weasley. He braced himself on the wall beside the door for a moment to prepare himself for another ill at ease conversation with Hermione. Harry inhaled deeply and made his way up the stairs, each creaking step reminding him of a summer he spent at the Burrow with Ron. It was only going to get harder before it got better. Harry finally reached the landing where the room he shared with his best mate was, he paused briefly as the sound of a nearby door opening and found himself staring at a freshly showered Hermione with her pajamas and her still damp hair flowing over her shoulders.

On instinct his body stepped forward to touch her but he caught himself half way and found himself stuck in a mid step. He took another breath and immediately regretted it because it brought all that was simply Hermione along with it as his eyes flickered over her. Hermione must have known where his thoughts were about to go and so she folded her arms across her breast.

"Sorry I'm late", he rasped taking a step back from her tempting body, "I got hold up at work". He wasn't about to tell her how he almost didn't come or how long he stood outside wondering if he had made the right decision.

"I understand", she replied and moved past him in the direction of where the baby was. Harry hissed quietly as her arm lightly brushed his and he hated it as much as he loved it, "she sleeping already but I don't think she'll wake".

Harry nodded and felt his palm begin to sweat. He was about to officially meet his daughter. Hermione pushed the door open and moved to the side allowing him to go in. The only light in the room came from the night light beside the crib, which he guessed was Ron's. He had thought he was nervous earlier but that was nothing compared to this. He chanced a glance at Hermione and caught the slight curl of her lips; she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"She's only a baby Harry, no need to be afraid", she filled in breaking the ice a little. Harry offered a smile of his own but everything quickly went back to being awkward. She cleared her throat and moved out of the room, "I'll be in the living room when you're finished, take as much time as you want", and she left.

After she left Harry just stood there for a moment, mentally preparing himself. With one foot after the other it took a measly three strides for him to finally reach the crib and for his eyes to drink in the sight of his sleeping daughter. His chest swelled with emotions and his eyes softened as he gazed down upon her lying in her back with her face turned to the right causing her cheeks to rest on the smooth blanket. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest confirmed that she was lost to the world. Harry eyes touched her lashes gently kissing her pink cheeks as well as her facial features and he couldn't get over just how much she looked like Hermione, the only trait she got from his was the eyes hiding behind her closed lids.

Unable to contain himself Harry rested a hand on the bar of the crib and tenderly touched her cheek with the other, almost as if he was afraid she would break. He could feel his eyes tear up but Harry blinked them away. Ginny was right she was perfect and he couldn't wait for her to open her eyes and look at him, for her to know that he was there. All the pain and everything else that was going on were worth just because out of all of that she emerged. He could feel the love he had for her flow through his him as he continued to gaze at her.

"I love you Em", he whispered softly, "and I promise you that I will always be here for you no matter what happened between your mom and me ok". He feather lightly touched her cheek again before placing a finger in her tiny hand and in her sleep Emily hands closed around his finger. He smiled broadly, guessed she already knew her daddy. Harry dipped his head and pressed a kiss to her forehead before whispering he would be back to see her soon.

He found Hermione curled up with a book on the armchair in the Weasley's living room. However the book was propped up on her legs as she stared into the burning fire in the fire place. The golden light flickered off her face making her look absolutely beautiful, but she was always beautiful to him. He took the moment to observe her for the first time since Emily had been born, she looked tired and it wasn't just because of the dark bruises under her eyes. If things were different they would have been at Godric's Hallow, Emily would have been asleep in her nursery and Harry wouldn't have thought twice about slipping in next to her and he sure as hell wouldn't be holding back the urge to kiss her.

"She still sleeping peacefully", Harry said into the silence and Hermione turned towards him immediately. It was then he caught the trail of tears on her cheeks. Harry was crouched down beside her with his thumb wiping away her them before he even knew it. He hated to see her like this, "Hermione, what's wrong?"

"Nothing", she replied pulling away from his hands, "I'm fine". As she shifted to get away from his hands Harry saw the picture frame that slipped from her thighs. He picked it up and saw that it was a picture of Ron and her from their wedding, at least now he knew a part of the reason she was crying. Harry swallowed the hurt and anger building within him and stood up instantly missing the heat of her body. She was still holding on to Ron, after everything that had happened between them – good and bad – she was still holding on to the past. It made him questioned everything Hermione had told him about moving on and he hated himself for it.

Harry placed the framed picture on the table next him, "Harry-"

"Its fine Hermione", he murmured raggedly and took a step back unwilling to meet his eyes, "you don't have to explain, I mean he was the love of your life, still is. I'll like to see Emily at least every afternoon if that's ok with you. Let me know of you'll move into Grimmauld, I'll just move the stuff from the nursery at Godric's Hallow over". And with that Harry left the Burrow feeling more disheartened than ever.

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	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 22**

His head was spinning Harry mused as he tired to stand up. Harry gripped the edge of the table as he steadied himself blinking furiously hoping the room would stop moving around and sat back down when that failed to happen. He had left the Burrow a few hours ago and headed for Hog's Head against the voice whispering a warning in his head. That only fueled his need to have that burning liquid because it sounded so much like Hermione. It had all been a lie, everything that she had said and done with him over these pass months had been a lie. She didn't want him; she didn't want to have his child, she could barely look at him because she wanted her dead husband. Harry closed his eyes and her tear stained face flooded his mind so powerfully causing him to wince. He would never figure out what he needed to be to have Hermione want him.

It was times like these that Harry had wished that Ron was still her because Hermione would have her husband and they would have had their child by now. The image of his sleeping daughter came to him and Harry knew that at least he had one person in the world that would always be there for him. He tried to stand for the second time and the room remained unmoved this time. Tomorrow was going to be a held of day if he didn't get home soon but he wanted to numb the pain, he wanted to block everything out and allow himself wallow in his self pity for once. Just for one night he wanted, needed to forget that she still chose him even though he wasn't here.

He knew it was late, the pub was nearly empty and so were the streets. The cold wind blasted across his face, bringing some form of sobriety and Harry tugged his coat around his body. All he needed now was the empty bed that was calling his name. Somehow Harry managed to get home without splinching himself and he wasted no time in getting to bed hoping that for one night Hermione wouldn't haunt him in his dreams.

The following morning Harry woke with a bitter taste in his mouth and a pounding head, it felt as if he had taken a bludger to the head. The pain increased as he opened his gritty eyes catching the morning light directly, almost blinding him. He groaned and covered his eyes already cursing himself for his stupidity last night. Why was it that he always resorted to getting pissed whenever things didn't go his way? He laid there for a few minutes as his eyes adjusted to the brightness as well as trying to gather enough energy to get up and moved through his day.

Finally he managed to drag himself off the bed after he untangled himself from the sheets and made his way to the bathroom. As he moved through his routine Harry refused to acknowledge Hermione's things but failed miserable and found himself spending extra time inhaling her lingering scent. It was all pathetic but it was the closet to the real thing he got. He groaned on frustration with is lack of ability to just move on, he had faced so many things in his life but letting Hermione go seemed like an impossible task. As he stood there looking back at himself, he knew the dark smudges under his eyes accompanied by the slight redness of his eyes couldn't be missed. He looked miserable.

He breathed in, closing his eyes and almost wished he hadn't because the morning he found Hermione in here the snogging session that followed replayed through his mind. In his anger Harry slammed his curled fist into the counter and grimaced as pain shot through his arm. He relished the pain because of the anger and hurt from the night before came through the violent action as well. He opened his eyes and looked at his reflected one; get a hold of yourself Potter. Harry finished ready for work more than ready to get the day started because that was the only this that kept his mind away from Hermione.

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"That's the last of it", Harry's voice filled the air as he stood beside Hermione in the appointed room for the nursery in Grimmauld Place two weeks later. She had finally decided to move into the Black house two days after Christmas and so here they were. As promised Harry had move or duplicated everything that was in the room and Godric's Hallow and brought them here. To be completely honest Harry couldn't find it in himself to take apart the room, the only change now was that the walls were light yellow instead of green.

He turned towards Hermione and his lips curved into a smile at the sight. She was looking around the room with Emily tucked securely in her arms, sleeping as usual. Things were still pretty tense between them but with his baby girl as a buffer it had gotten better. Hermione hadn't given any inclination of what she was feeling and it was harder for him to gauge her expression since she kept her protective guard up all the time. They hadn't talked about the night he found her crying with Ron's picture. But she was letting him share the moments of their baby's life and it was more that he could ask for at the moment.

"It looks good", she finally replied and met his eyes briefly. That was another thing that irked him; she barely even looked at him anymore, "I going to set her down". She added and Harry delayed her intention by placing a hand on her arm. She immediately stiffened and he dropped his hand as if it was burned. Merlin she couldn't even allow a touch from him.

"Sorry", he murmured quietly and leaned forward placing a tender kiss in Emily's soft cheek. He pulled away and watched as Hermione gently placed their daughter into her crib before copying his actions and kissing her as well. Hermione picked up a baby monitor that her mother had gotten her and they both stepped out of the room leaving the door slightly ajar. This was where things usually got tense, when they were alone. Hermione wasted no time in escaping the close confinement of the landing and swiftly covered the distance to the stairs and down, Harry as always dutifully followed her.

As the came to the entry between the kitchen and the passageway leading to the front door Harry paused unsurely, scratching the back of his neck as Hermione rested her hands uncertainly against the doorway of the kitchen. She was worrying her lower lip and he knew she had something on her mind. For a brief moment something flashed in her eyes before the shutters came down and she decided against whatever she was about to say. The silence ensued and Harry wondered why he wouldn't just leave, it wasn't like Hermione was making any indication she wanted him to stay. His eyes flickered over her scantly clad body covered in a t-shirt and shorts leaving a lot of skin to roam his hands or lips and he knew he had to get out of there.

"Well I going to get going", he said with a sigh and her eyes shot to his finally holding for more that a few seconds. Something was eating her inside and she was unwilling to tell him. They had always told each other everything; that was what their bond was based on, their friendship but it seems that that wasn't enough. He swallowed his hurt, "if you need anything Hermione, anything at all floo me ok?"

"I will", she replied and nodded jerkily and Harry wondered if she meant it. It was still early and he was hoping for a little break in iron clad control but Hermione seem dead set on pushing him away. Harry let his gaze linger for a moment longer before saying goodnight and turned towards the door. It hurt more each time he saw her, each time he couldn't touch her and each time he had to walk away knowing that he wanted to stay.

"Harry", her voice was barely audible but he heard her. He froze in mid step and didn't turn fully but enough to let her know he was listening to whatever she was going to say, "would you like to stay for dinner. I have some left over roast I bought from Mrs. Weasley and its much more for me to eat".

It wasn't exactly what he wanted her to say but it was a start and he would take what she was offering. He would gain her trust again because she was worth the effort and somehow he hoped that she would learn to love him. Harry turned and faced her fully now with a small smile playing across his lips as he saw her worrying her lips again. If he stayed for dinner she was going to have to stop that. _If_ there was no doubt that he could.

"I would love to Mione", her eyes flashed briefly and her cheeks pinked at his use of her familiar nickname and he could have bit off his tongue. He had called that many times but he had used that version of her name many times more when they had made love. Hermione had commented how much she loved it when he did because he was the only one who did.

"It should be done re heating but now, so we might as well get to it before it cools", she said rashly and disappeared behind the door. Harry stopped admonishing himself for his words when it dawned on him that she hadn't really forgotten their time together and if her reaction was anything to go by she was trying her dameness to forget but couldn't. Maybe there was still hope for the after all. When he finally entered the kitchen Hermione had already set the table and added their dinner for both of them. He offered a smile which she returned tightly and set about to fill his stomach. He kept quiet until he was finished because he knew how much Hermione hated when he talked with his mouth full, or rather how Ron talked with his mouth full but he wasn't about to bring that up.

"I've got it", he said when she was finished and picked up her plate and his and took them to the sink. He knew she would use the dirty dishes as and excuse to not talk to him and so Harry polished them off and placed them on the rack beside the sink. He dried his hands and braced himself on the counter opposite the chair she was sitting on. All thought dinner the tension had slowly rose between them but Harry did his utmost to ignore it, "how are you doing?"

"Good, better than I expected so I should be returning to work soon", she replied taking a keen interest on the hem of her t-shirt. Harry nodded and waited for her to continue, "Molly said that she would baby sit Emily when I start so that isn't going to be a problem".

"I bet your office is lost without you", her soft laughter filled the space at his easy comment and Harry's heart warmed at the sound. It was addictive and he couldn't stop himself from joining her.

"I know, there is going to be so much work to get done", she added her smile still lighting her face. Harry eyes never left her face as he treasured the moment, for a moment a sense of normality descended upon them but as usual it was short lived. He didn't want to push but a part of him needed to know what was going on between them. Were they just friends? Were they on break? Was there a future for them together?

"What are we doing Hermione", he asked softly and regretfully watched all the mirth vanish from her features. Her brows crunched in confusion before understanding spread over her face.

"We were having dinner and I'm letting you spend time with you daughter Harry", she replied logically and he wanted to shake her. Couldn't she give him a straight answer?

"That's not what I meant and you know it", he said wondering why he couldn't just be happy that she asked him to stay, "is there a future relationship for us other than the one we because of our daughter". She flinched at his last words and he jaw clenched, "is it that bad Hermione, having a child with me?"

"Of course not" Her eyes leveled to his and he saw averting he needed to know; the denial, the pain and glimpse of truth for his words. He knew that having to look at Emily everyday wasn't easy for her; it constantly reminded her of what she didn't have but to regret it. That he couldn't understand because he saw the way she acted around the baby and there was nothing but love in her actions and that was why he couldn't understand her, "Harry she's a precious baby, I love her and I am proud to call her mind but sometimes its hard".

"Because she isn't Ron's", It was more of a statement than a question. Hermione averted her eyes and nodded, "I know how much you wanted a baby with him Hermione but things happen for a reason and maybe you weren't meant for that. I know you miss him and I have accepted that you a part of you will always belong to him but he's gone and I need to know where we stand".

"It's not that simple Harry", she said standing up bringing their body closer to each other, "things were going great before Emily as born but then I learned of your deceit and I just can't bring myself to go there with you again". His heart stilled in his chest at her words. It was over for them, "I know you think I lied to you when I said I didn't regret being together but I didn't. Now things are different and we have to think of Emily".

"She is my main priority Hermione", he argued ignoring the breaking of his heart, "but we have to think of ourselves as well. I know things have changed but the way I feel about you hasn't and I don't think it ever will but I can't wait forever". He was lying of course but he had to make her understand, "we will always have a relationship because of that little sleeping upstairs but we chose what kind it will be".

"I have already chosen Harry", she said meeting his eyes, "and you know I have but you are not willing to accept that".

"How can I accept it when I know that you are lying Hermione", he whispered fiercely, "you told me that you were able to move on from Ron and be with me. You told me that you chose me and that wouldn't change unless you weren't being truthful".

"That was before I knew how callous you could be with things you seem fit to change to sit yourself", she retorted and Harry seethed silently. She was throwing that back in his face again.

"You know why I erased that night Hermione", he asked rhetorically and advanced towards her making her step back until her back was pressing into the edge of the table. "Yeah I did it because I knew you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself even if it was in a moment of weakness. But I erased your memory so you wouldn't remember me turning you down and you coming to my room afterwards".

The silence was deafening after he was finished and Harry wished he hadn't said anything. All the blood seemed to drain slowly from Hermione's face as she stared into his face looking for what he wasn't sure. With her trapped between his arms, he couldn't feel the rise and fall of her breast against his chest and it took all his willpower not to react.

"Show me", she whispered and Harry met and held her eyes creating the entryway into his mind as he selected the memory of that night open for her to see. He showed him helping her out of his clothes and everything from then on until the following morning he woke up naked with an equally naked Hermione next to him. They stood staring at each other after he was finished and one could cut the tension with a knife. He never meant to tell her, it didn't matter because in the end he had been a willing participant. He also wanted to kiss her very badly but reframed.

"Why didn't you tell me", she asked tilting her head to look at him more directly, "all this time I had been placing all the blame on you when it was me who create this whole situation".

"It doesn't matter Hermione", he tried to assure her but she would have none of it. Hermione shifted wanting him to release her but he didn't, "It happened and there is nothing we can do about now and it brought us Emily".

Hermione hiccupped and buried her face into his chest as her tears flowed. He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her as he whispered words of comfort into her ear. It took a while but she finally calmed down and just stood in the circle of his arms, not moving at all which he was grateful for because any movement would make his body's response to hers that was pressing so deliciously against him evident. He wasn't sure how this piece of info changed thing between them but he wasn't jumping to conclusion. Just because she cried in his arms doesn't mean she was ready to take a chance with him again.

As easily as she slid into his arms Hermione eased herself out. Her eyes were swollen and red as they met his. His thumb moved to cup her cheeks and Harry pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I don't know what difference this makes for you Hermione but think about what I said. I need to know where we stand. I want to be with you, I want a family with you and Emily and I have to know of you want that too".

"Harry I think it would be best if we just remained friends, I'm sorry", she spoke softly looking away from him and Harry released her and stepped away dropping his arms helplessly at his sides. This was all feeling very familiar.

"Does the fact that I love you mean anything to you Hermione", he asked clenching his jaw tightly, "you know what, don't answer that. You made your decision; I'll see you at the Burrow for New Years if I can't make it before to see Emily".

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The party was fully on by the time Harry arrived at the Burrow for New Years. There weren't that much people other that the Weasleys and Hermione's parents. They were presently sitting in the living room with Hermione who had Emily in her arms. He hadn't seen her since their last argument but he wasn't angry anymore. He understood where she was coming from but that didn't mean he had to accept it. There was an air of festivity surrounding him and Harry hoped that the ringing in of the New Year would bring him better luck that he had this year. He took a swig of his butterbeer planning on sticking to it as he saw Ginny making her way towards him.

"Harry I barely even saw you standing all the back here", she greeted and pulled him into a hug. He had deliberately done that to avoid everyone which hadn't work very well except for Hermione and her parents, "how are you doing?"

"I'm fine", he replied smiling slightly, "how about you, practice going alright?"

"It can get pretty harsh but it's good", she replied with a grin of her own and he knew she was enjoying her career choice. They stood there chatting for the rest of the hour until he saw Hermione stood up probably ready to take Emily upstairs. He excused himself from Ginny and moved across the room to meet her so he could be the one to do it for a change. She was about to head up when Harry reached her and Hermione looked up, a little surprise to see him.

"Hey", he said looking down at the baby who was very much awake. He couldn't help the curl of his lips as she stared up at him with sparkling green eyes. Harry reached forward and rubbed his thumb against the soft skin of her forehead before looking back at Hermione. She had an unreadable expression in her eyes, "would you mind if I take her. I know you want to spend as much time with your parent, not that I'm suggesting that you don't to be with Emily but I would really like to take her".

Hermione smile at his babbling and nodded, "its fine Harry". She then proceeded to carefully transfer the baby into his arms. He had held her before but each time a shiver of nervousness ran through him because he was terrified of dropping her or holding her wrong. Hermione understood his fear, maybe before even he did and had told him, it was natural. With the baby fully in his arms he met her eyes for conformation that he was holding her right, "if you need help come get me ok?"

"Ok", he replied and started up the creaking stairs to Ron's old room. He glanced down a couple of times only to find Emily staring up at him with what he would call a tiny frown. Harry almost laugh at her expression and shook his head. The love he felt for this little girl just grew every time he set his eyes upon her, it was probably impossible to not fall for those eyes and little cute movement she made. As he reached the room instead of putting her down Harry moved to the rocking chair by the window looking over the garden covered in white as a result of the falling snow. He sat down careful not to move too suddenly and accidentally drop her. He slowly shifted her in his arms so that her head was cradled in his palms and her body rested along the length of his arms.

"Hey baby girl", he whispered causing her to look up at him. Her hands came up and flapped a few times before reaching for his face. Her tiny hands gravitated towards the scruff along his chin and jaw, "you like that do you?" He said and pressed closer towards her as she became more animated with gurgling sounds and began kicking her feet as well.

"Do you know what tonight is?" he continued conversationally as he rubbed his face against her hand before he pulled away, "tonight ends one long difficult year for me and a new one begins at midnight. It wasn't all that bad though because now I have you and I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world". She smiled a little at his words as if understanding, "I have always wanted to have a family and now that I have you I couldn't be happier and I love you very much, yes I do".

Harry stopped talking and just stared at his daughter with a soft smile. She was becoming very sleepy and it was one thing he learn was to put her to sleep before she became too tired, "it was past you bed time baby girl but don't get use to it". Harry joked and moved her back into his arms and leaned back into the chair rocking them gently as he continued to whisper to her. It wasn't long before her eyes came down and she drifted off, snuggling closer to him. Harry carefully sat on in her crib and stood gazing down at her for how long he wasn't sure. It still amazed him that she was his. That was how Hermione found him, leaning over the handles of the crib with his hand on her tummy.

"She's sleeping", Hermione asked quietly as she joined him. Harry glanced towards her and down at the sleeping baby before answering that she was, "I thought something was wrong since you didn't come back down".

"I just wanted to spend so time with her", Harry replied and moved away from the crib thinking it would be best if they went downstairs, "I'm surprised she was still up".

"She was only up for a brief time, enough for my parents to see her", Hermione filled in, "but she was fast becoming sleeping. It's basically all she does, eat and sleep". Harry smiled at her words and tucked his hands into his jeans pocket as the walked towards the stairs. But before they could reach the stairs the light dimmed and they could hear the muffled voiced counting down from five to the approaching New Year. Hermione instantly grabbed his arm even though it wasn't that dark and Harry instinctively moved his arms around her turning their bodies into each other. For a moment there was nothing but quietness and they the tiny pops of small fireworks filled the house, a courtesy from George no doubt, illuminatingly.

"Happy New Year Hermione", he said huskily very away of her body pressing in to his and the heat building between them.

"Happy New Year Harry", she replied in the same tone of voice and all Harry could think about was kissing and so he did. Before Hermione could pull away Harry planted his hands on her waist and pushed her against the wall before dipping his head and captured her lips with his. For a moment Hermione stood stiff in his arms making him unsure of his move but when she pressed her body into his and slid her arms around his shoulders pulling him towards her, leaving not an inch of space between them Harry moved his lips over hers. They were soft and sweet beneath his and he couldn't get enough. It had felt like and eternity since he kissed her and Harry was going to take advantage of this rare moment.

His hands slithered up her body, pausing beneath the curve of her breast straining against his chest before moving to cup the nape of her neck fusing their lips together. She tasted of eggnog and pumpkin pie and something that was uniquely Hermione, the taste that he missed. He pressed his lowered body into the curve of her hips, letting her feel what she did to him and her responding moan didn't nothing but urge him on. Her hands slipped into his hair holding her to him. It never occurred to either of them that anyone could happen upon them or that he had her pressed up against the wall with their daughter a few feet away. All he could think and feel was the woman in his arms. He wasn't sure what was going to happen when their lips separated but Harry knew this was the perfect way to bring in the New Year.

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	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 23**

The clanking of pots and pans woke Harry the following morning as he was asleep on the Weasley's couch in the living room. Harry rubbed his gritty eyes and sat up on the comfy cushions, letting the blanket fall over his legs with a small smile on his face. Last night had gone better than he had expected. The kiss he shared with Hermione had commenced it all and that was the sole reason he was so happy this morning. With this happiness building within him Harry had no doubt that this year was going to be a marvelous one. He leaned back against the headrest and drifted back to the minutes after his lips separated from Hermione last night. He could still feel her quaking body beneath his and her hands sliding along his chest igniting a fire that could melt the ice forming outside.

Harry had pulled a fraction away from her heated body and gazed down upon her, her eyes were still closed and her breast heaving, brushing against his chest sensually. Her hands were stilled pressed up against the wall either side of her head as he waited for her to open her brown eyes and look at him. It wasn't long that she did and Harry had almost slid to the floor in relief because there wasn't anything but acceptance shining from her eyes. There was no doubt, not anger, no pain and he had felt his heart swell with so much love and admiration for her, Harry thought it would burst right out of his chest. She had finally forgiven him, she hadn't voiced it but it was there shining from her soul through her eyes.

After their snogging session Harry and Hermione had joined the celebration along with the rest of the family and Harry a bit more at peace that he had ever been. He wasn't sure what made her change her mind but he was glad she did, maybe it was because he said he couldn't wait for forever or maybe it was because Hermione had stop feeling insecure about everything that had happened. The smile that stole across his face from the moment she smiled up at him before pressing another soft, lingering kiss to his lips was the same one presently occupying his features right now. He was brought back to the present by a pot banging against another followed by a soft swear. He smiled indulgently and got up and folded the blanket before making his way to the kitchen to investigate.

Harry pushed the swinging door into the kitchen prepared to see Molly battling around as usual but was mildly surprise to see Ginny attempting to make breakfast for everyone. It wasn't that Ginny wasn't a great as her mom but she wasn't the quietest cook as oppose to her mom. He bit his lips, holding in his laughter but failed and the deep sound of his amusement caught the youngest Weasley's attention. Ginny looked up and the frustrated frown on her face changed to one of apology.

"Oh Harry, did I wake you. Sorry", she said before placing the pan on the counter, "I thought it would be a good idea to help my mom out for a bit giving that she worked on the party for last night and all. I figured a few more minutes sleep would do her some good".

"I agree, she works too hard", Harry added coming to stand beside her, "but maybe I can help so you don't wake the entire house and especially Emily. She gets very grumpy if she is wakened before she's ready". Harry then proceeded to check on her using a spell Hermione had thought him and indeed she was still sleeping peacefully as was already changed as well.

"Is Hermione up already?" he asked his companion wondering why she wasn't down here. He knew she wouldn't still be cooped up in the room she shared with Ginny but down here probably helping.

"Uh yeah she is actually", Ginny said and tuned her attention to getting out the eggs and the back. Harry continued to look at her waiting for an explanation of her present whereabouts, "she um, she went out for a walk, didn't really say where she was going?"

"Really, why didn't she wake me I could have gone with her", Harry filled in wondering why himself, "besides I don't want her walking around outside alone in the cold. I'll going to go see where she is, guess you have to do this on your own". With that Harry disappeared up the stairs to get washed up after Ginny said she didn't mind. After he was finished he quietly sneaked in to see Emily and his eyes softened as her sleeping form filled his sight. Harry tugged the blanket around her waist and kissed her good morning careful not to wake her before grabbing his coat and went in search for the love of his life.

The wind was cold and strong as Harry trudged through the snow surrounding the perimeter of the Burrow but still there was no sight of Hermione. He told himself there was no need for panic, Hermione was a capable witch and she was more than equipped to take care of herself. He was beginning to feel foolish for coming out after her now; Hermione was probably already back at the Burrow while he was stuck in a heap of snow. He shook his head at his actions but found himself walking in another direction. It wasn't long before he found himself in the snow covered cemetery where Ron was buried. He rubbed his hands together and gradually made his way through the desolated place. He hadn't been back in a while but his message through Hermione had put a softener on his guilt.

As he got closer to the headstone of his best mate Harry realized that he wasn't the only one there as he had first thought. He didn't have to rack his mind to know who was presently kneeling before the grave, the brown curly hair as well as the coat gave away her identity. Harry's steps slowed as he continued walking towards Hermione, not sure if he should make his presence known. She came here for privacy, whatever she said to Ron was confidential but Harry couldn't just turn away as much as he wanted to because her soft voice reached his ear.

"I guess I should have listened to you Ron", she said unaware of his presence, "when you came to me in that dream you warned me that there was going to be hard times ahead for me and Harry but at the time I couldn't think of anything that could go wrong. But when Emily was born I knew that was what you were telling me about. I blocked out everything you told me because I didn't want to accept it, I didn't want to believe what happened. I blamed him so much, I made him think that I couldn't be with him; that I couldn't move on from you, that I couldn't love him to push him away", her voice broke with emotions as she talked and Harry wanted to reach out to her but forced himself to stay where he was. Her hands brushed away the remaining snow off his headstone and he watched as her finger wistfully traced the letters of his name.

"I tried so hard to put distance between us but in the end I found myself missing him more that ever". Harry's heart clenched painfully at her words. That was how he felt when she wasn't with him, "every time I look at Emily I see so much of Harry in her and not just because of her eyes. Its in her smile, Harry would argue that she's more like me but he's wrong. She may look like me but her mannerism comes from him". Harry could see the smile that covered her lips, "but she's perfect and she has captured my heart just as he has Ron and now I'm prepared to live that life with him".

His heart lurched into his throat at her words as he stood gazing at her, "I love you Ron and a part of me probably always will, you will always have a place in my heart but I can't keep holding onto the past when there is someone who loves me as much and probably more than you did. And I have been afraid because of the intensity of his love, afraid to allow myself to be happy again, to love again because I didn't want to loose him the way I lost you. But while I've block out everything I felt I didn't realize that I couldn't stop the way I was feeling because he already had my heart. I love him Ron and the feeling is amazing. He makes me feel things that are exhilarating and scary at the same time. Things were always predictable between us but with Harry I have no idea what's going to happen next but I don't mind. I know that its time to stop trying to control things and just be me and just be with Harry and I will. I better get back; I'm sure Harry is worried out of his mind but I will come visit soon and bring Em for you to officially meet her".

Harry stood shocked at everything he heard her say. His eyes followed her hand as she pressed a kiss to her fingers before pressing them to Ron's name carved into the stone. His heart was beating a mile away as he watched transfixed as Hermione slowly stood up and turned around to face him. She looked at him uncertainly before eyes widened in panic as she realized he probably had heard everything she only meant for anothers' ear even if most of it was about him.

"How long have you been standing there", she asked closing the distance between them in a few strides. Harry was practically sweating not really sure what the right response was.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop Hermione", he apologize looking pleadingly at her, "I was worried about you and didn't want you in the snow alone and I just…", he trailed off starching his neck nervously.

"You always do that", she said with a curve of her lips as she indicated to his action and he stopped immediately. The tension in his body oozed into the cold air, "when you think you've done something bad Harry. I don't mind that you overhead but how much did you?"

"Enough", he replied. He wasn't sure if he should bring up what he heard because if she wasn't ready to tell him how she felt then they would be doing the dance of one step forward two steps back. He extended a hand towards her with an easy smile not giving away the anxiety within and said, "come on I bet the others are wondering where we are and Emily is probably up by now".

Hermione looked at him a little unsurely. He figured she was wondering why he wasn't asking about anything before placing her cold hand in his. Harry cupped her cool fingers in his palms and brought them to his lips and used his breath to warm her, "better?" he asked his eyes leveling to hers.

"Yeah", she whispered roughly and Harry ignored the thrill that skittered down his spine and settle for tucking her hand in his and intertwined their fingers intimately as they began making their way back to the Burrow. He felt a lot better now that he had an inkling of what Hermione felt towards him, he didn't have to keep guessing if what they had or what they could have wasn't real. By the time they reached the warm confines of the Burrow, the rest of the Weasley were nearly finished with their breakfast. Guess Ginny managed to pull it off after all. He shrugged out of his coat and took Hermione's as well and hung them in the closet before joining Molly, Ginny and Hermione who was now holding Emily in her arms at the table. Mr. Weasley had gone to work and Harry was thankful he didn't have to go in today and George had already left for the shop.

"She was fussing a bit when I went to check on her and she didn't look like she was going back to sleep", Molly said to Hermione and smiled at Harry as he started in his plate that she kept warm from them.

"That's fine Mrs. Weasley", Hermione replied appreciatorily, "isn't sweetheart", she directed to their daughter and Harry grinned at the interaction. It took a while but the Weasley accepted the situation associated with Emily but it didn't take away the sting completely. They treated Harry and Hermione as one of their own and their child was as good as well considered as their grandchild too. It wasn't long before he tucked away all of his breakfast minus the pieces of bacon Hermione stole from his plate as she divided her attention between Emily him, Molly and Ginny.

"So you guy going home today?" Ginny asked after she took her plate to the sink. Harry eyes met Hermione's across the room and he smiled at Ginny's choice of words. She already knew something had changed between the two of them. Grimmauld was considered one of their homes until Hermione was sure she wanted to live with him, this time permanently because all this moving around was becoming useless.

"Yeah, we're going home in a few hours", Harry filled in pushing his empty plate away. Ginny grinned at him before kissing Emily's forehead and took her leaving saying she had practice to get to. Molly didn't get up long after her daughter left ready to get her chores for the day started. Hermione offered to help but as usual Mrs. Weasley waved her off. A few hours later Harry and Hermione arrive at Grimmauld after Hermione had made arrangements to drop Emily off before she went to work on Monday. Harry made his way to the kitchen to store some leftovers and Hermione followed carrying Emily. Harry towing away the food he moved towards Hermione and kept his hands to himself until she adjusted the little one in her bassinette on the counter. She gurgled intelligently before kicking her feet up. Harry placed his hands on Hermione's waist as the both gazed down at their daughter, _their daughter_ those words never failed to surprise him.

"She beautiful isn't she?" Harry whispered into her ear as he propped his chin on her shoulders. Hermione nodded as she proceeded to get rid of Emily's outer thick clothing as they were inside. All morning he had been fighting the urge to kiss her and the fact that he could do so freely wasn't lost on him but it still made him nervous. After she was finished Harry nudged her with his shoulders getting Hermione's attention. He didn't want to sound desperate but he needed to taste her, "can I kiss you?"

For the first time in a long time Hermione eyes were filled with gleaming humor, it threw him off a bit but when her lips hovered inches away from his the situation wasn't funny anymore. Their eyes met and held for what seemed like eternity as the air crackled with unquenched sexual tension and blatant desire. Harry swallowed the emotion clogging his throat as their lips met and glided over each other in perfect symphony. His grip on her waist tightened as she pressed back against his slowly arousing body. It felt so good to be able to touch her like this again, to feel her and know that what the need he felt to be her other was returned. Harry slowly but regretfully pulled away from her and kissed her nose dotingly before his eyes caught Emily staring up at them with interest. He laughed softly thinking that this was certainly something his didn't want his daughter to see.

"What?" Hermione asked huskily as he continued to chuckle. She didn't seem to have forgotten that they weren't alone on the room. Harry hugged her to him before saying, "we have an audience remember".

"Right", she said laughing as well. The lightness in the room gradually lessened when Hermione eased out of his arms and moved to stand opposite him, bracing herself on the counter, "how much did you actually here this morning?"

"Um, mostly everything", he filled in folding his arms across his chest as he met her eyes, "I probably heard everything I ever wanted to hear you say however indirectly".

"So you know then", she began asking him to finish for her but as his silence she continued, "how I feel about you".

"I do Hermione", he replied and hid his smile as she let out a breath, "but I think I'll remember much more if you actually tell me so I won't have to keep guessing".

"I love you Harry", she murmured quietly and he felt the words wash over him protectively. She loved him, "I am in love with you. I've known it for weeks but I was just afraid to say anything, afraid to be happy again but now I'm not". The intensity in her eyes as she spoke the worlds he yearned to hear from her lips for so long matched the look in his eyes and he suddenly loomed above her, placing a hand either side of her on the counter trapping her delectable body with his.

"You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say to words Hermione", he murmured hoarsely as his gaze flickered over her face. Hermione brought her hand to his face and palmed his cheeks. She smoothed her thumb over her cheekbones and pulled him to her as she kissed him and Harry felt just how much she loved him.

"I think I have a good idea", she whispered when they separated and Harry's lips stretched into a grin, "and I am sorry it took me so long to admit it to myself much less you".

"Well you know what they say?" Harry joked resting his forehead against hers and she met his eyes expectantly, "better late than never".

"Right", she mumbled and slid into his arms and he marveled how perfectly she fitted against him, as if made specifically at him. Harry wrapped his arms around her, never wanting to let go as he let the happiness he felt consume every fiber in his body.

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The weeks after that moment in the kitchen couldn't have been better for Harry; in fact he had no words to express how it felt other than complete bliss. He and Hermione had started slow, getting back to the basis of their friendship before taking their relationship further. However that didn't mean they were acting as just friends. He could barely keep his hands off her most of the time and when he wasn't with Hermione she was a constant fixture in his thoughts along with their daughter. Hermione had also finally decided to move into Godric's Hallow permanently after saying that it was a bloody waist of time to keep moving when she knew where she wanted to be. Harry of course voiced no objection and had taken care of it while she was a work so as to not delay it further.

It was the end of a long day and Harry was making his way to Hermione's office, they always arrived and left together while Harry usually went to get Emily and she went home since Hermione dropped her off in the mornings. They had it all balanced out and the routine worked pretty well unless one of them couldn't fulfill their part. Instead of knocking as he usually did Harry turned the knob to Hermione's office and entered totally unobserved by the room's occupant who was standing with her back to him going over a book by her personal library. Harry eyes skimmed the room and his eyes fell on a magical picture of Ron and another of the Emily and the two of them, muggle of course, smiling at the camera on her very neat desk. He would never understand why his was always a mess and Hermione's looked like she never used her.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes Harry walked a quietly as he could towards Hermione who was still oblivious of his presence and slipped his arms around her tiny waist. Her shriek of surprise as she spun around he expected but the slap of the book against his head he didn't. Harry dropped his arms from around her and rubbed her hitting target, he knew he deserved that.

"Harry, Merlin I'm sorry", she apologized and reached for him after she put the book away. Hermione titled his face so she could examine him to see if there was any lasting damage, which he doubt but it was an excuse to have her hands in his hair, "I told you stop sneaking up on me. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Mione", he replied with a smile and pulled her back into his arms, "and it doesn't matter how many times you tell me I'll still keep doing it". He tenderly kissed away her frown of scolding for his actions then moved his lips to her eyes down the bridge of her cute nose before finally claiming her mouth with a kiss that left no doubt how much he missed her. Her hands stole across the breath of his shoulders and she rested her elbows on them as she moved her fingers along the nape of his neck before threading them in his hair.

Harry traced the seam of her lips before sliding his tongue in and flicking against the roof of her mouth. He moaned deep in his throat and crushed her breast against his chest before he picked her up and covered the distance to her desk where he sat her down. Harry knew this wasn't the place or the time for this but for the life of him he couldn't stop and neither it seemed did Hermione. It didn't matter how many times they came together, his hungry for Hermione was never totally abated. A sound of pure pleasure filled the air as Hermione tugged him between her legs. He protested as her lips left his but it didn't last long as they traveled the hard line of his jaw clenched with need for her to the spot just behind his ear.

"Hermione", her name was nothing but a guttural whisper as she continued her very much appreciated assault against him, "ohh, you have to stop. I think we both know you aren't going to finish what I started here". She made a non committal sound before capturing his lips again and every protestation was completely blown from his mind as everything rushed south. Harry pulled out his wand and cast a silencing charm around the room as well as a locking charm on the door before he picked Hermione up and carried them to the couch in her office. To hell with it.

Harry broke the kissed and their ragged, unevenly breathing filled the air and with his eyes locked on Hermione's dilated ones and he wasted no time in stripping off his robes as well as his shirt underneath. He hissed as her cool palm slid along his shoulders and down his chest to his edge of his pants before repeating the process over again, she was driving him mental. Harry clasped her wrist, putting an end to her torturous ways and smiled, his intentions gleaming from his eyes. with both of her hands held captured with one of his Harry summoned his wand before leaning forward a gasp away from her lips as his breath teased her lips before sliding along her jaw towards her eye where his husky voice murmured seductively the charm that made her clothes disappear leaving her hot and very much naked beneath him. Harry moved with seeker reflexes and swallowed her protest before dropping his wand and clamping her hand at her sides.

Hermione returned his kiss with the same ferocity she exuded and arched against his already hard heated body. She hooked a leg around his waist pulling him towards her until they were lying horizontally along her couch. Harry pulled away with breathlessly and grinned down at the woman beneath him, "we seem to have a think for couches Mione".

Her returning smile confirmed that she was indeed thinking of the same memory he was; the first time they were together, "well that are very comfortable".

Hermione replied huskily and Harry dipped his head and kissed her with a smile on his face.

"Merlin I love you", he breathed heatedly against her kiss swollen lips before getting backing to the activity at hand. It wasn't long after their emotions got the best of both of them and they both achieved that point of union where neither knew where one began and the other ended. Their cries of love, passion and release were the only sound that filled the room as they floated within the clouds before gradually retuning to earth.

Twenty minutes later Harry as well as Hermione finished dressing with smiles on their face. He adjusted his robes and braced himself in her desk as he watched her finished getting dress with a slight curl of his lips. She was absolutely beautiful and she never ceased to amaze him. He hadn't come looking to get lucky but it had turned out to be a pretty dame good way to end the day.

"Ready?" he asked as she turned towards him not looking like the woman who was torridly made love to a few minutes before but everything like a logical, professional worker.

"Yeah", she replied and Harry linked their hands and pressed a kiss to the inside of her palm causing her to shiver and he grinned before whispering, "that's for later". His words drew a husky laugh from her and he had no choice but to join her as they left the Ministry, her to Godric's Hallow and him to collect Emily.

Harry appeared in the Weasleys kitchen and stepped gingerly out of the fire place the same time Molly came bustling into the living room, "Hi Molly, sorry I'm late. Got held up a bit at the Ministry. I hope she didn't give you any trouble". It wasn't a complete lied.

"Don't worry about it dear", she waved off his words with a smile, "and she was a perfect angel. She's sleeping, I'll go get her". She disappeared up the stairs and came back down a few minutes later with his baby girl looking all snug and warm. He smile the moment his eyes caught sight of her, she never ceased to amaze him either. Molly deftly transferred the sleeping baby to her father followed by a kiss on her cheek and Harry thanked before stepping back into the floo and disappearing between the green flames and greeted his living room the next time he opened his eyes. Emily was still sleeping undisturbed in his arms and Harry made his way up the stairs to put her down for the night. Hermione was no where in sight and he knew she was either in the shower of their bedroom waiting for him. The sound of the running shower echoed along the landing leading away from the nursery and so the mystery of her whereabouts was solved.

By the time Harry had put Emily to bed and made his way to their shared bedroom Hermione was already out of the shower much to his disappointed but was dressed in his Quidditch shirt. She smelled fresh and almost ready to eat to him as he sat next to her on bed as she continued sliding her hand through her silky tresses, "she sleeping?"

"Yeah", Harry replied and began tugging at his clothes and added in mock jealousy, "I envy how she could just loose herself in dreams".

"She's a baby Harry", Hermione commented. Harry pouted at lack of support for his grievance and Hermione kissed him lightly, "it's what she's supposed to do".

"Yeah, yeah whatever", he retorted in good nature and she flashed him a smile, "I'm going to take shower care to join me, again", he added with an after thought knowing that she wouldn't.

"Sorry but you're a little late Mr. Potter", she replied leaning against the entrance of the door looking sexy as ever, "besides I really want to see my daughter since I haven't all day and I really missed her but afterwards I'm all yours I promise".

"I'll hold you to that woman", he shouted at her retreating back and made his way to the bathroom for his shower. The warm water did wonders for his aching muscles and Harry lifted his head relishing it as it cascaded down is body. His thoughts returned to the glorious moments in Hermione's office and his body hardened in response. They had fooled around in her office before but Hermione had always stopped before things went too far, except for tonight and he was pleasurable surprise about that fact. He didn't mind his fantasy now because it didn't end with him frustrated and in anger. No, now he had the real thing. After a couple more minutes under the hot spray Harry turned it off and stepped out of the steaming cubicle. He fried off quickly and made his way downstairs barefoot and bare-chested.

He found Hermione in the living room with her legs tucked beneath her eating a piece of left over pumpkin pie. He settled beside and rested his hand on her bare leg and draped her legs over his as she offered a piece. Harry mouth closed around the sweet treat his eyes never leaving hers as she followed his movement, "umm that's some good stuff", he murmured appreciatively.

"I know and that's the only bite you're getting since it's the last piece", she replied cheekily and proceeded to eat the last two pieces and now it was him who was following her moment and from the glint in her eyes Hermione was doing it on purpose.

"Oh you little witch", he said and slid his hand a few inches up her legs. Her victory smile faltered a bit but that didn't deter her, "that is what I am Harry or have you forgotten?"

"Nope I haven't because you know how much I love your charms and I am very glad that you are a witch", he responded with an underlining trace of seriousness, "because I would probably be dead by now, my time at Hogwarts wouldn't have been good at all and I wouldn't have found the love of my life who gave me a daughter as beautiful as her mother". By the time he was finished Hermione's eyes were moist and his hand had somehow tugged her legs further over his so she was closer while the other was smoothing her hair and tucking the usual way ward strand behind her ear.

"Harry…" she began huskily but he softly cut her words her with an easy smile.

"I know I tell how much I love you Hermione and I do, more that you will ever know", he murmured, the love he felt coming through his words, "but I never thanked you for all you did for me; at school and most of all for giving me Emily. You gave me the family I have always wanted and I will spend the rest of my life thanking you for that".

"Forever seems like a great idea but your love is enough for me Harry", she replied gently cupping his cheek with her love for him shining from her chocolate depths, "and I love you too". Harry's hand slid to her mid thigh as their lips met tenderly, conveying what no amount of words could. He palmed her nape as his lips glided over her in the softest of kisses. His heart along with every fiber of his body warmed as her hand came to rest on the column of his neck as her thumb pressed against the increasingly rapidly beating pulse there.

Everything was alright in the end. Through all the anger, pain, confusion and hurt Harry and Hermione found each. Why, they aren't sure, it could have been fate, destiny or just because their underling love for each other couldn't be overpowered by anything. Whether they knew it or not, they were meant for each and it didn't matter how long it took them to find each other because their heart did it first, and that's all mattered, that in the end they did find each other. There is always turmoil within love, that is what makes it all worth it in the end when you find the one that completes you and Harry knew that the person for him was Hermione and now he had everything he ever wanted in life; a family.

Moreover, all he wanted was Hermione.

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**The End**

**A/N: I just wanted to thanks all my reviews and my silence readers as well. I had a blast and hopefully I see some of you in a future story.**


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